Defining Moments

Earlier today, I read this article about how a simple choice to head down a floor made the difference between being a victim or survivor to the World Trade Center tragedy. A quote in the piece is particularly chilling:

"Seemingly insignificant decisions a person made that day determined whether they lived or died. It's still something that's a bit hard to fully come to terms with."

This made me think of my own life. What split-second decisions have made a huge, life-shifting impact? Certainly nothing's been life or death, but there have been majorly disruptive moments, and it's funny to see the ripple effect these words and actions can have. Misjudging the distance between my moving van and the carport by a matter of inches cost me $300+ to repair, for instance - and the damage hit in a second. Boggles the mind.

Back in the spring, the wonderful guy I was dating felt the need to take a step back. His reasons were legitimate and, really, had little/nothing to do with me - but, being inexperienced and insecure, I let my tongue get away from me. In one sentence, I swiftly destroyed the immense potential that was there. In the moment, I didn't realize how huge a deal it was. It wasn't until I saw friends' reactions when I told them what had happened to the relationship - "You... actually said that to him?!" - that the reality of my mistake sunk in. It's haunted me daily ever since - this Sondheim piece aptly sums it up (and the plot of the show from which it originates actually examines the whole idea of defining moments, too):



You know what I love, though? My story isn't over yet. It's still in the process of being written. I don't know how it will end, ultimately, and regardless the outcome, things do work out, even if we fumble and misstep in the moment. I've seen so many split-second mistakes ultimately result in happily ever after. Not without tears and heartbreak and time, of course - but, in the end, things work out. They always, always do.

Sometimes the missteps are a matter of life or death. A moment's misjudgment behind the wheel killed a close friend and her father several years ago, drastically affecting many, many lives in an instant. I watched from a close observation point as her fiance and family grieved and dealt with the aftermath - but, eventually, they were able to move on. Her mother is happily remarried; her fiance is happily married to an amazing, dear friend of mine, and they have beautiful babies. Life goes on, and the broken pieces fall into place.

Earlier this year I had the blessing of attending a close friend's wedding, and it hit me during the ceremony that I was there because of a broken toe. Don't believe me?

Well, in 8th grade, while living in Utah with my dad, I broke my toe by tripping over home base and falling while playing kickball in my drama class. (Birkenstocks are not an ideal choice of kickball footwear, FYI.) Because of the injury, I left my bike at school - and when we came to pick it up that night, the back tire had been stolen. My dad was not a happy camper, to say the least, and he felt an appropriate punishment for my thoughtlessness was having to miss out on the 8th grade promotion dance. I, in turn, felt this was a gross injustice. After all, it wasn't like I got rid of the tire maliciously. Long story short, a HUGE fight ensued that ended with 13-year-old me shouting "Fine, I want to go live with Mom!" My dad handed me the phone with a warning that if I called her, that was that: one-way ticket back to California, end of story. My mother was one to make threats she didn't back up, and my father wanted to teach me that words carry weight. (Apparently I still need to learn that lesson... but... yeah.)

Although that choice had heart-wrenching consequences, it also led me to the women who are among my closest friends in the world today. Those friendships sustained me through high school, college, and into the present - particularly with those who live in Utah along with me, including the aforementioned bride. And, really, I wouldn't trade the strength or wisdom acquired through the hardship at home for the world. That experience has made me who I am today.

The "what if" moments in life may be haunting - they certainly give gravity to every moment in life - and at the same time, they're not the be-all and end-all. They act as the imperfect cracks that let God's grace shine through. He can bring light and joy into the messes we cause. Sometimes, as the song notes, there really is "hell to pay," but that price can be worth the wisdom and humility earned. We just have to maintain the perspective that, as Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, "The cavity which suffering carves into our souls will one day also be the receptacle of joy." Oh, how sweet that joy will be when we embrace it and let go of the struggle faced in the split-second missteps.

Draper Debrief

I know, I know... when you hear "Draper," you think this - am I right?

When I think Draper, however, I think this:

Tonight is the last night I will for sure be sleeping in my darling lil' room on Hawthorne Hill Lane, and the reality that I will, in fact, be moving in less than 48 hours is setting in. It feels so surreal! Considering how thrilled I've been about the move, I didn't at all anticipate getting sentimental.

But it's me. Duh. Of COURSE I'm going to get all nostalgic and schmaltzy about it, because, hey, that's how I roll.

And so, without further adieu, here's a roundup of favorite Draper moments and things that I will most assuredly miss:

•  Panoramic views of the Salt Lake Valley, especially at night, when the valley - and its many temples - twinkled.
• Living so, so close to the Draper Temple - and enjoying how it came to feel like home. This is the temple in which I did so much work for my own family, and that alone will make it special in my heart forever.

• Being roommates with Christina, my best friend and No. 1 partner-in-crime for the better part of the last eight years. Late-night chats, planning our Christmas parties as only two communications professionals could (think objectives, strategies, branding, identity - yup. We're geeks.), discussing careers, politics, dating, and just about anything and everything under the sun. She's been a wonderful sounding board, especially because we're so different, she's able to open my eyes to points I wouldn't have seen otherwise. I'll miss her no-nonsense counsel and wise perspective, not to mention her just-plain-awesomeness. Oh, and her cookies. Have I mentioned her cookies? Yup. Total selling point.

• My ward, shockingly enough, and my stake. I didn't really connect with it too deeply, but that said, I really do like the people there. I may not have made a lot of lasting friendships from it, but I did get to meet some pretty awesome people, and I looked forward to seeing people each week with whom I may not cross paths again down the road. 
• Cooking in my kitchen! It is, hands down, the most spacious kitchen I've ever had, and it was in this kitchen that I went from being a good cook to becoming a true gourmand, stretching both my repertoire and technique. That space is so chock full of fun moments, from figuring out how to poach an egg or roll a stuffed pork tenderloin to doing A/B testing on everything from mini-French silk pies to oatmeal cookies, to making batch after batch of cookies for people I love. 
• Seeing the friends I did make on a weekly basis. A few people in that ward truly changed my life and touched my heart, reaching out to me in my hardest moments this year. To them, I will be forever grateful, and while I know we will stay in touch, I'll miss seeing their smiling faces so conveniently and frequently.

• Being a hop, skip, and jump away from downtown Salt Lake City, a place I dearly, dearly love.
• Meandering through the old neighborhoods to admire the gorgeous historic homes and appreciating the lovely architecture as well as the lives of the people who built them forever ago
• Gazing at the stars from Suncrest, pondering the beauty of the heavens.
• Calling my darling yellow townhouse home. It's been a good place, and I will forever cherish the memories associated with it - including the difficult ones, for they brought about so much growth and wisdom that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Thanks for the memories, Draper. Oh, well, it was swell while it lasted...

Moving Musings

Welp, friends, I'm solidly midway through Project: Create a Home. Saturday was spent painting until 1:30 a.m., and today's lunchtime was spent at Kwal Paints, getting the final colors that will go up tonight and Wednesday. (And as for what all the colors will be... you'll see in a big reveal. I'm part thrilled, part terrified that I'll hate it. At least walls can be repainted, right?)

This move is different from any I've had before, because, as previously mentioned, the space will be all MY OWN. The total independence is thrilling, but it's also daunting. No one else's opinion materially matters! Kinda crazy - more on that later. As for the move, I am definitely ready for it to be DONE. Looking forward to yet another vacay come Labor Day weekend.

Here are some random things I've realized while working on what is my fourth move in three years - and hopefully my final move until I either get married or purchase my old-maid pad (doesn't have nearly the same ring as "bachelor pad," does it?):

• My books are like my children. Seriously. Packing them last night, I wanted to hug each and every one. I adore books. Blame it on a childhood spending more time with The Baby-Sitters Club than my own peers, but I have a serious addiction/obsession with books, and that'll probably never go away. So that second bedroom'll be the craft room / office / library.
• It's astounding how many things I didn't know that I should know. Case in point: if your gas is shut off, there's a whole thing about switching some yellow tag and turning the appliances on. It was like the Questar woman was jabbering at me in a foreign language. Haven't a clue what that's all about - but apparently I need to learn if I'm to have hot water and a working stove. Amazing how much I keep having moments like this. It's like I'm finally moving into "real" adulthood.
  
• Colors are tricky. I grew up in the land of white walls, so... all this color stuff is new to me. I'm loving it, but... it's baffling. Like, what do you mean a blue can be warm? Choosing paint colors was the most stressful choice I've had to make in a while. (And yes, how blessed am I that paint color is my biggest concern? At least I can do something about it, unlike basically every other stressor on my plate these days...)
• Learn why something's awesome before using it. I spent a little more and bought Frog Tape instead of blue painter's tape because the employee at Home Depot recommended it. However, she failed to tell me that it's so great because, when wet, the tape's adhesive turns into a gel that fills in all the cracks, completely sealing your wall. (See the video here.) I found that out at the paint store today, after painting two entire rooms! It's my bad for not doing a little more research, and it may have worked its magic anyway - but still. Good reminder.
  
• A coat of paint can work wonders. In my office, one wall has built-in shelving, but the paint on it was poorly done and flaking. So, at the urging of my painting helpers, I freshened them up with a coat of white paint that was already in the hall closet (for touching up the trim). Doesn't it look amazing now?!

(Pardon the low-quality pics) I still need to do the actual shelves, but it's a start.

• Men really do see fewer colors than women. At least that's what the guy at the paint store told me. I thought that was just a joke, but apparently it's true. I mean, it can be learned - as evidenced by a bunch of male graphic designers with whom I work who've been my color consultants - but still. Thought that was interesting.

•  Life is sweeter when it's shared. As much as I enjoy my independence, this experience has made me keenly and painfully aware yet again of how awesome marriage would be when it's done well. It's overwhelming to do this alone! And not only that, but the whole experience would be so much more fun with someone else, making decisions together, delighting in the successes, laughing about the failures. So, on the bright side, it's reaffirmed how much I really do need to dive back into the dating scene post-move. I've avoided opening up to dating since the serious disappointment that came with Mr. 24-29 in the spring (BOY, that sucked! And now I get to see him weekly... not sure yet if that's good or bad), but you can't enjoy the good without risking the bad. I think I'm about ready to risk again. Wary as I am of getting burned again, the payoff will be worth it in the end - for the right person, at least. And you have to kiss some frogs along the path to Prince Charming, right?

Home Sweet Home

"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned."
-- Maya Angelou 

The concept of home has been a tough one for me. It's been decades since I felt at home with family. Even before then, home was never a haven of security and love. At 17, I dove happily into a steady stream of roommate situations; as of today, I've shared 11 addresses with 40 gals in 12 years. Oh, and there are a few brief stints with relatives scattered in there, too. While the majority of those situations were happy - and even when not happy per se, they certainly weren't awful - in no situation was the space truly my own.

In a mere 11 days, that's all going to change.

As of August 25th, I will be a resident of Orem, Utah, renting a lovely two-bedroom condo a mere five minutes away from my office. To say I'm thrilled would be an understatement!!! Creating a beautiful home for myself has been the best thing possible after the heartache and struggle of the last year. I am beyond ready to have that tangible renewal and clean slate. New address, new ward, new memories, new possibilities...

...and new stuff. I don't own a single piece of living room furniture!!! It's been a ridiculously fun project to design my living space from scratch. Last night I bought my lovely couch:

and today I'll head to the condo at lunch to measure rooms. It's going to be a crazy couple of weeks, painting and packing and moving. My dear friend Lynsie, who is a wonderful interior designer, is coming over Saturday to help me with furniture placement, paint color, etc. I'd share a picture of what the place looks like now... but the paint color is awful, and a photo of the empty space won't do it justice. It'll need my TLC in the next few weeks to get it spiffed up for the move, but it's worth it. My landlord is awesome, and he's letting me do basically whatever I want with the space. I've never been so excited to deep-clean and paint in my life!!!

As for furnishings, I'm going to take my time and make it a long-range project, collecting piece by piece. I'm planning to do a lot of garage sale-ing and estate shopping, finding classic pieces with potential that I can upcycle and refresh into something fabulous. (Hooray for Pinterest and my soon-to-be craft room, right?)

I'll have to do a post after things are done, but for now, here's a sneak peek at some of the elements that will go into my new home sweet home:

The color palette, drawn from my favorite dress of the season (thank you, Banana Republic!)

The poster a local artist put together for me (thank you, Etsy!) - I've always wanted to hang this verse in my home.

And, last but not least...

The vintage typewriter from eBay that's my favorite purchase of the year! (I know it photographs blue, but the actual color is more green, like this shade.)

As for the rest... you'll just have to wait and see!