Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

Nothing summarizes my year of working toward hitting 30 better than these famed words by Charles Dickens:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Sure, he was referring to the French Revolution and grandiose things that changed the world. I'm just talking about 12 months of my life - but, hey, still applies. My 29th year was, in so many ways, completely devastating and heartbreaking - letting go of longtime hopes on the family front, battling the reemergence of longtime health problems, falling hard for someone and then being left puzzled by something lovely unraveled. Oh, and all of those came to a head at the same time. Overwhelming is an understatement! I literally cried every day for about six weeks during the worst of it. Basically everything between December and May is a hazy blur. I feel like I lost a season of my life.

But at the same time, all of that heartbreak came with immense illumination. I could never have become the stronger, more confident, more compassionate, more patient version of myself without wading through those experiences. More on that in #4.

And so, without further adieu, here's a recap of where I stand on each of my "30 by 30" goals:

1. Become a "True Aggie."
   
   
   DONE!!! Thank you, Patrick, darling. Taxes AND True Aggiedom all in one weekend? He's pretty amazing like that. :) We've been friends (and sometimes more) for almost a dozen years now, and I absolutely adore the guy. So glad we managed to make this happen before he moved out of state!
   
   
2. Visit five new states. Sadly, I failed on this one. I did add Georgia to the list, but that was all. Plenty of travels - Southern California, Seattle, Denver, Tetons, Yellowstone - but not much new territory covered.
   
   
3. Go on 30 dates.
   
   
   DONE!!! It was an amazing journey, too. More on that here. I've been on quite a few dates since then, too, and I love it! Dating is such a fun way to expand horizons and get to know people on a different level than in "the friend zone," even if you only go on a date or two with a person. Admittedly, it's taken me a long time to shake off the disappointment (and continuing confusion) of one of the guys, but I'm looking forward to diving into my new life in Orem, getting back out there, and making the most of my last year in the YSA world. (For you non-LDS folks, we get kicked out of singles congregations at 31. The pressure is on!)
   
   
4. Become my authentic self. DONE!!! This was, hands down, the biggest challenge on the list. It meant opening up a Pandora's box and working through the disappointments and heartbreak I've swept under the rug for a lifetime. But I stepped up to the challenge, and it's been the most rewarding - albeit heartbreaking - thing I've ever done. I've done well by myself where this is concerned. Am I perfect? No. But I'm doing my absolute best to be true to myself, and that's enough.
   
   Furthermore, I've learned that letting go, while disappointing, is sometimes all you can do. It's so, so, so vital for sanity's sake to recognize what you can and can't control, and to learn to be comfortable with the unknown. I'm still working on it, but I'm definitely better at it now than I was a year ago. And nothing is forever! Relationships - familial, friends, romantic - evolve and change. Goodness knows I've had enough people cycle in and out of my life at various times. So stepping away from a loved one for now doesn't mean they won't circle back later. The upside is that when they do circle back, it's because they realize your value. Chasing after them will never accomplish that. We all deserve to be loved and cherished by those we love and cherish. Reciprocity is sooooo important in all areas of life. Sometimes we'll give more than we take, but it should balance out in the aggregate.
   
   
5. Attend the temple at least 30 times.  DONE!!! I also started working my way through all the temples in Utah, and I've only got three left there (St. George, Monticello, and Oquirrh Mountain - although I have been to St. George and Oquirrh Mountain before, just not in this go-around).
   
   
6. Learn to ski. DONE!!! Well, attempted, at least. And I hated every minute of my miserable day on the slopes. But, hey, I did give it a try, at least.
   
   
7. Drive Route 66. Boo! Didn't happen. Honestly, I'm glad, because I've needed to have flexibility with my PTO this year. But I should be able to make this happen in the spring. I'm itching to hit the open road for a few weeks and explore!!!
   
   
8. Go on a cruise with my best friends. Nope. But at least Haas and I got to visit Tabitha in Georgia, which was lovely, and I now live 5-10 minutes from Rebecca (we both moved to Orem the same week!). I absolutely love these three women (only two pictured below - we need a more current quartet shot!). They are my foundation, and I am so ridiculously blessed to have them in my life! Hopefully we can get away for girls' weekends annually when their kids get a little older...
   
   
   
   
9. Be debt-free. Working on it - should be by 31.
   
   
10. Sew what? No, my sewing machine just kept gathering dust. But now that I have a craft room and a sewing table, this one should get in motion. After all, I've got a home to decorate now! Planning to make my own curtains and pillows for the living room.
    
    
11. Get at least one really, really good kiss.
    
    
    
    You'd think, right? 30+ dates with 20-something guys, and I should've managed at least ONE?! But I don't kiss quickly or outside the context of a relationship, True Aggie-ness excepted (and we were so down to business about it!). I did have good chemistry with one of the guys, but we didn't get past holding hands (awwwww... presh). So. Let's throw this on the list again.
    
    
12. Hike Mt. Washburn. Health problems sidelined me through much of the last year, and by the time my strength was back, I was too swamped to make time for these hikes. However, I will be accomplishing this one on my upcoming Idaho trip. [UPDATE: DONE!!! As my blistered feet can attest. Totally worth it, though. Veni, vidi, vici, folks. And guess who bought a National Parks pass?! Soooo excited!!!]
    
    
13. Hike the Y. See #12 - planning to go with Stacy soon, to make up for our failed attempt at graduation ages ago.
    
    
14. Hike Timp. See #12. My company goes every fall, so I figured I'd join in there, but it's not happening this year! So I'll have to get some friends to try this before it gets too cold.
    
    
15. Read 30 books. Hmmmm... close, but not quite. According to Goodreads, I read 20 books since last August. I might have missed reporting one or two in there, but still, I didn't quite hit 30. Darn!
    
    
16. Finish the Book of Mormon twice. Halfway there? I finished it once and am working on another go-around.
    
    
17. Get starstruck. Well... I downloaded a star app and did a good amount of stargazing this year, including enjoying the Perseid meteor shower in the middle of the night in the Tetons (one of the most exquisite celestial experiences of my life!). But I didn't study up on this like I'd wanted.
    
    
18. Lose 30 pounds. Boo, health problems! I didn't lose 30 more, but I did manage to maintain last summer's weight loss for the most part. I discovered the awesomeness of the paleo diet and really love how I feel when I'm skipping glutens and sugar - but it's hard to do that when you're crunched for time! Hoping to get back to that when things settle down in a few weeks.
    
    
19. Make time to WRITE. Nope. Heartbreak zaps all of my desire and sparkle to write. So beyond finishing a personal narrative from last summer, this didn't happen (although I did journal a bunch during the Mr.24-29 episode). And I'm still in repair, but hopefully I can make this a priority for my 30s in general. I love writing!!!
    
    
20. Just dance. Not as much as I'd like. I did discover yoga this year, so yay for that! I do best in a structured class environment, so I'm hoping to do zumba at the Orem Rec Center a bunch and get back in the swing of attending Ballet Blast, though. Feels sooooo good!
    
    
21. Sing, sing, sing.
    
    
    
    DONE!!! Ah! Finally! Another success. This one had a few success iterations, too - singing with Lehi Chorale last Christmas, taking voice lessons (if only for a little while), getting into the audition-only Mapleton Chorale for this year (we're a couple weeks into rehearsals, and I LOVE it!!!). Feels amazing to have choral singing back in my life again weekly. I quite love it.
    
    
22. Put my clothes away in the closet, not on the floor. DONE!!! Well... at least I was... and then I got close to moving and stopped caring, haha. But my new bedroom has so much space! I have a double closet that takes up the entire length of my room, complete with built-in shelves and whatnot. No excuse to not be on top of this.
    
    
23. Reinstate "Christa Dates." DONE!!! I go through busy-busy waves and need to get better/consistent with this, but one of the lessons learned with the health problems is to listen to my poor body and learn to slooooooow dooooooooown sometimes. So I've learned to make plans by myself, whether it be going to a movie, taking a canyon drive, or browsing the outlets in Park City. Extroverted as I am, that alone time is golden.
    
    
24. Stop snoozing. Bahahahaha... no. Such a hard habit to break! Still working on it...
    
    
25. Give up the Diet Pepsi once and for all. DONE!!! And then my life got insane this month with moving and traveling... and I got back on the bottle. Curses!!! I'll have to go through the withdrawal process all over again in a week, when I give it up again after Labor Day. Not a pretty sight, but I did feel better not needing the fix to wake up my brain.
    
    
26. Write in my journal weekly. Not so much - which is funny, because usually writing is sooooo therapeutic for me to process stuff. But I couldn't stand the thought of dealing with stuff in real time and then reliving it on paper. So... now that I'm back to good, I should get on top of this again.
    
    
27. Learn to poach an egg.
    
    
    DONE!!! My darling friend Emily was sweet enough to film a tutorial for me, and I did follow it step by step in order to make some amazing Eggs Benedict from scratch. So fun!!!
    
    
28. Make the most of my commute. DONE!!! I could've done this even more, but I did up my audiobooks and Church talk listening on the drive. It makes such a difference. Some of my favorites: the audio of Jacqueline Kennedy's interviews a few months after JFK's assassination, Tina Fey's Bossypants, and many a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell.
    
    
29. Run a 5K. I did two 5Ks this year - Color Me Rad back in April, and then the Freedom Run in July - but health problems wiped me out from running and training as I'd hoped. Actually, it was when walking the color run left me flat on my back in bed for two days that I realized something was seriously wrong, healthwise. And now I'm fine! Really need to make this happen for the 30th year.
    
    
30. Channel my inner Annie Oakley. Nope, and I don't even have a good excuse other than a busy schedule and other priorities. Hopefully I can go shooting with my cousin this fall.

Thankful No. 9: Starry Skies

"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream."

- Vincent van Gogh

Ohhhh, how I love starry skies. Next to the temple, there is nothing that makes me feel connected to my Heavenly Father and provides much-needed perspective more than gazing at the stars, if only for a few moments. Somehow I feel so complete when contemplating the immensity of the heavens. It's so close to my heart, it's hard to express, really.

Few things inspire more awe than considering that God, our Heavenly Father, created everything on our planet and on so many others - and yet, He knows how many hairs are on my head. He understands - and, furthermore, actually cares - about every little detail of my life, from the major issues of marriage and career to getting a good parking spot in Orange County on those nights when I was sooooo exhausted, getting home at 1 a.m. from a city council meeting. How is that even possible?! And yet, it's the case. That idea totally blows my mind!

While camping at Capitol Reef this summer, I ended up outside at 3 a.m. and was absolutely amazed by the beauty of the starry sky. It was more full than any sky I've ever seen before, even more so than in Island Park. It's one thing to know there are lots more stars than we usually see - it's something else altogether to actually see them, spanning the sky from horizon to horizon. How many stars do we miss every night because of city lights? Similarly, how many blessings from God do we not recognize on a daily basis, taking them for granted? How many impressions do we miss because of distractions from other sources?

Also, the stars are so constant, coming in their appointed times and seasons, so sure that travelers of old looked to them for direction. I may not need them to indicate north, south, east, or west, but I do look to them for reassurance that despite whatever might seem so huge in my life at the moment, it'll pass. How many lives have they seen, after all? It's like my good friend Orion in the sky. Seriously, I feel such comfort and peace when I see that constellation, remembering how stressful that senior year of college was - and yet, the best times were ahead of me. Furthermore, how much has my life changed for the good since I blogged that three years ago? How much will that continue to be the case throughout all eternity?

So, unlike van Gogh, I do know some things with certainty - namely, that God our Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ, watch over us and are intricately involved with the details and complexities of our lives, even with all the immensity of their creations. And it is that knowledge, more than anything, that leaves me dreaming at the sight of starry skies.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

Honey, I'm home!

Vacation was fabulous. FABULOUS. Seriously, I had such a blast! The trip definitely merits some more in-depth chronicling (complete with some pics), but seeing as I'm terrible about blogging these days, here's a teaser list of what I did on my summer vacation:

* Star-gazed with a dear old friend in Cache Valley (near Logan)

* Went four-wheeling - and discovered that makes your back all tight and sore for a few days, lol. Who knew?

* Ate Cafe Rio. Twice.

* Went through the Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house in flipflops - it was a spur-of-the-moment decision (and a wonderful one at that - thanks, Melissa!)

* Marveled at an awesome summer storm with my little cousins in the cabin loft

* Saw three black bears in Yellowstone (including one who hopped up on his hind legs and scratched his back against a tree - awesome!!!)

* Caught a fish - and watched in disbelief as my uncle and grandma released aforementioned fish back into the lake. And then watched as they managed to catch a dozen-plus fish between them while I didn't get a single other bite all day. Lame, lame, lame - I so wanted to eat a fish I caught!

* Took in a fabulous production of Guys and Dolls at the Playmill Theatre - my favorite tradition for 20 years now!!! 

* Ate way too many of my grandma's homemade chocolate-covered peanut butter balls. Soooo worth it, though!

* Slept in five beds in nine days. (Alone, of course - not a hussy! That could soooo be taken the wrong way...)

* Loved the "biggest fireworks show west of the Mississippi" on the banks of the Snake River in Idaho Falls - it was amazing! And hearing my friend Elise sing the national anthem at the swanky party across the creek wasn't too shabby, either.

* Marveled at the bizarre hairstyles so prevalent in Idaho. Note to the men: mullets are not attractive. Get over it. Note to the women: lay off the hairspray, ladies! And teasing should be done to children, not your hair.

And that, my friends, pretty much encapsulates the last week and a half of my life. So delightful! More tales to come soon, I'm sure...

Spending the Morning with an Old Friend

This week I've managed to do something I never thought I could: get my butt out the door by 5:30 a.m. and work out before work (and still get home with enough time to have nice hair!). For me, this new resolve and willpower is nothing short of a miracle, but it's becoming habit, and for that, I'm truly grateful.

Anyhoo, this morning, as I came down the stairs to pound the pavement, I was stunned to see a sliver of a crescent moon still brilliant against the dark, pre-dawn sky. I know it's fall and all, but I still didn't think it would be so dark so early (will this get better or worse with the time change in October? I can never remember).

As I turned the corner, a huge grin came to my face when I saw a dear, old friend in the sky: Orion!

I don't know if it's just totally geeky to have favorite constellations, but every time I see Orion, I feel a little surge of joy in my heart.

Why, you ask?

Well, this dates back to my busiest year of college - my senior year, when I lived at the Villa with Brittny, Tina and Melisa. This was the year during which I was, simultaneously, an American Heritage TA, a reporter/copy editor for The Daily Universe, co-president of the American Studies Student Association and editor-in-chief of the ASSA journal, Americana, all while balancing a challenging class load, a busy social life (including my three high school best friends all marrying within four months of each other!), a little bit of the usual drama, writing faithfully to a missionary, etc.

It was, basically, sheer insanity.

I've never felt so thinly stretched in my entire life. There were nights when I dragged along a pillow and blanket, and I slept in the Humanities Publication Center, aka "The Pub," because I wanted to get Americana wrapped up by the year's end, and there was just too much to do.

I was soooo busy - but I also have never felt the Lord's hand more strongly in my life, either. I really could feel the angels around me, bearing me up, as I turned to God so much because I knew that I truly could not do it on my own.

It was during this hectic year that I developed my bond with Orion. You see, there were many mornings when, in order to accomplish everything on my plate, I'd wake up at 5 a.m., run to the store for a Red Bull and then head home to finish my homework and what not. When I'd make these pre-dawn caffeine runs (oh, yeah, btw, this is when that caffeine addiction started, surprise, surprise), the world was so still - it seemed like I was so alone in the world.

But, as I'd go to my car, I always noticed Orion, glimmering in the sky ahead. For whatever reason, I felt so much love from the heavens - as if it was Heavenly Father's way of reminding me that I wasn't alone. In fact, I've always felt like that when I gaze at the stars - but, I don't know. Seeing a constellation with a name personified it for me, I guess.

So, this morning, as I once again headed out into the stillness of a world that's still mostly asleep, I was so glad to see my friend Orion, this time watching me pushing myself once more - but, thankfully, because I want to, not because my plate is too full.

And, I have to say, there is something really magical about being up before the world get too hectic, enjoying the newness of a day just dawning. I love it. It waaaaaay beats snoozing! Working out then is so much more relaxing than doing so at night, when there's a franticness in the post-work rush. I only wish I'd started this regimen sooner!