This TEDxBloomington talk is completely and totally FASCINATING. Take the 12+ minutes to listen to it:
Did you know it's a proven fact that your brain is 31% more productive when it's happy?
And it's something you can learn. If you can learn to be positive in the present, then you're able to work even better. As your brain floods with dopamine, things fire better, and voila! Success.
So, here are five action items that, if done for a few minutes every day, will lead to a happier, more productive, more successful you:
Practice gratitude--specifically, find three new things for which you are grateful
Write in a journal
Exercise
Spend time meditating
Perform random acts of kindness
I haven't quite mastered all of these, but I do know that as I've incorporated more of these into my daily life recently, the effect is amazing! I truly am so radiantly happy and feel like I can conquer the world when I choose to view things through a positive lens. It's not always easy. Today I got the rug pulled out from under me, so to speak, with the unanticipated consequence to what I thought was a good decision, and it's definitely crushing. But... I still trust in the well-pondered decision, regardless the outcome, and while I could--and, admittedly, have--stressed and second-guessed because of the unexpected results, I'm trying to instead focus on the learning process gained by the experience and to trust that good things will play out in the long run.
How happy we are really, truly, completely is our own choice. It's a matter of the lens we choose to view life through, and a happy, positive one always leads to a better outcome!
This kid could teach some lessons to most of the single guys whose dating (and, hey, even just friendship) paths have crossed mine in recent years. Seriously. GENIUS!
So, speaking of dating... gotta share some game-changing experiences and insights of late.
To set up the context, I don't know the last time that my love life was a complete blank slate. Even when I made major state-to-state moves, there was almost always some lingering crush or long-distance relationship that I hoped would pan out down the road. Life's been such nonstop crazy since I moved in August that I have yet to start a new social life in town. But now that the dust is settling, I feel overwhelmingly that it's time for a new chapter of my life to begin.
And this is going to be the best chapter yet, friends! I'm so thrilled to see what's ahead, I can barely stand it!!! Giddy is an understatement.
But first, I had to clear up one lingering question mark: newfound interest in an amazing guy friend. Whether we'd be a match had yet to be determined, but guys of his caliber don't come along every day, so... I boldly sent him a more sophisticated take on "Do you like me? Check yes or no." He went for no, but good glory, friends, I've never been so thrilled for a rejection in all my life!!! After sending off the note, I seriously felt... ambivalent? I don't know how to explain it. Either outcome was a fabulous option, and both were better than this tepid wasteland of uncertainty. I felt strongly, though, that his answer was secondary to the fact that I'd dared greatly. I followed a distinct impression toward a path of action that scared the daylights out of me, and I lived to tell the tale--no regrets! I get to just plain enjoy this awesome friendship without any of that weirdness what creeps in with "what are we?" confusion.
Now I get to dive into the Provo/Orem social scene completely and totally unfettered by any outstanding emotional entanglements--and, better yet, I get to put into action all of the lessons learned from my crash course in dating along with all the insights, healing, and joy found in the new heart I've built since the old one shattered last spring. I've changed so much in the last year, it's startling. Was the process brutal? Yes--but now I get to enjoy the payoff of the blood, sweat, and tears: WISDOM. Dude. There is no putting a price tag on that gem!!! It truly is priceless.
And let's not forget the other payoff: CONFIDENCE. Seriously, how can you ever gain it except to take that risk, challenge your status quo, and succeed?! Nothing is a bigger factor in being attractive, either, than confidence--knowing that you're a good person doing good things in the world, making the most of the raw material at your fingertips. I've had this flurry of lightbulb moments in the last month, and one of the brightest moments was finally believing, no holds barred, that I am worthy of love and belonging, which is the key to true joy and connection in life. It sounds silly to revel in the knowledge that you're awesome, but anyone who knows my story well knows it's been a 30-year battle to get here. I had some ridiculously hard battles to fight literally from the cradle, but the beauty is that I've done it. I'm not a victim. I am a victor, and I have created a phenomenal life filled with more joy than I ever knew was possible. Life is truly good, friends. So humbled and blessed.
And so excited to put into practice all of these game-changing insights, including these newly gelled winners:
Don't reject yourself before the guy/girl can. Know the saying "whether you think you can or can't, you're right"? Same idea. Too often we discount our own value and figure the other person wouldn't be interested anyway, so why bother? And so we go for the safety of the friend zone before giving any potential a chance to play out. I totally did this with the aforementioned friend when we first met. After nearly a year of friendship, there's enough foundation to know it's nothing more, but right when meeting someone, there's no way to know! So instead of defaulting to the assumption that it's a friendship--or doing the flipside of falling head over heels for someone you don't even know--just be open. Don't be too quick to affix labels. That first bit of knowing someone is fact-finding. Just enjoy it for what it is, because you never get to return to that blank slate with that person again!
Worrying and overthinking are surefire roads to disaster. Trust me. If either were Olympic sports, I'd have a boatload of gold medals. Overthinking is a defense mechanism, seeking to make certainty out of something that is inherently uncertain. The more you replay the tape and overanalyze, the more confusing it gets. Worrying is a total energy-waster, too. It might feel like you're actively working on something, but you're not. Switch off the brain, trust your intuition, and just enjoy watching how things unfold. Your energy is better expended in improving what you bring to the table as a partner, since that's just about the only thing you can control in a relationship.
Trust that your awesomeness will attract the right person. It's that simple. Think of the word "attraction" beyond its dating definition. It's something whose inherent appeal draws the right thing, like a magnet attracting metal. Attraction in dating should be that simple, organic, and effortless. The magnet doesn't do some sort of dog-and-pony show to entice the metal. It doesn't try to morph itself into a different substance that will click with some other target. Granted, magnets don't have brains or emotions to do any of that anyway... but you get the point. All of us (well, except for sociopaths) have some degree of insecurity, especially in this arena. It's natural. But make the effort to overpower that negative impulse with positivity! You can't control other people's actions, interest, reactions, etc. Don't chase after someone who doesn't feel a draw toward you, especially when that could disconnect you from someone who actually does feel drawn into your orbit. All you can do is to play your own cards well and then rest assured that the best thing for you will shake out in whatever form and timeframe. Everyone--EVERYONE--deserves to be at the receiving end of head-over-heels, crazy-stupid love. Seriously, why on earth would you settle for anything less than that?! As Oscar Wilde brilliantly put it, "How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly NORMAL human being?" It's not just the material of Hollywood fairytales. I've seen countless case studies in that kind of love among my nearest and dearest who married well. So sit back and enjoy the journey to that kind of happy ending!
Have fun! Seriously. Life is a mixed bag, and we can't control circumstances--but we have a heck of a lot more control over our joy level than we often accept. Choose to see the silver linings. Choose to assume the best of people and of situations. Choose to believe that you're awesome--and if you think it, why on earth would anyone disagree? Choose to own your story and to let others own theirs. Mistakes and missteps shape our stories as much as the well-made decisions do. Don't stress. Just roll with it. Life is that we might have joy, and that joy comes from within. Whether it fills your heart or not is up to you--and that kind of radiance is way more attractive than a dour, downcast countenance!
So, here's to a new, clean page in my dating saga. I'm beyond thrilled to break from the past patterns and see how this next chapter will unfold!
