Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets...

By the way, the Civic finally has a name: Lola.

It really was between that and Cici, but Lola won the poll, and it just seems right - sassy and fierce, as opposed to sweet and cutesy like Cici. Sassy and fierce better fits where I am in my life right now. I'm nearing 30; it's time to put cute and sweet on the shelf.

Anyways.

The name comes from Damn Yankees. In the show, Lola is the Devil's assistant, tasked to seduce the protagonist, Joe, and make him forget about his wife. I know, I know - let's name the car after a homewrecking slut. But have you heard the song "Whatever Lola Wants"?



It's been said this is possibly the best dance in DWTS history - the actual dance is from 2:18-4:02.

(And don't worry, in the play, Lola doesn't succeed. Yay, family values!)

However, I have been informed that The Kinks (of "You Really Got Me" fame) had a song named "Lola" about a tranny:



Hmmmm... oh well. I guess trannies are sassy and fierce too?

What's your car named and why?

Peace and Quiet

Life is all kinds of hectic right now - quite possibly more than ever before (which, granted, I know I say every time I get busy busy, but this time I mean it!). This morning I left the house at 6:30 a.m., and I won't get back until at least 10:15 p.m. - and that's going to be typical of every Tuesday and Thursday from here through August.

But that's alright, because by getting into work early, I can leave early - and that means I'll have a couple of hours between work and rehearsal to cram in some me time, whether it be reading Jane Eyre, starting my swimsuit shopping (any tips on good places to look?), or running some errands. (Normally I'd try to work out, but this pouring rain doesn't lend itself to a walk/run on the mean streets of Lehi). Totally, totally worth the early mornings.

And so here I sit, all by myself in the marketing department. The only sounds I hear are the whirring of - well, I'm not sure what. The heater? Other computers? Some fascinating machine in the production/editing room? - and the occasional opening and closing of the door leading to our floor, along with the clack-clack-clack of my keyboard as I furiously type.

It's awfully nice. No music, no clamor - just stillness.

I should do this more often.

The Moral Dilemma of Sampling

Does anyone else face an ethical/moral dilemma when shopping a grocery store with samples?

Every time I nosh my way through the "sample round" at Costco or Harmons, I wind up tasting a side of guilt with all the little goodies. It's too irresistible to take a bite of every offering - but what if I know there's no way I'll get it? Is that a form of dishonesty?

The worst is when there's a person distributing the melt-in-your-mouth morsels. As the kind sample-giver explain to me that what I'm salivating over is the caramel almond gelato, and that the gelateria behind me (yes, that's how Harmons rolls - they have one!) has an array of dazzling flavors that will keep me cool on this warm spring afternoon, I feign interest, smiling and nodding. The gelato is good - but at that price? Not a chance, sister! (But that doesn't mean I won't take a free bite. Ah! Dang it! Was that the right thing to do?!)

The quandry of ethical sampling spills into other arenas of life, too. Do you apply and interview for a job in which you have no interest, just for "experience"? Is that wasting your time - and theirs - or is it a useful step for you both to know what's out there thereby placing it in the "mutually beneficial" category?

And what of dating? I have yet to meet someone who hasn't faced this issue at least once.

Do you accept that invitation into another's mind, heart, and arms when, ultimately, you're sure you'll walk away? Then again, how do you know unless you venture therein? Who hasn't gone into a date more interested in the what than the who - only to find themselves staring at the phone, willing it to buzz with some call, text, Facebook post, something from the aforementioned who that's now become a part of daydreams aplenty?

But what if you know it's a no-go from the start - that the other person is fraught with red flags and dealbreakers (but not of the illegal or immoral kind)... but is willing? Is it playing with fire to sample - a date, a kiss - with no intention of ever entering the realm of a relationship? Or is it just playing, as harmless as children smooching on the playground with no idea of what a kiss should mean?

I've always, always, always felt that kissing should have meaning. If it meant missing out on that quintessential BYU NCMO (non-commital makeout session), so be it. I'd rather have a clear conscience and pristine track record. But as I've aged, my theoretical steadfastness on this standard has wavered. In theory, mind you. Not in practice. As I've debated the correctness of my long-held stance, I've been surprised by how adamant friends' opinions are on both ends of the spectrum! Some - especially of the "I'm now married and don't really care" variety - assure me that I think about it way too much and should just let go, relax, let loose, have fun. But is that really "fun"? Others back up my chaste, priggish Shoulder Angel's "a kiss is a commitment" stand (which, evidently, comes from a talk by Pres. Monson... so there?).

"No, no, he has a point."

Is there some ideal middle ground? What are your thoughts, friends?

Catalysts

"Our consciousness rarely registers the beginning of a growth within us any more than without us: there have been many circulations of the sap before we detect the smallest sign of the bud." - George Eliot, Silas Marner

Had you told me that attending a brunch discussion group in Provo two months ago would change my world, I probably would've called you crazy.

But you would've been right.

Rewind the tape to March. The proverbial ink was barely dry on my Utah State application, and I was finally emerging from hibernation into the swing of sociality once more. Saying yes to just about every invitation that came my way was the M.O., even if it meant getting together with a bunch of BYUites I didn't know (well, sans the invitee, an acquaintance whose path crossed mine in San Clemente). The "Provo Narrative Group" gathered for its third meeting at Communal, a hip restaurant in downtown Provo, to discuss Elizabeth Gilbert's TED presentation on genius.

In preparing for the get-together, I watched Gilbert's presentation over and over, listening to her explain how being inspired by her writing "genius" was unpredictable and whimsical, how strange it seemed to her to watch Eat, Pray, Love take off and take on a life of its own, apart from her, its creator. It resonated so well, surprisingly - I'd hated the film adaptation of her life, after all - and I related to Gilbert as a Writer, a label I'd never affixed to myself.

Writing had been a trade, a means of putting bread on the table and a roof over my head, and I'd approached it as a tactician, skillfully connecting words and ideas like a mason assembling a structure. After all, writing as an artist was impractical. My pragmatic roots run immensely deep, thanks to my uberpractical father and grandmother. Talent should be applied toward the end of paying bills or helping others, and if means are invested in a pursuit, it had better pay off dividends in the end.

As the group participants trickled into Communal's semiprivate meeting room, I felt at home - far more than would be anticipated in a room of virtual strangers (unless you count the, like, three conversations I'd had with Chase at FHE years before). This group was sharp - and fascinating. Many, if not most, had done semesters abroad, studying at Cambridge, conducting field studies in Ghana or India, seeing sights and having experiences I was too timid to tackle in my undergrad days. I know - me? Timid? Oh, you have no idea. I picked up stacks of study abroad fliers every single semester while a student, dreaming of exploring Europe with fellow students - but seeing as I was gratefully on the Grandma Scholarship, I didn't dare ask. It simply wasn't an option, I assumed - and I've only just realized how much I've held myself back from this, that, and the other for (possibly false) self-imposed reasons. Life's too short. It's just not worth limiting any possibility worth pursuing.

So, anyways. Brunch. Creativity. Scintillating conversation. Complete admiration and awe for the adventures and courage of this talented group of potential new friends.

While discussing writerly things, I mentioned how there were stories I wanted to tell - but didn't dare blog, seeing as it would be nearly impossible to alter identities and situations to adequately "protect the innocent" from my blog readership. A sandy-haired guy across the table encouraged me to write it down anyways. "You don't have to do anything with it now," he urged - just write it for now and save it somewhere for a later date.

This concept blew me away. It was a total "Eureka!" moment.

I'd never seriously considered spending time doing that. Sure, the idea had fleetingly crossed my mind - but it was chased away just as quickly as it had arrived, fleeing in fear and terror from the pitchfork-wielding Pragmatist. Okay, that was a little hyperbolic... but, really, I'd never thought of that as something I could/would do. After all, I'm not really a "Writer" - I simply don't do things like that.

Well, that simple nudge from a complete stranger stuck. His encouragement has been buzzing in my ears for two months now, and all I can think about is writing - even if I initially talked myself out of pursuing it. The process has been gradual - and, frankly, a little comical - as I've faced this internal battle between the Pragmatist and the Artist. Like last week, when I snatched up a cute little Moleskin-esque writing notebook from the clearance section at Borders. It caught my eye while picking up the latest Legit Lit read, and notebooks are always handy to have. I didn't have to use it like real writers, though - I could make errand lists in it, or take notes for church firesides. Practical stuff. Again, I'm not one of those writerly people...

Or at least I wasn't until last Friday, when I found myself sitting on the rooftop of a parking structure in downtown Provo, struck to the core with the need to write. Right now. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Never before in my life have I felt that urge to write so immediately or intensely. I asked a fellow concert-waiter to watch my chairs and dashed down to my car, heart racing, sprinting across the parking lot, all the while thinking "What am I doing?! THIS IS SO NOT ME!!!"

And an equally loud voice rebutted, "WHY NOT?! Just because it wasn't you doesn't mean it can't be. Do not let your past define - or limit - your future."

Pen in hand, notebook open, I let loose. It wasn't journaling, and it wasn't blogging. It wasn't my usual first-person ramblings. Rather, by hand, I crafted a third-person perspective of what was happening in the moment, no more knowing the outcome than I could tell you what my life holds. It needs transcribing and editing, but I've shown the raw content to a few friends, and they say it's good. I think it is, but it's impossible for me to gauge. It's part of me; I can't objectively judge it.

The first person to read the prose was Elise, my friend who joined me at the concert a little later. She began to tell me about some of the creative nonfiction stuff they'd read in her creative writing class. I stopped her midsentence - "Creative what?" There was a genre out there that was creative AND nonfiction?!

Enter second catalyst.

Fiction writing's never been my cup of tea, but there are few things I love more in this world than telling a good story. Granted, it takes more time and effort, so I don't do it nearly as often as I'd like, but I've penned some compelling tales on here before. It's fun. Kinda sorta makes me giddy. So creative nonfiction sounds like HEAVEN.

And somehow that leads me to yesterday, when I went to the JFSB in pursuit of remnants of my former glory - the American Studies Student of the Year Award perpetual plaque on which my name should be first (but I've still never seen it - sigh!) - and somehow found myself sitting down in the office of the English graduate studies secretary, discussing BYU's English MFA. If it's even a possibility, it's a long way off, but looking into it is thrilling. Practical? Not in the least. But if I'm without any obligation of the familial or financial variety a little ways down the road, then what's to stop me? It's not a this-year thing or next-year thing - I've got a stable job I enjoy, and that's not something I take lightly - but maybe someday. But that doesn't mean I can't try taking a creative nonfiction class (and maybe some of the prerequisites for the MFA) at the Y as a non-degree-seeking student. It'll improve my marketing writing, after all. (Ah, yes. The Pragmatist's still alive as ever.)

And in the meantime, I'm going to start writing. And that means taking a possible hiatus from blogging here, so I hope you've all enjoyed the flurry of posts of late. :) There are still a few posts in draft form that I want to wrap up, and I'm sure I can't stay away from here too long, but if I'm quiet for a while, that's why. Down the road I'm sure I'll share my New Project with y'all, but... not yet. Any and all insights and writing advice sure are welcome, though!

Ways NOT to Break Big News

While I adore technology and its plethora of communicative channels, they should not be used to tell big news. Don't leave a voicemail that someone died, for instance, or email your child to announce that you have/had cancer.

Seriously.

Common sense? Are you still out there? Sometimes I wonder...

Next Year's BIG TRIP Destination?

Forget Israel or Europe. After watching this, I think I'm heading to Peru! And not the one in Nebraska, either.

No, really. One of my friends leads expeditions to Peru, among other places, through Eagle Condor. He and his wife, who's been one of my dearest friends since college, lived in Peru last summer, and I loved hearing all about the work they were doing. After visiting with them last night, I'm thinking this may be the perfect adventure for next year - five days of service, three days of tourism, including Machu Picchu (and two days for travel). If anyone feels like trekking to Peru as well, let me know!

Meanwhile, can I just tell you how happy that video makes me?! It's 15 minutes but totally worth the view. Isn't it amazing how we really are just one big human family? People can come from varied circumstances on the global scale and yet still find common ground. That's one of the most intriguing things to me about travel - and I haven't even left the continent yet! But I've read others' narratives of their experiences, and I've been around the U.S. enough to find that to be true. Heck, I experienced that right here in Salt Lake City with our company's conference in February! Customers came in from around the country - plus a few from around the globe - and it was just delightful to put faces with names, to chat with customers and feel of their awesomeness as human beings.

There are billions and billions of people on this planet, and each is a child of God with unique talents, abilities, needs, experiences. Sometimes that is just so mind-blowing to me! The world is HUGE - and yet, at the end of the day, we're all brothers and sisters, sharing this mortal sojourn, sharing that basic need for love, understanding, and security. Putting it in that perspective makes me want to open my heart to each individual - less judging, more loving. How much better would the world be if we could just see each other through those eyes?

Whirlwind

In the last month, I have:

- Completed the passport application process (and, seeing as that check's been cashed, I should be a proud American passport holder shortly!)

- Seen some awesome local bands, including my fav, Fictionist, and my friend Jed's band, Westerlies



- Shopped 'til I dropped in Park City with my bestie and her cute kiddos

- Hosted a Bollywood movie night, tag-teamed with Christina, for some fabulous friends ("Are you, like, checking me out?")


- Headed home for a much-needed, most-lovely Orange County weekend, complete with sunshine and beach time...



fine theater...

friends...



and family...



- Registered for classes for the first time in seven years (thereby realizing I really AM going to grad school!)

- Auditioned for a play, including callbacks, and started rehearsals


- Enjoyed an amazing Passover Seder at BYU, conducted by the renowned Victor Ludlow - such a choice experience!


- Sewed some baby quilts for Primary Children's, thanks to my friend Caron (pictures to be added soon...)

- Listened to the MoTab live on Easter Sunday (and sang in church with my dear friend Traci a few hours later)


- Assisted the Easter Bunny in his annual duties


- Bought one car and sold the other


- Hosted a Scentsy party/fundraiser


- Reveled in the Royal Wedding, complete with tea and scones at 3 a.m.


- Helped throw a 7-year-old birthday for one bestie's daughter while babysitting our other bestie's four little girls (including twin babies!)


- Reunited with dear OC friends in Utah over homemade pizza and lots of laughs

- Worked on two months of freelance projects beyond my day job, not to mention a few Latter-day Shalom posts

- Donned the obligatory Cinco de Mayo sombrero


...and

- Enjoyed a brilliant Legit Lit meeting last night.

(And this doesn't even include tonight's Fictionist concert or my other weekend plans!)

Just blogging that makes me tired. Whew!

Needless to say, it's probably been one of the most hectic months of my life! Immensely fun... but wow. I keep having busy times like this with some expectation that it'll slow down eventually... and it never does. Remember how I was so swamped during Jan/Feb? So as soon as March rolled around, did I take a break? Nope! I jumped right into reviving my social life with both feet - and have no regrets about it, either.

That said... I wonder sometimes if that whole relaxing and lazing about thing just might be a good idea for a change. Too bad I'll never have time to find out!

Go, Go, Go, Joseph!

Ohhhhhhh man. This is going to be a FUN summer.

Last night was our first rehearsal for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, brought to you by the Lehi Arts Council. We sang through the entire show to the Donny Osmond / London cast recording - I had forgotten just how fun this show is!!! We were laughing so hard, catching some of the lyrics that you just don't pick up normally (like how the chorus sings "banana - banana - banana - banana" throughout the calypso-style song in the background!). Everyone in the cast seems like a ton of fun, including the few folks I knew already from Singin' in the Rain (i.e. Kris, who was "Cosmo Brown," is playing "Pharaoh"!). I've already made fast friends with one of the gals I met at auditions. Plus there's some serious talent in this bunch!!! It's going to be a fabulous show. I know this'll make my already-packed life even busier, but it soooooo will be worth the sacrifice.

Mark your calendars, friends! The play runs from Friday, July 22, to Saturday, July 30 (every night except Sunday) at Lehi High School (right by the Roller Mills). Yes, we're going to be in an actual theater this time around. :) Hope you can make it!

Love and Logic

My roommate/bestie Christina and I have a total yin-yang dynamic. While we do have plenty in common, we're also on opposite ends of several spectra - which can make for some pretty hilarious conversations.

Like so.

Last night we were perusing my prospects on eHarmony. Okay, okay, hold back on your gagging! I know! But no stone left unturned, right? Can't hurt to at least give it an open-minded chance.

In theory.

In practice... it's super-annoying to me. Seriously. Just because I said I value a healthy lifestyle does not mean I want to date a bodybuilder. I mean, one of my matches had a bicep shot. Gag me. I may or may not have thrown up in my mouth. But according to the rules of Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving, I am committed to getting out there, regardless of whether I'm actually interested in someone or have any interest in these yokels.

But I digress.

So we were going through my matches as I catalogued what did or didn't interest me. (Okay, mostly didn't. *sigh*)

And Christina proceeded to poke holes in my thought process**:

CJ: "... and he's a professional copywriter. Can't have that."
CD: "What do you mean?! How does that not work?"
CJ: "Well... I just can't be with another writer. I mean, how boring would that be?! I want someone who'll balance out my right-brainness."
CD: "But you also want someone who's into art and music, right?"
CJ: "Well... yeah. But... Ummmm..."
CD: "You do realize that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, right?"
** Not an actual transcript... but pretty danged close.

Yeah. You get the picture.

Well, I fully reserve the right to be illogical in matters of the heart. After all, at the end of the day, a checklist is no indication of compatibility. Definitely had past experience proving otherwise. So for now, I'll march ahead with all kinds of theories and eagerly wait for them to be disproved. At least I am fully cognizant of my silly prejudices and what does/doesn't actually matter. Including scrapping the 6-foot limit. And eating lots of crow on that one. Grumble, grumble. But I'm still ruling out anyone under 5'7. That's just plain logistics.

After all, I really have no clue what I'm doing - and I'll wager most of you marrieds out there didn't either. So there. :P

PS: Good glory, I have mentioned dating in many a post of late, haven't I? Sheesh. I'll pluck the stars from my eyes and get back to my former random topics that involve things that actually matter. Like Paul Anka. Fighting Jane Austen heroines. And the occasional post that holds deeper meaning. Sorry. I'm blaming the girliness on Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving. And spring. Always spring.

Spring Cleaning

Well, in addition to the usual spring cleaning mentioned in my last post, I've done some spring cleaning in the blogosphere lately. My Google Reader got revamped in between sessions of General Conference in April, and today I went through and updated the links in my sidebar to match.

Funny, isn't it, how these blog lists show where my connections lie?

The overwhelming majority come from my days at BYU and in Orange County. That Utah list may be fledgling - and, to be fair, many of the La Crescenta, BYU and Orange County folks bleed into the Utah category, technically - but here's hoping it will grow and thrive. After all, I was at BYU and in Orange County for 4-5 years each. It'll take time to get this Utah life ramped up to the fullest.

And on a totally unrelated note, aren't these blossoms the loveliest?! Hooray for spring! I sure hope it sticks this time around...

Christa 2.0

I love change.

Change can be a struggle for many, but to me, it is so energizing! The world is too full of amazing sights and sounds, places and people and experiences to stagnate or to stay in a status quo.

Well, the last couple of years have been nothing but change. It's almost dizzying, really, to reflect and see that my life now shares precious little with my life two years ago - and yet it's dynamic and interesting and fabulous. The last couple of months in particular, though - basically post-GRE madness - have been phenomenal in the renewing sense. I felt the urgency to basically spring clean my life (including going all What Not to Wear on my closet), and between that and having the means and necessity to replace items that had worn out, I've purchased a new computer, new iPhone, new car, new wardrobe, new wallet (isn't it adorable?!).

No, I'm not becoming materialistic - it's just been nice to be able to take care of updating and replacing those things whose season had past.

And now I feel like I'm entering this new season of my life as well. Today is a lovely - albeit brisk - spring day, and I feel like the renewal of spring has finally hit my life in full force. There are so many opportunities ahead! I've met some awesome people in the last few months, and I'm really excited to further those friendships and see where those roads lead. This weekend my dear roommate Amy moved out, and a sweet new roommate, Anne, took her place. I'm so thrilled to get to know her better and to be a friend to her.

For those of you LDS folks, I don't know if you've heard, but the YSA wards were completely redone in the Salt Lake valley - 12 new YSA stakes with 10 wards each. My new ward was created at stake conference yesterday, and we've received strong new direction in the work of serving and reaching out to peers in need. It reminds me of the search-and-rescue effort we did leading up to the YSA Conference in California during summer 2009, only it's a permanent effort, and I am thrilled to see how the work plays out.

Tomorrow I start rehearsals for the Lehi City Arts production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. How excited am I to get involved with this fun play and to make friends in the cast?! I wasn't fully engaged in Singin' in the Rain and really regretted not optimizing the experience, so it'll be great to do this one right. I've already met some really fun gals at callbacks who made the cast, and... well... let's hope there are some single sons among the tribes of Israel, too, right? ;)

And so, yes, here I sit, anticipating the awesomeness this next season of my life holds. Really, anything is possible - and that is such a freeing, exciting feeling. It's been nice to ramp up and recharge for the last couple of months, resuscitating my flatlined social life, taking care of longtime needs, slashing things off my to-do list left and right (including filing paperwork for a passport and CFP! Yippee!). The duckies are in a row, the groundwork is laid, and I am ready to soar into the best summer yet!

Persuasion

All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one; you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone.

For years I've placed Persuasion at the top of my favorite Jane Austen books - and tonight I got a reminder of why. Thanks to my lovely roommate's recent obsession with BBC adaptations of British classics, I Netflix'ed the 2007 adaptation of Persuasion (I'm a longtime fan of the 1995 film) after hearing her mention it time and time again.

We watched it tonight, and... wow. Just... wow. What a masterful telling of this powerful love story! It tugs mercilessly at the heartstrings. And it doesn't hurt that the Frederick in this version is absurdly and ridiculously handsome.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Just in case you aren't familiar with the tale, I didn't want to ruin it - but, seriously, you have to appreciate the best love letter ever written:

"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in

F. W.

"I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never."

GAH!!! Such intense romance seems more the thing of fiction than real life, but still... it almost makes me wish I had some long-ago lost love who would resurface and sweep me off my feet. Except all my former flames are married to women far more perfect for them than I would've been (and I've been dating the wrong type all these years anyways - wish I'd figured that out a decade ago!).

But, still. *sigh!* I want a Captain Wentworth of my own. Once a hopeless romantic, always a hopeless romantic...