45 Life Lessons from a 90 Year Old

My friend Jessi posted this on Facebook, and it was too great not to pass along. Enjoy!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short – enjoy it.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Don't buy stuff you don't need.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for things that matter.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye... But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive but don’t forget.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Love of My {Professional} Life

It is a wonderful feeling to realize just how in love you are with the one to whom you're married.

Or, in my case, the one by whom I am employed. 

This week is Founders Week here at my company, which is a weeklong celebration of our company's history, culture, values, and all those special things that make us who we are. Between that and working on some company-centric projects (including our new-and-improving careers page, in which I've tried to put our unique culture into words and write a top-10 list of why someone would want to join our team), I've been filled with absolute adoration for my job all over again. What a huge blessing it is! I get to spend my workweek with hundreds of amazing, talented, fun people, and I love expending my energy for a company that truly values its employees. From past experience, I know just how rare and quality that is.

I've said it before, but there really are a plethora of parallels between dating and career. Maybe I see them so much because that's where I place probably 90% of my energy and focus, but the list goes on and on -- interviewing for a job is like a first date, some jobs end because of dealbreakers (like all of my jobs in California -- they all had draws that led me to get involved, but each had major drawbacks that I couldn't handle long term), and it gets easy to look back longingly at the good times of the past while glossing over the frustrations (or vice versa, in the case of one straight-up abusive job that still makes me shudder to this day!).

But a marriage? Well, I don't have first-hand experience with that one in the relationship sense... but I do love finally having found my match in my career. It's funny -- at first glance, I wouldn't have expected my company to be such a perfect fit. I mean, a property insurance software company? In Utah Valley, of all places? Truth be told, I applied as a back up, just in case I didn't get the glamorous social media PR job in Salt Lake that I truly wanted. Of course, as time has gone passed, I've been SO glad I didn't get that PR job -- agency life is a grind, and I really prefer working in a collaborative, in-house environment. And how often do I hear that advice in dating?! "Say yes to dates even if you aren't sure you'll be a match because you never know what you'll find upon getting to know someone better." "I never would've thought my husband would be The One until we started dating -- he wasn't at all what I imagined I'd want, but he's everything I need." "Don't worry if it doesn't work out -- you'll end up with the right one eventually." (Reminds me of the time I was thrilled to finally have plans with a crush -- only to go on a blind date the weekend before, get totally smitten, and end up going from the crush's house to a second date with Mr. Weekend. The crush is a great guy, but he's not the perfect fit like the date was - and I don't know that I would've picked the date out of a lineup as a great match if we'd just met in a social setting instead of being set up.)

But I digress.

Careers are so much like long-term relationships, too, in that you really have to work for them. I mean, duh, you'll work at work -- but I'm talking more about honoring the commitment you've made. Life is not all rainbows and sunshine. There are tradeoffs and deficiencies at any job, just like how you'll inevitably marry someone imperfect because no one is perfect. But how wonderful it is to be able to work through those slumps and frustrations, to watch things improve (which can only happen when there's longevity to create perspective), and to develop a bond of trust that comes with patient perseverance. There are so many more lessons to be learned in working through the ups and downs than there are by hopping around, and the payoff is so rich. It's rewarding to feel security, to know that your efforts are appreciated, to have reciprocity. It fosters an environment in which you can really let your guard down and give your all instead of worrying about layoffs, backstabbers, condescending bosses, and a number of things I've dealt with at other jobs. Here I feel safe. My coworkers are my friends; I enjoy spending time with them on and off the clock. Some of them are among my closest friends and confidantes these days. I love our campus here so much that I didn't leave until dark last night -- after a mediocre date, I opted to lay out on our lawn and read a book in the beauty of twilight instead of driving home. It feels like home.

I enjoy my job thoroughly and love coming to work -- and that joy and security permeate the rest of my life. I am constantly amazed and humbled by how many doors have opened in my life, thanks to this job, and how many ways it's made me a better person. (And the same can be said for my career overall. Hard to believe I resented it for so many years!!! Even the worst experiences have made for some of the best lessons.) Had you told me three years ago that this is how things would pan out, I wouldn't have believed it -- or at least I wouldn't have believed I'd be as blissfully happy as I am. But here I am, grateful as can be for a wonderful match.

I only hope that someday I can find a guy who's as constant, appreciative, and inspirational as my company is. I can't imagine settling for anything less!

I Can Do Hard Things

Picture snagged from Sweet Coconut Lime

Imagine limping your whole life on a poorly mended broken bone. The break came so early in life that you don't really remember walking differently. You don't notice it that much, really, until you try to leap and run and dance like your peers - but just plain can't. Finally, you hit the point where you refuse to be held back any longer, but the only way to heal it is to endure the painful process of rebreaking it, resetting it, and then working through physical therapy to rebuild strength. The process is arduous, unglamorous, frustrating, and exhausting - but it's that, or limp forever.

I'd rather leap than limp, even if it means being broken in the short term.

Since the fall, I've been working with an EMDR specialist to clear out the pain of my past, which is what I'd referred to in my last post. In so many ways, it's been AMAZING - I've had so many powerful "Aha!" moments that have brought phenomenal insight and empowerment. But at the same time, it's the hardest thing in the world to unleash the most painful moments and emotions that have been under lock and key for a lifetime - and stare them in the face. It is testing my strength in every way imaginable, and balancing all of that with my usual life of work, grad school, freelance, dating, friendships, church responsibilities, etc. has taken its toll. I am just plain burned out.

Apparently, so is my thyroid. Again. For the last decade, I've had Hashimoto's thyroiditis. It really hasn't been a big deal - just pop a pill in the morning, and I'm fine. But (not coincidentally - thank you, body/mind/spirit connection) as I've launched into working through things, the symptoms have crept back. I started noticing little random things, like the layers of my fingernails splitting and breaking, my hands being freezing cold (which I never noticed until the guy holding them commented on it repeatedly - cold hands, warm heart?), muscles in my legs and feet cramping up out of nowhere. But it wasn't until last week, when walking a 5K left me wiped out in bed all day, that I realized something was really wrong. And then everything added up.

Here's hoping the thyroid's the culprit, because it's easier to deal with a known evil than an unknown one. I've had it managed for 10 years, so I'm sure I can get it back to normal. Even so, it's scary and frustrating to physically not be able to do what I'd like. I just plain don't have the energy, and when it's gone, it's gone. For someone who's M.O. is to go, go, go, it's killer.

For the last several months, in the midst of all of this, I've pondered the idea of glorying in tribulations. I've spent a lot of scripture study looking at verses about trials, tribulations, and the blessings that follow those who faithfully endure. To say I feel overwhelmed is an understatement, but the thought that keeps coming back to me over and over again is  "I can do hard things" - and, most importantly, I don't have to do them alone. In the strength of the Lord, through the enabling power of Christ's grace, I can do that which I could not do otherwise. Only He knows fully what's going on; only He fully understands anyway. His love is unconditional, and He knows my capacity better than I do. In my most heartbroken moment, all I could think was "Wow, God must trust me more than I trust myself to get through this!" The only way I can get through what lies ahead is to lean on the strength of the Lord and to trust in His infinite wisdom and strength.

Time and time again, I've come back to the Lord's promise in Ether 12:27:

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. 

I'm experiencing the reality of this verse in powerful ways. There's something amazing about being okay with weakness when it's a stepping stone to strength.  I've never felt more humbled to the core as my barriers and walls have come tumbling down, and I've never been more keenly and painfully aware of my weaknesses and failings - and yet, I've never felt more empowered, really tapping into the strength of the Lord. This journey is one in which I can't reach out to any person in my life - it's too personal and hard to explain. But I can turn to the Lord with this broken heart and contrite spirit, and I trust in His power to make these weaknesses into strengths.

It's going to be an interesting summer, to say the least. At this point, I feel like making it to 30 with my mind, heart, and body in tact will be an accomplishment in and of itself!!! But without a doubt, I know that I'll come through this a better, stronger, wiser woman, more fit to be the wife and mother I dream of becoming someday (hopefully soon). Pretty much can't think of a better gift to myself and my posterity than that!

Confession

So... friends. I've been waffling whether to post this, but I keep feeling nudged to say it, so I will.

You know how I usually put my most courageous/inspiring foot forward (or at least try to)? Well... I'm going to let my guard down for a second. For the next few months (at least), I will be taking the hardest and scariest journey in my life so far - and yet, it is absolutely and undoubtedly the best thing for me in the long run. And I'll get into it in another post when I'm feeling braver. I've only scratched the surface and am feeling totally overwhelmed and inadequate to meet this task ahead - and it's one I know I need to do alone, which makes things all the worse. I really don't know how I'm going to do this.

So, please, keep me in your prayers. I will need them. And thank you for all of the loving feedback and compliments you've given me in the last several months. I have appreciated them more than you can even imagine. In spite of how alone I may feel right now, I know I have a phenomenal support system thanks to friends like you, and just knowing that there are people on whom I could (and very well may) lean makes all the difference in the world.