A 10-Year Time Warp

Last night I relived my entire BYU experience, from my post-high school summer exactly 10 years ago now to when I matriculated and left for California, all in two hours.

Old journals are fabulous.

It's really interesting to get back inside the head of your former self. For some reason, I can't handle rereading my middle school or high school journals - those were such painful years, I'm pretty happy to leave them on the shelf. But college? Oh, I could reread those 'til the cows come home!

A few things that stuck out to me:

- My type-A obsession with details really paid off. It's so funny to revisit certain scenarios in all their he-said, she-said glory, including the names of people I haven't given a passing thought in years.

- Most people named in the journals have definitely received more than passing thoughts, however. I'm still in touch with at least 90% of the people I wrote about, even if only through blogging and Facebooking. Friendships are so incredibly important to me (as I'd hope you'd all know, seeing as if you read this, chances are we're friends, right? A ton of you who read this were in those pages!), and I absolutely hate when people drop out of my life, so it was pleasing to see how well I've managed to maintain those relationships.

- Man, I baked cookies a lot. A LOT! I should've branched out into real food earlier...

- For some reason, all of my closest friends came from my college career (with one exception, one of my besties who I met within my first OC year). I include my besties from La Crescenta in that college count, because even though we were friends all through high school, those friendships really strengthened and deepened in college. I'm still in close contact (as in, more than Facebooking - phone calls, trips to visit, regular face time) with 10 or so of those best friends, which is pretty awesome. It's amazing how you can go years without seeing some friends but still pick up right where you left off, even when where you left off included being together 24/7 six years ago!

- I was actually less boy-crazy than I thought!

- It's really, really amusing to read about your early friendships with people who are so important and dear still. For example, I went to Denver last weekend to visit two of my college besties, one of whom was my American Heritage TA almost a full 10 years ago. It's so funny to read how I'd wanted to stay friends with him after the class ended but didn't know how to go about it until he showed up at my dorm in a Santa suit at Christmas! Little did I realize we'd still be friends all this time later, and that was the case with a lot of people who I figured would drop out of my life after that class / ward / extracurricular activity ended. It's those little details that are so priceless.

Most of all, it was fascinating to see how, in so many ways, I'm the same Christa at 27 that I was at 17, but in other ways, I'm sooooo different. The biggest change was that loss of innocence that inevitably comes with experience. The enthusiasm and optimism of earlier years isn't gone, but the wide-eyed way I once took in the world around me faded long ago. The naivete gave way to a deeper understanding of the world around me.

There are so many little things I'd do differently if I could: suck it up and pay the money to be a friend's bridesmaid (which I'll always regret not doing), throw caution to the wind and just KISS THAT GUY when he would stand there talking about kissing (sheesh, I missed some serious opportunities with that one!!!), not stress about dating nearly as much as I did, make the lifestyle changes that could've saved me so much grief in the long run. But what can you do? Live and learn, right?

Funny thing is, I'm actually considering moving back to Provo. Two or three blocks from where I lived my senior year at BYU. For reals. One of my BYU friends who's now a 3L at the law school needs roommates, and it could be a great deal. What would it be like, though, to be back in a BYU ward? Would it be a chance to go back and get it right this go-around? Or would I feel like a totally aged misfit? Since moving to Lehi, I've found that people always figure I'm 22-24 anyways, so maybe I don't have to tell them that I'm 28 (which I'd be by then)...

If you could go back, what would you do differently? What were your favorite moments of college?

Rethinking Route 66

After chatting with a fellow travel-loving coworker just now, I've decided that Route 66 might not be the best trip to take next fall. On the one hand, I'm DYING to go, and there are so many friends along the way, it seems like the perfect time to go.

But on the other hand, traveling a few thousand miles on mostly abandoned roads pretty much alone might not be the safest, wisest idea. (I know - weird, right?) He made the point that most of the motels along there are like the Bates Motel, it's a fairly boring drive, and I really, really shouldn't go alone. He's probably right (darn it!).

I still want to plan some MAJOR, amazing trip for next year, though - the "yay, me!" reward for digging out of debt and saving for a rainy day. So, if not Route 66, what big trip should I take? Back to NYC? Finally head to DC? Maybe do a weeklong East Coast tour from Philly to Boston? Or a weeklong Southern excursion, visiting a dear friend in the Atlanta area and then renting a car and exploring the region? Or is it time to hit up the Windy City and spend some time taking in Chicago? Should I break out of the continental United States FINALLY and go to Europe or to Hawaii? Take a relaxing cruise?

My criteria for the trip is pretty basic - it 1) needs to be some place I've never been (it's time to broaden travel horizons beyond San Francisco, Seattle, and Idaho - although a return to NYC is fair game, since I was only there one day), and 2) needs to be somewhere where I either already have friends or where someone would want to come with me. As much as I really enjoy traveling alone (which I really, really do - is that weird?), it's not always the safest. I just have to make sure I travel with the right friends, as I learned on a recent trip. Makes ALL the difference in the world!

So... thoughts?

Conquering fear for a good cause

Confession: I HATE having blood drawn. HATE it. My ears go all fuzzy, my knees go weak, I get all lightheaded - and that's just when I have a vial or two drawn at the doctor's office. Just the thought of filling up an entire bag makes me queasy.

Well, right when I came into work this morning, one of my buddies invited me to sign up for the Red Cross blood drive next Wednesday - there was still one open slot around the same time a bunch of my favorite folks from our department were donating. My kneejerk reaction was to laugh - "you do know I have a ridiculously hard time getting blood drawn, right?" (I honestly thought I was being teased - somehow I thought we'd had this conversation before.)

And then one of my really good friends piped in that she's grateful for blood donors. Her comment cut me to the core - she wouldn't be alive today, were it not for donors, nor would her baby girl. A few minutes later, another coworker told me that he was kept alive for 28 days, thanks to blood donors. I had no idea, but he's a leukemia survivor.

So I marched right upstairs to HR and signed up before anyone else could snake the spot with my group. And, no joke, I got a little lightheaded and weak-kneed just doing that much! But I don't really have an excuse to not help out, especially when a guy in my ward is in the hospital right now, fighting for his life. How vapid and selfish is it to hold out just because of some silly psychosomatic response? This year is all about stretching past my comfort zone anyways, right?

Thank goodness I have a week to psych myself up into it. How do you best go about conquering your fears?

A Paradox

What to do, what to do?

I love the freedom and independence of being single. LOVE it. But I'm getting really, really sick and tired of rolling with single people. I don't know if it's an LDS single culture thing, a singles thing in general, or a Utah thing, but good glory, the singles up here are driving me nuts! I've had a tough time finding people with whom I really click, and that sentiment really gelled while on a roadtrip with some friends this weekend. I am so, so ready to be out of the single scene.

But I don't really fit in with marrieds, either. Most of my closest friends are married with kids, and I feel like I just plain can't relate. Potty training? Nap time? Morning sickness? I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I have a career, and that's about it.

So the only logical solution is to get married and settle down, right? But dating is a beast. Seriously. I hate it! Plus I've been positively underwhelmed by the guys I've met up here. No one's really piqued my interest at all. I know that the caliber of guy I'm looking for exists because I have plenty of guy friends old and new who are of that breed. Too bad they're all already married. Then again, there's a reason for that, right?

So... what to do? Make more of an effort to get to know new people and new guys? Resort to just spending my time and energy on the quality friends I've known forever? I'm blessed to have several of my best friends from high school, college and Orange County, not to mention some much-beloved cousins, within a quick drive up here. It's awesome. However, I can't marry any of them. Obviously.

Anyone seeing some way out that I'm missing? Do they have convents for Mormon communications professionals? My career is in an amazing place right now... but that's pretty much the only thing that's really working for me currently.