30 By 30: Making the End of My 20s Count

So... this post is about two months overdue, but better late than never, right?

Thirty. 

Holy crepe. How on earth am I staring that milestone in the face?! Feels like just yesterday that I was too young to sit in the bar area of restaurants. My 20s have flow by in such a blur, and I can hardly believe they're nearly over!

Then again, when people in my ward barely graduated from high school... and when my friends are all pretty much done birthing their babies... well... the reality of my age catches up to me. And it isn't a bad thing, either. Besides those occasional moments when I want to run screaming down the hall, I'm pretty much okay with owning my almost-30 status.

Still, ending my 20s is no small feat, and I want to do it well. And so, in no particular order, here are 30 things I hope to accomplish in the next 308 days (some of which are already in progress):

1. Become a "True Aggie." Preferably at the hands... er, lips... of someone who isn't some random stranger.
   
   
2. Visit five new states. And since this goes retroactively to my birthday, Georgia counts - so I've got four to go. If Route 66 happens, then I'll knock out Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma, and Texas. I'm also considering a Spring Break trip to Boston, and I could tack on a road trip around New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine. So stinkin' excited.
   
   
3. Go on 30 dates. Again, if we date this back to my birthday, I've gone on six so far. But I'm really going back to the beginning of 2011, which puts me at 16 so far. I think I can swing 14 dates in 10 months. I hope.
   
   
4. Become my authentic self. Years ago, my friend Kaylynn wrote a blogpost about becoming her authentic self. That post has haunted me ever since! I wondered what that even meant - and what it would feel like to peel off the layers of self-protecting barriers and be completely comfortable in my skin. I'm getting danged close, and it is the most empowering thing ever! I'm not sure that this process ever really ends, but I'd like to make it a high priority. Dr. Brene Brown has some great stuff on this topic, if you're interested.
   
   
5. Attend the temple at least 30 times.
   
   
   And as a part of that, I'm trying to make the Draper temple my temple of choice (Provo's where I usually go - part sentimentality, part habit). I'd love to feel as connected to the Draper temple as I still do to Newport Beach.
   
   
6. Learn to ski. This will be my ninth winter in Utah, and I've never tried skiing. Ridiculous. Time to start!
   
   
7. Drive Route 66. Finally. This is the time!!!
   
   
   
   
8. Go on a cruise with my best friends. Perhaps we can make it a joint "We're all turning 30!" celebration!
   
   
9. Be debt-free. I'm sooooo clooooooose...
   
   
10. Sew what? I have a sewing machine, but that doesn't mean I know how to sew. Unless there's a proficient seamstress nearby to help me with the bobbin and all that nonsense, I'm hopeless. At the very least, I would love to turn the quilt blocks we made for a friendship quilt in my San Clemente singles ward into a bonafide quilt. And finish those baby quilts I started for Primary Children's Hospital in the spring. (Sorry, Caron!!! I know I'm a slacker!!!)
    
    
11. Get at least one really, really good kiss. Like, of the foot-popping variety.
    
    
12. Hike Mt. Washburn.
    
    
    My poor father pushed us to do this when I was 10, and I whined the entire way up... until I realized how awesome it was that I climbed a freakin' mountain, and I skipped the rest of the way down. For years I've been wanting to go back and do this hike in Yellowstone again, sans the whining. And speaking of hiking...
    
    
13. Hike the Y. Since I'm ashamed that I never got around to this as a BYU student.
    
    
14. Hike Timp. I work at the base of this stunningly gorgeous mountain yet have never attempted to climb it. Again, ridiculousness. This must happen.
    
    
15. Read 30 books. Since we're doing the 30 theme. And textbooks totally count, because 30 is a lot! That's three a month from here on out.
    
    
16. Finish the Book of Mormon twice. And one of those times will be by Christmas, thanks to my stake challenge (that I'm woefully and pathetically hundreds of pages behind on... yikes!).
    
    
17. Get starstruck.
    
    
    And no, I'm not talking about celebrities. I've always been fascinated by stars, but I've never taken the time or made the effort to really learn astronomy or even name many constellations. Definitely a goal worth pursuing.
    
    
18. Lose 30 pounds. Again, with the 30 thing. I'd actually like to go beyond that, but I'd be happy with this. Honestly, it's more pragmatic than cosmetic. Everyone says that your metabolism hits a wall at 30. It's going to be a heck of a lot easier to reach my goal and fight to maintain it than to fight to get there after 30.
    
    
19. Make time to WRITE.
    
    
    And I'm not talking blogging or creating content for pay. I'm talking writing from my heart, putting the proverbial pen to paper and telling stories that keep knocking around in my brain. I'm in a writer's group, so that accountability should help. (Thanks, Rachel!)
    
    
20. Just dance. Dancing feeds my soul, and I can tell the difference in my overall life when I'm dancing and not. Same thing for exercise in general, but dance is definitely my workout of choice. There's a killer ballet-fitness class in Lehi I went to a few times and LOVE - again, just gotta make it a priority. I need to be dancing at least once a week, whether it's a class or just a rock-out session in my bedroom.
    
    
21. Sing, sing, sing. Along the same lines, singing and music bring more joy to my heart than just about anything else. So I'm planning to start voice lessons in January - already have an amazing teacher lined up, soooo excited!!! - and I'd like to get my voice beyond the awesome shape it was in while in OCMCO (which was the peak of my personal vocal performance as far as technique and timbre go).
    
    
22. Put my clothes away in the closet, not on the floor. Harder than it sounds, people. Harder than it sounds.
    
    
23. Reinstate "Christa Dates." I know it sounds so New Age-y, but there's sooooo much value in getting time alone to ponder and just breathe sans pressure or company. In college, I was good about setting aside Friday nights for me time, but these days it's rare. In fact, I blame my snoozing addiction on this. That quiet time before I'm out of bed seems to be the only time I get to myself all day, but indulging in snoozing just makes me start the day rushed. Quality alone time should supplant the snooze. In fact...
    
    
24. Stop snoozing. See above. Addictive! And speaking of addictions...
    
    
25. Give up the Diet Pepsi once and for all. And that goes for all soda, caffeinated or not. Why must flavored, carbonated chemicals be so tasty (but so unhealthy)?! WHY?! Curse you, soda!
    
    
26. Write in my journal weekly. Or at least a few times a month. I tend to blog more than journal, but I also filter what goes on the blog (shocking, right?). So there's a lot of real stuff that doesn't get recorded that should. Although my journals do make for an entertaining read of my dating history, since I somehow manage to get that written down every time. *sigh* Ridiculous girl.
    
    
27. Learn to poach an egg.
    
    
    Eggs Benedict is sooooo my favorite breakfast EVER, largely because of the buttery goodness of the poached egg. However, that's one cooking technique that intimidates me like no other. I've conquered my abject fear of pie crusts (thanks, Mishy!!!) - it's time to take on the poached egg.
    
    
28. Make the most of my commute. I loooooove music, so I'd much rather tune out to some tunes on the drive home than listen to spoken word. However, I'm spending at least 5-10 hours in my car each week. Just think of all the spiritual nourishment I could digest if I spent at least a few of those drives listening to BYU devotionals, General Conference talks, etc.?!
    
    
29. Run a 5K. And I mean actually run it this time. None of that sissy walking because I woke up on race day with legs made of cement. I still hate running, but I can appreciate its health benefits. And maybe if I persist at it, I'll actually grow to love it.
    
    
30. Channel my inner Annie Oakley.
    
    
    I'd love to be the kind of woman who is as proficient on the shooting range as she is in the kitchen. Gotta know how to protect myself, after all. The zombies might really come!!!
    

Whew! Do I ever have my work cut out for me or what?! Should be a fun year, though. And if anyone wants to join me on some of these goals (i.e. traveling, hiking, shooting, running, dancing, etc.), let me know!

A Zombie Love Story

This song is making my day.

If I were a zombie, I'd never eat your brain - I'd just want your heart.

Seriously, what says love more than that?! If I had a sweetheart this Halloween, I would be posting this on his Facebook right about now. But alas, I'm still sweetheart-free. So instead, I'm sharing the goodness with you, dear friends.

You're welcome.

Vacation Time!

I'll give you three chances to guess where I'm headed tomorrow:

Yep! That's right. Tomorrow I hop on a plane to visit...

...with these two lovely, dear friends.

To say I'm excited is an understatement! Two of my best friends in the world, fulfilling my lifelong dream of exploring the Deep South, noshing some serious Southern cuisine, and taking a WORK-FREE break (that's right - no laptop this trip!!!) - it's going to be glorious! Y'all have fun!!!

In Which I Ponder a Ph.D.

"You really should consider comms studies," Dr. Pratte insisted.

All communications majors at BYU were required to take Comms 300: History of Communications, which involved a major research project. For what it was worth, my study of the changing perception of the American family as captured on the cover of TV Guide from the 1950s to the present (2001) caught the soon-to-retire professor's eye. I chalked it up to my being an American Studies major, trained to think outside the box and draw cultural connections. Dr. Pratte saw it as proof of a communications scholar - and from then on, he spent the rest of the semester trying to convince me to follow a research track that would take me into deeper levels of academia. He even had me present my paper at a conference - the only undergrad in the lineup, and a mere sophomore at that.

But there was no practical application for the communications studies emphasis. The only door you had after graduating was more school - and I had noooooo desire to get a master's degree! I just wanted my bachelor's. And my Mrs. Mostly the Mrs., really, but the pragmatist in me was also wise enough to know that whatever I graduated in needed the potential to pay the bills.

The only potential result of comms studies was more bills - so I stuck with print journalism. Which is ironic, really, considering its paltry ability to pay the bills... but that's a discussion for another day. 

Here I sit, a decade later, mulling over that conversation. Maybe Dr. Pratte was onto something. Maybe he saw something in my 19-year-old self that I couldn't see. 

Because now my 29-year-old self, in her first semester of grad school, has a Ph.D.-worthy research project idea that simply won't leave this overextended, already-all-over-the-place brain.

Lately I can't stop thinking about connection - particularly, as one song in the musical Rent puts it, "connection in an isolating age." These days we are more connected than ever before through digital means - and yet, we're more isolated and disconnected from one another. And we, as human beings, are wired for connection. We crave it. We need it to function. And too few of us are getting the quality and quantity needed to nurture our souls.

While the blame could be placed on those electronic means, I argue that the means are amoral tools - they exist not as agents but to be acted upon. They're tools, capable of good and evil. Their morality depends wholly upon their employment - and so, therefore, the burden of responsibility is on the user as well as on the designer of the methods.

I would looooooove nothing more than to delve into the psychology of interpersonal connection, the psychology of the brain's engagement with various electronic platforms, and then look at how those platforms could be altered in a way that fosters true interpersonal connection while mitigating the negative effects inherent in the electronic engagement.

Yes, this is the stuff that keeps me up at night.

But where can I find the time to get into it? And with what application or access? While researching a paper for my Utah State class that's due this week, I ended up downloading well over a dozen journal articles that look at psychology and social media. I want to study and analyze them - but with what time? My plate is so filled to the brim, I basically can only focus on whatever the next burning fire is, whatever deadline's slapping me in the face.

My research will have to wait. I can only juggle so much, and right now my focus is nurturing and building my career. Well, that, and finally attaining my Mrs. - in which case that would become my focus. I don't really see where a Ph.D. fits into the picture. All I can handle for now is slogging through my MS, one class at a time.

But that doesn't mean the idea is going to stop haunting me.

As I've learned (with help from Elizabeth Gilbert's TED presentation), when the Muse strikes, I have little choice but to listen - or to be haunted by knowing that I let a good idea pass by unrealized. That's why I end up blogging not one but two posts in one night when I really need to be writing a paper due the next day - it's like I have to clear those ideas out of the queue in order to move on with my life.

This one, though? There'll be no clearing it out for years, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it presently. But one thing is for certain:

I want a Ph.D.,

which thing I never had supposed.

Becoming What the World Needs

“The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender.

There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. 

There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.
We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith.
We have enough greed; we need more goodness.
We have enough vanity; we need more virtue.
We have enough popularity; we need more purity."

- Margaret D. Nadauld

The world in which we live makes me so sad sometimes. Men's hearts truly are failing them - all you have to do is to look at the news to see all the horrible, base things that happen each and every day. We hail from this royal generation - and yet, how much do we see squandered potential everywhere around us? Addictions, distractions, a lack of basic respect, reverence, or dignity - it's just heartbreaking to see how many people live below their divine inheritances... and either don't know they deserve better or don't care to do the work required to find better things.

This morning I was thinking about how little the world reveres reverence or respect - simple things that would make life that much better. In today's world, nothing is sacred - and yet, we have the challenge to live sanctified lives, to rise above the fray and to lift up our brothers and sisters while we're at it. 

No small feat, right?

How profoundly grateful I am for the understanding that we can and must do better than what we see around us - to create families that are blessed, not broken; to show forth compassion and courage despite the calloused hands and hearts we encounter. Let us never forget who we are - READ THIS if you need a reminder - to embrace and understand our eternal identities, and to help others do the same.

"Strange Love" Indeed: Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Dating

Dating is often referred to in terms of "feast" and "famine."

Well, somehow my dating life leapt from the desolate dryness of the Sahara Desert to the lush tropics of the Amazon in the past year.

Since January, I have gone on 16 legitimate dates - which is probably more than the rest of my 13-year dating history combined (excluding group dates and vague "hanging out" relationships). In February I set the goal of going on 30 dates by the time I hit 30, which felt like a major stretch. Now, amazingly, I'm more than halfway there. In the last couple of months, I've averaged a date a weekend as long as I've been in town. From Fictionist concerts in crowded Provo clubs to chic Greek restaurants in  Los Angeles's Larchmont Village to floating cucumber boats in a Draper creek, I've enjoyed a wide variety of date experiences with some phenomenally quality men.

Pretty much a miracle, kids.

All too often dating is seen as a "necessary evil" or "means to an end," but I've shifted my outlook in the last year. Dating has taught me fascinating and valuable life lessons - about myself, about gender roles and balance, about the other people, about relationships, etc. It's been so eye opening and just plain amazing, and I've come to genuinely love dating. Sure, it has its share of awkwardness and uncertainty, but it's also a lot of fun.

Here are some of the best lessons I've learned along this journey so far. Please feel free to add in any other great lessons you've found in the comments!!!

Rejection is not a reflection of your value.

How willing are we as humans to hand off our hearts and our self-worth to the judgments of others? It is the silliest thing, really, and yet we all do it - especially in dating. Trust me, I had a loooooong dry spell that involved many tears and anguished questioning of "What is wrong with me?!" And then I had a wonderful breakthrough, reviewing my dating history from a sadder-but-wiser perspective and recognizing that not a single rejection had to do with me.

And I don't mean that in an "I'm perfect" way, either, because I'm not. But it wasn't a judgment on my worth or value. In the most excruciating case, it honestly was just circumstances - and we're still good friends to this day, years after he's married and moved on, for that reason. A couple of my earliest dating disasters were due to immaturity on my part or theirs, but again, that's just a part of life's learning curve. A wonderful piece that ran in the New York Times recently explored this idea - just because things don't work out doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It just means you haven't found the right one yet. End of story.

Guys need to learn how appealing their interest makes them. Seriously. I've heard over and over and over again that guys' fear of rejection holds them back from asking girls out more often than not. I wish they'd take a risk and ask more often, though! John Gray mentions this in his book Mars and Venus on a Date, and I can back it up 110 percent. More than a few of the guys I've gone out with this year weren't guys who caught my eye, but the mere fact that they singled me out as someone to take out had a huge impact. In some cases, it's taken myself or girl friends a few dates to decide we're into the guy - but by the time we make that decision, we're in (and just hope and pray he still is, too!). It's immensely validating to be noticed by a guy, especially a worthwhile one. And, really, who doesn't need a little more validation.



Every. Little. Thing. doesn't matter. No one falls for you (or rejects you) based on one single little conversation or thing. It was like a revelation when I realized that with friendships, I don't fret about every single thing I say or do. My friends like me for me in the aggregate, not in the details, y'know? Similarly, people fall in love with the whole of another person - with their essence, not because they sent one word-perfect text or wore just the right thing. There's no need to analyze every gesture, tone, word, etc.

And, hey, we're all human - even a negative interaction could have nothing to do with you. The other person could be sick or having a really bad day or just need a nap. Assume the best about them, and assume they think the best of you. Life is much happier for you and for everyone else when you don't go around trying to read meaning into everything. I also am learning to not stress if there's a fleck of dandruff on my black shirt or if my eyes reject my contacts so I'm in four-eyes mode for the day. In the long run, it's the connection, chemistry, communication, etc. that count.

Honesty is the best policy.
Resist the urge to play games. Yes, there is such a thing as "playing the game" in a positive sense - meaning that you don't lay all of your cards on the table upfront and that you maintain some sense of mystery to keep the other person interested.

But there's a huge difference between that and scheming in the name of attracting someone's attention. Ploys and tricks don't show cleverness - they show a lack of confidence! You - by yourself - are valid and worthy of that cute guy/girl's attention. Believe that, and it will radiate - and that radiance will draw him/her in 100 times better than any ploy ever will.

Also, don't be afraid to be up front. I learned this the hard way recently. A guy asked me three or four times if I planned to go to a football game, and I purposefully remained vague - wanting to leave the space for him to step in and ask me to go with him. Totally backfired. He ended up being sick and unable to go, but he might have assumed that I had other friends I could go to this with (I didn't). So instead of making it clear that my priority was him, not the football game (since we all know I don't actually care about sports), I missed out on seeing him again (and making my interest level clear). Oh well - lesson learned for next time!

You can't read minds, so don't waste the energy trying.

There is absolutely no way to know what's on the other side of the equation. Even if you ask, the other party may try to save face and not be entirely honest. One of the best dates I had this year was with a guy I'd liked for months - and later found out that he wasn't even interested in me! He'd asked me out because he'd heard I was into him, and he wanted to see if there was something he was missing in his lack of interest. After that experience - complete with dashed hopes and expectations - I learned to stop assuming interest in either direction. Really, you can worry 'til you go crazy about what they're thinking - but it's more productive to stop and focus on what you're thinking of them. After all, that's all you can control, and it's pretty danged important. And empowering.

Stop rewinding the tape. Dating is not football, and you don't need to analyze the proverbial "game tape" of each date and interaction. As John Bytheway says in his "What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single," you can replay the mental tape of a date and read it as positive or negative, all depending upon which parts you focus on. Totally reminds me of the Reese Witherspoon-Mark Ruffalo movie Just Like Heaven - the ending involves a montage of the best parts of the protagonists' romance (starts at 1:30):



In an alternate joke ending, the filmmakers made a similar highlights reel of the awkward, awful moments in the relationship, with the couple opting to part ways instead:



So hilarious - and also so true to life.

Learn to be interested - but not invested. It is a fine line to walk, but it's doable. There's nothing wrong about having genuine interest in someone, but make sure that the interest is in them, not in who you're projecting them to be. That absolutely requires letting things unfold in the process of time without making hasty decisions in either direction. Be open either way, and also accept that the other person is in that same decision-making mode - which means that the scales could tip in your favor just as easily as they could tip toward rejection.

That's why it's vital to maintain interest but hold back on pouring your heart and soul into anything too soon. Your heart is worthy of so much more. Also, that whole rejection process is messy for all involved - but if they're not interested and you're not all that invested, then it's a lot easier to say "Hmmm, bummer" and move along with your life than if you poured emotional energy into someone who didn't deserve or welcome it.

Oh, and while we're at it...

Crushes are a complete and total waste of time.

Last year I'd had a huuuuuuge crush on this guy I barely knew. One conversation with him before, and I'd been hooked - and subsequently so disappointed when he started dating someone else. Lo and behold, we reconnected this year and have gone out a couple of times. I've had a great time with him, but I also knew pretty quickly that there wasn't a whole lot of potential. He's a great guy - there's just a lack of a spark and some other things that don't fit for me, and I realize how futile it was to get all giddy about him before. I was giddy about who I thought he was, not who he really is, and that's not at all fair to him.

And whatever you do...

Avoid the impulse to think someone is "perfect." Otherwise you are setting both of you up for some serious disappointment and disillusionment. Perfection is a lot of pressure to live up to, since no one's actually capable of attaining it. Someone might be a great fit for you, but that doesn't mean they're a perfect person. Besides, it's way more fun to be cherished and cuddled up in someone's arms than to be admired on a cold, lonely pedestal.

What are your best dating tips or insights?

Letting Go and Grasping "That Good Part"

I have a paper due tomorrow - the first school paper I've had to write in, oh, seven-ish years. So here I sit, sipping a caramel apple cider float (Seriously. OBSESSED. You must try, friends!), listening to this wonderfulness, and blogging. Naturally.

You call it procrastination, I call it much-needed "negative time."

Lately it feels like all I do is work - at my job, at school, at my side projects, at my calling, at self-improvement. Coming from a family of workaholics, it's not hard for me to feel this constant need to work, especially when my to-do list never seems to end. After all, as I've written before, work has a wonderful spiritual dimension that expands our souls as it strengthens us and expands our capacities, stretching us to new heights.

But sometimes... we need to stop. Seriously.

There is a point at which being "anxiously engaged in a good cause" gives way to "run[ning] faster than [we have] strength," which we're told is beyond the realm of doing all things with wisdom and order, and I feel like I've reached that point. Even the fun things like playing with friends, dating, and traveling have somehow shifted into feeling like more work, and that simply is not acceptable.

After all, Christ made time to draw away from the crowds and refocus. He chided Martha for being so "cumbered about much serving" that she failed to choose "that good part" and drink deeply from Living Waters at the Savior's feet while she had the opportunity. The Prophet Joseph Smith was advised to "not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided... but be diligent unto the end." Even Elder Richard G. Scott gave a wonderful example in April 2011's General Conference about how his wife urged him to play in the fall leaves with his young children instead of fixing their broken washing machine.

There will forever be things that need doing. There will never be the opportunity to go back, however, and to change those crucial interpersonal moments that get lost in the shuffle. A quote I heard in church earlier this summer has become words I've tried to live by ever since:

Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.

(And sometimes that person deserving love is ourselves.)

In order to give that all-important love, we need water in our well from which to draw. We've even been commanded to "be not weary in well doing." I think that goes beyond not getting sick of doing good things. We also need to avoid getting sick from doing too much "well doing" at the expense of our hearts and sanity.

Lately I feel like I've just been present - and that's about as good as it gets. My recent trip to Denver was lovely, but I felt like such a zombie!!! I can get away with that with close friends, but with new people (more specifically, with these awesome guys who have asked me out of late), it simply doesn't cut it. I feel like with each date I've gone on in the last several months - since my play started in the spring, really - I've felt like

even if I looked more like

And that honestly goes for at least a dozen dates this year. How unfortunate! I just load up on caffeine, put on a smile, and do my best to be engaged and interesting when, really, I could fall asleep any minute. An exhausted shadow of the awesome person I can be is hardly the impression I want to leave.

The upside to the craziness is that it's caused me to really reevaluate my priorities, to find what I can trim and to let things go in their season. I've honed in on energy-zapping relationships and said that basically it gets better, or we don't have a relationship. (Most empowering thing ever!) I simply don't have the energy to waste on that anymore. I'm a less anxious dater now because I don't have the time to spend fretting about what his interest level is. I know if I'm interested or not, and either way, whatever happens isn't a reflection on my worth or value. Sometimes the chemistry doesn't ignite. No use worrying about it. Things happen or they don't - and what's right to happen will happen eventually.

Best of all, I'm learning to let go of the concept of being perfect. Honest to goodness, one of my Thirty, Flirty and Thriving goals was to strive for perfection by 30. Sure, I'd say, I know perfection isn't actually attainable... but let's be honest. I really did want to get as close to it as possible. But now, I'm embracing the gifts of imperfection and vulnerability, seeing the wisdom and order in just being good enough and doing my best. It may not be perfect, but it's all I can give.

After all, that's why we have a Savior - to bridge the gaps where we fall short, not only in terms of sin and sickness but in everyday shortcomings.

And it's beautiful to let go and embrace "good enough." All these things I do aren't who I am, after all. It's important to be engaged, but it's also important to not get so depleted that there's nothing left to give.

So for now, I'm going to read this (and listen to) this BYU devotional by Elder Neal A. Maxwell over and over and over again until it sinks in. And I'll keep diligently doing my best, but I'll also work on refilling my bucket so I can get back to the main purpose we're here on this planet:

"Adam fell that man might be; and men are, that they might have joy."

The Changing Seasons of our Lives

Back in May 2009, I wrote about how I was spinning - trying to juggle work, choir, church, and  friends.

That post just sprung to mind, and I had to chuckle. These days I'm trying to balance:

• Work (which, thankfully, I love - makes it far less drudgery than back in '09, when I HATED my job!)
• Grad school
• Ward Mission Council leadership and visits (I'm co-chair)
• One freelance client
• The LDS-Jewish blog 
• Starting a consulting business, including a social media marketing blog
• Awesome friends, roommates, cousins, etc. in the area
• Dating (yeah, finally - this is a big part of my life these days!)
• Still making time for the arts, even if it means as an audience member - no time to be performing now
• Working on myself
• And trying desperately to still make time for the things of eternal consequence that matter most - meaningful prayers, meaningful scripture study (including catching up on the Book of Mormon challenge on which I'm behind, oh, 100 pages probably by now!), and regular temple attendance

Ummmm... yah. It makes my "too busy" life of 2009 seem like a cakewalk!

But that's so par for course, isn't it? Just as we're given light and knowledge "line upon line, precept upon precept," our capacities expand with each additional ball we juggle. And, thankfully, after being at it long enough now, I have the wisdom to let some things phase out temporarily, like taking a summer hiatus from Latter-day Shalom while in the play, or now picking the blog up again and figuring I'll do the arts in season (like only during the summer, when I'm not focused on school). 

What keeps coming back to me is that we can do it all - just not all at the same time! No one is really Superwoman. I'd like to think I am, but... *sigh* I'm not. And I'm not perfect, and that's perfectly fine! There really is a time and a place for everything. Yesterday I lunched with a college friend, and it was interesting to see how, to a certain extent, we longed for each other's lives - her for my career, me for her stay-at-home mom-ness. It struck me as we chatted that we'll have our time for both. My days as a wife and a mother will come eventually, and as her daughter (and future children) become more self-sufficient, she'll get her time to get her Ph.D. and career. It's not now - but that certainly doesn't mean it's never, right?

Autumn is here, and the change in the weather always makes me wistful about the seasons of life. Nothing is forever, and yet there's rhythm and order to it all. Summer gives way to fall, fall freezes into w...w... ugh. The W. word that I hate now that I live in Utah. You know the one. With the cold, slippery white stuff. Anyways, that awful one eventually thaws into a refreshing spring, which warms up into the party time of summer (a.k.a. PARADISE... mmmmm...).

Life is more of a one-way, linear path, but it definitely has seasons - childhood gives way to singlehood with college and career, which gives way to a family focus, and then the children grow and life is filled with service, hobbies, family, whatever life brings. We can't control when these seasons come and go any more than we can will Mother Nature to prolong summer or speed up to spring. There are reasons beyond us for the timing of those changes, and there's wisdom behind the ones we don't like (like I can begrudgingly admit winter's good with its snowpack being necessary for the water supply, blah blah blah). They all work together cohesively. Our job is to find joy wherever we are now, learning from what's past and preparing for what's to come.

And... fine... I'll try to learn to love Utah winters this year. And maybe even try skiing. If I must.

Getting to Know You

Good friends are worth their weight in gold - heck, diamond-encrusted platinum, really - and I am blessed to have many of my nearest and dearest nearby, scattered along the Wasatch Front. Several close friends from high school, college, Orange County, and beyond (not to mention many a favorite cousin) live within an hour's drive of my place in Draper. And while this is pretty much the coolest thing since sliced bread, it does present a problem:

I've kinda sorta forgotten how to get to know new people.

I mean, it's not like I can't meet new people, but the people with whom I spend the most time are those who have known me for a long time. The "newest" of those I count in this circle would be my roommate with whom I've been best friends for six years now. With these "bosom friends," I am 110% comfortable and can just let my hair down and be myself. I feel secure and trust them, and in return, they get to see the real me, no holds barred.

Being friendly and acquiring acquaintances is easy as pie (which, by the way, is not all that easy to make - who comes up with these idioms?!) for me. I loooooove people, and I love learning their stories, what makes them tick. That's the main reason I became a journalist.

But that whole getting-to-know-you process is one I hadn't encountered for a while. Then I started the Thirty, Flirty and Thriving Initiative back in March, and voila! Somehow it's actually worked. I've met tons of amazing new people - including many dates. (Oh, yes - I am halfway to the "30 dates by 30" goal, happy to say!) Most of the dates have been guys I've known for a while beforehand, but a couple of them have been of the type where the date was our second social interaction following meeting - meaning that I'm spending a good chunk of one-on-one time with a complete and total stranger. (Or spending General Conference Sunday on a second date that involves dinner and Conference at his parent's house with his entire family.)

Yeah, that's not intimidating.

I don't mean to look a gift horse in the mouth here. It's fantastic and lovely, and the caliber of guys taking me out is phenomenal. There hasn't been one yet where I would've turned down a subsequent date.

But it's fascinating to me to see just how much dating magnifies this awkwardness I have in the whole getting-to-know-you convo.

For the most part, I prefer to get dates talking about themselves and their interests than to talk about myself. But when I do start telling a story, sometimes I get on a roll and forget to turn the question back to them. Or I'll think of things later on that I'd love to hear about, only the moment has moved along, and hearkening back to it could be unnatural. I sooooo wish I were better at that! You'd think after being a journalist that I'd be a natural at getting people to talk, but I have so much room for improvement.

Then there's the whole beyond-my-comfort-zone part of dating: the reveal. There are endless facets to each of us - likes and dislikes, experiences and anecdotes. So when it comes to meeting someone new, there's always this process for me to think through what facet should lead. I mean, I'm in marketing for a living - it's natural to determine the appropriate messaging for each audience. I've been blessed to have a lot of cool opportunities and experiences that translate into fun conversation and storytelling, but I feel like my strategy needs work. It's like playing cards - you don't want to put all your best cards on the table off the bat, y'know? Does he need to know that I interned for a national radio talk show in college or once snuck onto the set of an MTV pilot being filmed in Santa Monica and got to be an extra? Will my success intimidate guys who aren't in their careers yet? I've gone out with quite a few college students, whether undergrad or grad, and I worry that I'll intimidate them by being ahead of them in that part of life, or that they'll assume I'll want a career over a family down the line (which is sooooo not the case - I really just want to be a homemaker, but a girl's gotta eat!).

Or, more importantly, does he need to know my conversion story or that I feel like a third wheel with either of my parents and their respective families? Because those points actually came up on my most recent date, and while it's entirely natural to ask about a date's family, mine isn't picture perfect, and I get wary of whether I'll be judged for its imperfections (especially when it's Date's dad asking me about it!).

Also, how quickly do I let my smarts flag fly? I am SUCH a nerd!!! I absolutely love knowledge, my brain's geared to latch onto trivia, and I get so enthused to share information that I end up geeking out about the most random things. Even though I generally regard this as an asset, I've been so worried lately that it's a liability when dating. Does my date really care that the Joseph Smith Memorial Building features the egg-and-dart motif in its moulding? Probably not. Will I win him over with stories of how I once had a celebrity sighting of Wil Wheaton (aka Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation) while a child? Or telling him about how several major events in LDS Church history align with major Jewish holidays that have significance to the event (i.e. Moroni handing over the gold plates to Joseph Smith on Rosh Hashanah, the Feast of Trumpets)? Possibly. You never know.

We're all nerdy and informed about some niche - but I somehow insecurely wonder if sharing info is going to make me come off as a know-it-all or get annoying. If I knew the person better, I could better gauge that, but how can you tell when you barely know someone?

Anyways, those are my ramblings for the morning.

What are your tried-and-true conversation starters? How do you get to know new people better?