In the promos for He's Just Not That Into You, which comes out today, Drew Barrymore's character lays out the plight of keeping in touch with an object of affection in today's digital age. No longer is it a matter of staring at the telephone, willing it to ring:
"I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my Blackberry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting."
Hate to say it, but I can sooooo relate to what she's talking about! A few months ago I rekindled communication with a guy I knew in college. Great guy, but he lives 2,000 miles away, so other than overlapping one day on respective trips during the holidays, all of our chatting has been through the modern marvels of Facebook and cell phones.
Well, I've come to the conclusion that it's pretty much over - not because of anything that's been said, but because of the modificiation of communication methods. It's been funny to watch it develop - from a comment on a Facebook status to phone calls to a face-to-face date, and now it's regressed back the other way. Phone calls have given way to commenting on Facebook statuses, which, in my opinion, is the bottom of the digital communications totem pole.
Which leads me to this theory that I've cooked up. There's totally a hierarchy of communications in today's multiplicity of media. To me, true, thoughtful communication fosters reciprocity and dialogue. The more a medium does this, the more valuable it is. Here's how I rank 'em from highest to lowest - let me know what you think. I'd love some feedback!!!
DIGITAL DATING COMMUNICATIONS HIERARCHY
Webcam: This definitely takes the top because it's the closest you can get to being in the same space without actually meeting face to face. You're able to invoke both sight and sound, capturing facial expressions, quirks, the warmth of a smile or a pair of eyes. A friend who advised me on long-distance relationships said webcams are a must - she appreciated it because she could see if her now-hubby was wearing a great shirt or had gotten a haircut, which goes a long way when you're across the country.
Phone: Ah, the good ol' telephone. This medium is tried and true for value. Although there's the lack of a view, much can be said for hearing someone's voice, catching the inflections of emotion, enjoying a laugh, even being able to tell if someone's got a cold (I currently sound like a stuffy frog still, but whatev). Phone calls take the effort of carving out a chunk of time for conversing, especially because they're most effective when you're not multitasking. I haven't seen my best friend in a few years now because she lives across the country, but she's still my BFF because we talk at least once a week, and she's almost more in the loop of what's happening with me than some friends nearby are!
Letters and Cards: There is nothing like a handwritten letter. That being said, who actually takes the time to write letters anymore? I haven't penned a letter since the missionary I wrote to throughout my senior year of college came home, and by that point, I was done with it. I have been known to send cards from time to time, though. It's a nice, tangible reminder that someone loves you. You can't appreciate handwriting from a computer screen - it just isn't the same.
Email: Of course, you can't downplay the convenience of email, either. It has the ubiquitous factor going for it - everyone in this day and age has email, even my grandma. Email has the potential upsides of an old-fashioned letter, providing ample opportunity to discuss things of emotive and conceptual depth. However, as a medium, it has mostly devolved into rapidly fired off snippets of information, rife with emoticons and acronyms. In theory they can be long and thoughtful like letters, but in practice, they're not. (I do love the way you can get a conversation going with multiple recipients, though - I've gotten some great advice from my high school besties through these sort of back-and-forth reply-all chains.)
Texting: The upside to a text message is that it's immediate, private and direct. It shows some thought on behalf of the texter to fire off a message, even if that message is capped at 160 characters. However, texting is no good for sustaining a conversation. I tried that one Saturday night with aforementioned fella, and I was sick of it after 11 texts. Never again will I shoot for a long textversation. The medium just does not lend itself to a genuine back and forth - in which case it's almost a disingenuous way to say "I'm thinking of you... but not enough to actually want to talk to you." And texting is almost always done while multitasking, so how much can you actually focus on the recipient? It'd be more valuable to just wait until you can really talk.
Facebook: Okay, there are multiple ways to communicate via Facebook, and not all of them are created equal. In general, though, Facebook is a lazy form of communication. It's a great way to keep tabs on acquaintences, and it's a great springboard for rekindling old friendships and feeling like part of someone's everyday happenings. In fact, one of my coworkers/friends likened Facebook posts to "digital PDA." However, when it comes to really sustaining a relationship, man cannot live by Facebook alone.
Here are the sub-categories of the Facebook communique:
- Facebook email: It's almost as good as real email, but there's an inherent impersonality to it. There's a lazy convenience that takes no real forethought or effort - just click "compose a message," type in a name, and there goes your message! On the upside, it's private, and it is more personal than the other Facebook channels.
- Facebook wall: To write on someone's wall does take a little initiative. You've got to think of something witty and flirty - but, at the same time, it's up there for all of the recipient's friends to see, so how personal and cute can you really get? It's definitely a throwaway technique, lacking in really any depth.
- Posted item / note comment: If someone comments on a posted item or note, it's validating. For one thing, it shows that you're paying attention to what that person is adding to the Facebook information bank. Furthermore, it shows that you took the time to read what they wrote or posted, and you can add to the dialogue of comments. But, again, it's fairly impersonal.
- Facebook status comment: To me, this is the lowest form of communicating in this digital age. Which isn't to say it's bad - but it holds the least value. When you comment on whatever someone's status is, it's a fun, quick way to keep a banter going - but at the same time, it's not all that personal. When the recipient is getting those comments from all of his or her other Facebook friends - acquaintences and friends from childhood through career - then how does that really distinguish or differentiate you from the crowd? It doesn't. It's a two-second way to feel like you're communicating with someone when it takes no real emotional commitment. Hearing a note of congrats is always nice, but it means so much less placed here than it would in a wall post or a text message - or, even better, in a congratulatory phone call.
So, that's my analysis. Either I'm onto something, or I need a life. Or some combination thereof.
What do you think? I'd love to hear your feedback!!!
