Gearing Up for Grandeur

How would you change your day-to-day life if everything you've dreamed of is just around the corner?

This is a thought that I've been chewing on a lot lately. After the blood, sweat, and tears of the last two years, including the aforementioned "physical therapy" phase, I'm finally able to breathe again and to enjoy the sweetness and magnificence that is my life—and with newly gained compassion, patience, insight, and wisdom.

And wonderfully sweet, exciting adventures lie so close in store, I can brush them with my fingertips!

But I've also had a jarring, eye-opening realization in the last week: what does it MEAN if these long-awaited blessings are just around the corner? Am I ready?

In my heart of hearts, I know that my life's on the brink of major, major changes once more. Remember how I felt this... and then this happened? (And events unfolded to make my life infinitely better than anything I could've imagined or realized?) I've gone through enough rounds of this to recognize the pattern.

Which means it's time to work with a laser-like focus on making weak things become strong.

Last week I read this Psychology Today article that examined why/how "bright girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or complex, were quick to give up—and the higher the girls' IQ, the more likely they were to throw in the towel. In fact, the straight-A girls showed the most helpless responses... [because] more often than not, bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice."

Sigh.

This article hit me profoundly because that is the story of my life! I've always been very, very bright—and, ultimately, it's been detrimental. I have limited myself SO much by not pushing past the limits of my comfort zone and only playing to my strengths. If something doesn't come naturally to me, I just avoid it or brush it off: "I'm just terrible at sports." "I can't do math to save my life."

My eyes are so painfully opened and aware of my weaknesses that I've ignored for this very reason. There are certain things that I've just given into, more or less—knowing I could do better but settling for this complacent mediocrity because, to some degree, I guess I don't believe I can do it. Sad, sad, sad.

Thankfully, the article goes on to discuss what is my new goal: "No matter the ability—whether it's intelligence, creativity, self-control, charm, or athleticism—studies show them to be profoundly malleable. When it comes to mastering any skill, your experience, effort, and persistence matter a lot. So if you were a Bright Girl, it's time to toss out your (mistaken) belief about how ability works, embrace the fact that you can always improve, and reclaim the confidence to tackle any challenge that you lost so long ago."

Examples abound of friends who have persevered over major obstacles to achieve great things, or who push past their disdain of the work to enjoy the result that work inevitably brings, whether it be running or school work or health issues.

If they can do it, I can too.
Right? In theory?

So, here's to sucking it up, buckling down, and working on becoming amazing. Or, as Sara Bareilles puts it, being BRAVE.

Happy People Are Successful People

This TEDxBloomington talk is completely and totally FASCINATING. Take the 12+ minutes to listen to it:


Did you know it's a proven fact that your brain is 31% more productive when it's happy?

And it's something you can learn. If you can learn to be positive in the present, then you're able to work even better. As your brain floods with dopamine, things fire better, and voila! Success.

So, here are five action items that, if done for a few minutes every day, will lead to a happier, more productive, more successful you:

• Practice gratitude--specifically, find three new things for which you are grateful
• Write in a journal
• Exercise
• Spend time meditating
• Perform random acts of kindness

I haven't quite mastered all of these, but I do know that as I've incorporated more of these into my daily life recently, the effect is amazing! I truly am so radiantly happy and feel like I can conquer the world when I choose to view things through a positive lens. It's not always easy. Today I got the rug pulled out from under me, so to speak, with the unanticipated consequence to what I thought was a good decision, and it's definitely crushing. But... I still trust in the well-pondered decision, regardless the outcome, and while I could--and, admittedly, have--stressed and second-guessed because of the unexpected results, I'm trying to instead focus on the learning process gained by the experience and to trust that good things will play out in the long run. 

How happy we are really, truly, completely is our own choice. It's a matter of the lens we choose to view life through, and a happy, positive one always leads to a better outcome!

Weakness in Strength

You know the old adage, "When I am weak, then am I strong"?

Well... I've learned this week that the opposite is true:

When I think I'm so strong I don't need others... then am I weak.

In general, I don't rank pride atop my list of struggles or weaknesses. I think I'm a fairly humble, meek, teachable person...

... until I need help. It doesn't matter what the help is, really, either. Help with painting my condo or moving or even hosting a party. Someone to take care of me when I'm so rundown and exhausted, I accidentally starve myself for a week and go into diabetic shock. (Yep, that happened.) A hug and shoulder on which to cry while mourning my grandmother's death. Asking for the help I need is almost impossible. Somehow I think I should be able to do everything on my own, and if not, I'm failing.

That, my friends, is its own form of pride. And the last year - especially the last week - has compelled me to humility on that front.

I just like to tread lightly, I tell myself. Other people are busy enough. I don't want to make demands on their time and emotions. We're not close enough of friends that I can crumble in front of them. No one likes an emotional mess, right?

And, worst of all, I don't know how to be anything but strong. Even when I'm not, and when being strong is the last thing in the world I want to be.

So I'll admit it. Losing my grandmother is absolutely devastating. And while I genuinely felt so much support and comfort that first day, I also was at a total loss of how to react, and almost a week later, I'm still totally lost. There's no instruction manual for losing your sole earthly source of unconditional strength and support. I've been emotionally self-sufficient since the bottom fell out on my family when I was 13 and didn't have anyone to lean on - except for my grandmothers. Over the years I've built a phenomenal support system of friends, but my grandmothers had been there my whole life, and I felt like I could claim and expect their support. When Gram died a decade ago, I just rolled that closeness and emotional connection over to Grandma Doris. Without her, I feel so lost. Who do I have now? Add to that an additional 10 years with Grandma Doris in which we made that transition to an adult friendship filled with so many fun moments and important common bonds like temple attendance, and... wow. I still can't quite let myself "go there" and feel the shock because I worry I won't be able to pull out of the grief, especially with the full plate in front of me from now until after the funeral. And there's no one who I feel like I can ask to hold my hand through that journey, either, even as I'm getting more offers for help than I know what to do with. My family is soooooo "suck it up and deal" that I can't recognize when I need to stop going it alone - a not-so-good trait I inherited from Grandma. It is incredibly difficult for me to let go and let others take care of me, even when that's what I want and need.

I keep thinking about when I climbed Mt. Washburn this summer, something I proudly did alone. A few groups of fellow hikers invited me to join them along the trail, and while I did chat with them briefly, I always changed my pace to get back to doing my own thing. It was something I'd been wanting to conquer for decades, and I just felt like I needed to do it solo. But was I truly without help? Nope. California girl that I am forgot to bring a jacket, and mountains get cold, so Grandma sent me off with her windbreaker. And I'd forgotten my sunglasses at the office before heading to Yellowstone for the weekend, but my friend had forgotten his shades in my car a couple weeks earlier, so it was his sunglasses shielding my eyes. And that was actually a total blessing, because his were far better geared for athletic feats than my cheapy wayfarers. Most importantly, at the summit I discovered that the hikers before and after me all saw bears along the trail. Plural. I didn't see a single one, although I did notice their tracks on my way back down. Later I learned that Mt. Washburn is the one hike in Yellowstone notorious for bears... and I sure didn't have bear spray. But I had a Heavenly Father watching my back, even as I stubbornly tried to climb alone.

Well... lesson learned. Even though she's gone, Grandma is the voice in my head, and her love fills my heart. She can't give me her windbreaker when I forget my own anymore, but I can draw from her love forever. And there will always be friends there to lend their proverbial sunglasses to help me if I'm willing to take them up on it. The sunglasses wouldn't have helped unless I put them on my face, and my friends can't help me unless I let them in and take them up on their offerings of support. And again, most importantly, I have a loving Heavenly Father to protect me from dangers both seen and unseen. He wouldn't leave me without the resources needed to succeed and thrive in life. Here's to the next stage of life's climb: learning to lean on the love in my life and climb with the amazing company that surrounds me.

Through Heaven's Eyes

"If a man lose ev'rything he owns, has he truly lost his worth? Or is it the beginning of a new and brighter birth?"


Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could see our lives through Heaven's eyes? That's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, and when the song from The Prince of Egypt popped up on my iTunes, I felt like I really should share it. I've been filled with introspection lately, both of growth within the past year and in reevaluating conclusions drawn about earlier situations in my life, and it's caused me to appreciate so deeply the path my entire 30 years have taken, heartbreaks especially included. I love looking back and seeing how much God's hand has been in the details of my life, even though I've been at a loss to make sense of what was going on in the moment, whether it was moving back to California for high school (which, at the time, seemed like an absolute death sentence!!!) or the series of events that led me to move back to Utah three years ago, something I'd SWORN I'd never do.

As Marilyn Monroe once wisely said, "Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together." That pretty much sums up the last year of my life. The most vital characteristics and virtues we need in life are shaped only through fiery trials, and while they're awful in the moment, the growth that comes out of it makes all the blood, sweat, and tears worthwhile. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 So, enjoy. I know that while we only see what's ahead of us, God truly is involved in the details of our lives, and we have to TRUST Him with everything in us that things can and will work out when the timing is right. What He has in store for us is so, so, so much greater than anything we could possibly imagine - and living life from a place of abundance rather than scarcity is a simply glorious way to be!

Through Heaven's Eyes

 A single thread in a tapestry
Through its color brightly shine
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design

And the stone that sits on the very top
Of the mountain's mighty face
Does it think it's more important
Than the stones that form the base?

So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life

Look at your life through heaven's eyes
Lai-la-lai...

A lake of gold in the desert sand
Is less than a cool fresh spring
And to one lost sheep, a shepherd boy
Is greater than the richest king
If a man lose ev'rything he owns
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?

So how do you measure the worth of a man
In wealth or strength or size?
In how much he gained or how much he gave?
The answer will come
The answer will come to him who tries
To look at his life through heaven's eyes

And that's why we share all we have with you
Though there's little to be found
When all you've got is nothing
There's a lot to go around

No life can escape being blown about
By the winds of change and chance
And though you never know all the steps
You must learn to join the dance
You must learn to join the dance
Lai-la-lai...

So how do you judge what a man is worth
By what he builds or buys?
You can never see with your eyes on earth
Look through heaven's eyes
Look at your life
Look at your life
Look at your life through heaven's eyes

In Which I Ponder a Ph.D.

"You really should consider comms studies," Dr. Pratte insisted.

All communications majors at BYU were required to take Comms 300: History of Communications, which involved a major research project. For what it was worth, my study of the changing perception of the American family as captured on the cover of TV Guide from the 1950s to the present (2001) caught the soon-to-retire professor's eye. I chalked it up to my being an American Studies major, trained to think outside the box and draw cultural connections. Dr. Pratte saw it as proof of a communications scholar - and from then on, he spent the rest of the semester trying to convince me to follow a research track that would take me into deeper levels of academia. He even had me present my paper at a conference - the only undergrad in the lineup, and a mere sophomore at that.

But there was no practical application for the communications studies emphasis. The only door you had after graduating was more school - and I had noooooo desire to get a master's degree! I just wanted my bachelor's. And my Mrs. Mostly the Mrs., really, but the pragmatist in me was also wise enough to know that whatever I graduated in needed the potential to pay the bills.

The only potential result of comms studies was more bills - so I stuck with print journalism. Which is ironic, really, considering its paltry ability to pay the bills... but that's a discussion for another day. 

Here I sit, a decade later, mulling over that conversation. Maybe Dr. Pratte was onto something. Maybe he saw something in my 19-year-old self that I couldn't see. 

Because now my 29-year-old self, in her first semester of grad school, has a Ph.D.-worthy research project idea that simply won't leave this overextended, already-all-over-the-place brain.

Lately I can't stop thinking about connection - particularly, as one song in the musical Rent puts it, "connection in an isolating age." These days we are more connected than ever before through digital means - and yet, we're more isolated and disconnected from one another. And we, as human beings, are wired for connection. We crave it. We need it to function. And too few of us are getting the quality and quantity needed to nurture our souls.

While the blame could be placed on those electronic means, I argue that the means are amoral tools - they exist not as agents but to be acted upon. They're tools, capable of good and evil. Their morality depends wholly upon their employment - and so, therefore, the burden of responsibility is on the user as well as on the designer of the methods.

I would looooooove nothing more than to delve into the psychology of interpersonal connection, the psychology of the brain's engagement with various electronic platforms, and then look at how those platforms could be altered in a way that fosters true interpersonal connection while mitigating the negative effects inherent in the electronic engagement.

Yes, this is the stuff that keeps me up at night.

But where can I find the time to get into it? And with what application or access? While researching a paper for my Utah State class that's due this week, I ended up downloading well over a dozen journal articles that look at psychology and social media. I want to study and analyze them - but with what time? My plate is so filled to the brim, I basically can only focus on whatever the next burning fire is, whatever deadline's slapping me in the face.

My research will have to wait. I can only juggle so much, and right now my focus is nurturing and building my career. Well, that, and finally attaining my Mrs. - in which case that would become my focus. I don't really see where a Ph.D. fits into the picture. All I can handle for now is slogging through my MS, one class at a time.

But that doesn't mean the idea is going to stop haunting me.

As I've learned (with help from Elizabeth Gilbert's TED presentation), when the Muse strikes, I have little choice but to listen - or to be haunted by knowing that I let a good idea pass by unrealized. That's why I end up blogging not one but two posts in one night when I really need to be writing a paper due the next day - it's like I have to clear those ideas out of the queue in order to move on with my life.

This one, though? There'll be no clearing it out for years, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it presently. But one thing is for certain:

I want a Ph.D.,

which thing I never had supposed.