Lost and Found

Looking back at 2012, one theme sticks out: loss.

In the course of the past year, I lost hope for relationships with key family members (including straight-up estrangements for most of the year), lost a chance at love (although, if we're being honest, I dodged a bullet with that one), lost my health for several months, my team lost the election (grrrr!!!), and, a few weeks ago, I lost my grandmother, who was my family, best friend, and primary example in life. Oh, and just today I got the news that my grandmother's children are selling her cabin in Island Park—my lifelong haven and refuge—so that's another devastating loss for 2012. Even happy things, like moving to my delightful condo, involved loss—losing the happiest home situation I've ever had, living with my best friend in a place filled with joy and warmth.

So to you, 2012, I have two words: Peace out!

Now, onto the beautiful blank state of 2013 (which I'm kicking off with a one-night stay at the Hotel Del Coronado—hello, bucket-list item!!!)

I've decided that this new year is going to be MY year. As devastating as loss can be, it brings a certain degree of liberation. The voids left by losses can be opportunities to create better, brighter, beautiful possibilities—and I'm going to make finding them the focus of this new year.

Specifically:

• Finding Health and Wealth—Two of my biggest Achilles' heels in life seem to be fitness and finances. Honestly, both stem from a shared root issue: a lack of self-discipline and delayed gratification. This year I plan to attack both with a vengeance!
• Finding Love—And by love, I broaden that scope beyond romance, because love is so much bigger than that. My life is filled with love, and yet too often I either discount available love because it's not the source I crave (i.e. friends instead of family), or I get frustrated with love offered because it's not exactly what I want from that particular individual. I need to work on accepting what love people offer—no more, no less—while trusting in God's goodness to provide what I do need, even when it comes from unexpected places. (And if an unexpected place does happen to be that tall, dark, handsome "Mormon prince" I've been awaiting... well... fabulous!)
• Finding Meaningful Ways to Serve—Rebuilding my broken heart necessitated an inward focus for much of 2012, but I finally feel like I can breathe again! The dust is settling, and with that, I really want to get outside of myself. The two consistent services I did in 2012 were family history and temple work, which are incredibly fulfilling and fabulous, so I want to get back to those. But above and beyond that, I want to serve those within my sphere in whatever way possible. I have so much love to give and need to find great outlets for it.
• Finding My Voice—I've had an idea for a book bouncing around in my brain for ages now, but I still needed to gain some experience in order to pull it off. I think the time has arrived to put pen to paper and up my Writer (with a capital W) street cred by writing my book.
• Finding Peace and Comfort in the Atonement—Christ's Atonement is magnificent and marvelous, but as much as I appreciate it, I still don't fully tap into its strength and power, especially as a source of infinite love, peace, and comfort. I struggle to trust what I can't see, and that's a flaw that really needs to fall away this year.
• Finding Serenity in Uncertainty—Whew, trust is a BIG struggle for me, quite possibly my biggest. I have such a hard time believing things will work out, even when I have so many case studies of when they did. So instead I expend sooooo much energy overthinking and overanalyzing in an attempt to make certainty out of something inherently uncertain. Well, that has GOT to stop, because I seriously become my own worst enemy in those instances! Here's to letting go and learning to TRUST wholeheartedly, no fear, no regrets.
• Finding the Hows—It was a glorious moment a few weeks ago to realize that I've done it! I have, in many ways, become the woman I always wanted to be. It's such a wonderful feeling. Life is so much like hiking, and as the dust's started to settle on 2012, I've been enjoying the breather and the vista, appreciating how far I've come. Now it's time to get up and get back to climbing, looking for the specific, material ways to take that "becoming who I want to be" to the next level. If you're not progressing, you're regressing, and I want to keep moving forward into beautiful, wonderful things.

Here's to the most marvelous, wonderful, fabulous year yet, friends!!! Hope this next year brings you so much joy and love, too.

Weakness in Strength

You know the old adage, "When I am weak, then am I strong"?

Well... I've learned this week that the opposite is true:

When I think I'm so strong I don't need others... then am I weak.

In general, I don't rank pride atop my list of struggles or weaknesses. I think I'm a fairly humble, meek, teachable person...

... until I need help. It doesn't matter what the help is, really, either. Help with painting my condo or moving or even hosting a party. Someone to take care of me when I'm so rundown and exhausted, I accidentally starve myself for a week and go into diabetic shock. (Yep, that happened.) A hug and shoulder on which to cry while mourning my grandmother's death. Asking for the help I need is almost impossible. Somehow I think I should be able to do everything on my own, and if not, I'm failing.

That, my friends, is its own form of pride. And the last year - especially the last week - has compelled me to humility on that front.

I just like to tread lightly, I tell myself. Other people are busy enough. I don't want to make demands on their time and emotions. We're not close enough of friends that I can crumble in front of them. No one likes an emotional mess, right?

And, worst of all, I don't know how to be anything but strong. Even when I'm not, and when being strong is the last thing in the world I want to be.

So I'll admit it. Losing my grandmother is absolutely devastating. And while I genuinely felt so much support and comfort that first day, I also was at a total loss of how to react, and almost a week later, I'm still totally lost. There's no instruction manual for losing your sole earthly source of unconditional strength and support. I've been emotionally self-sufficient since the bottom fell out on my family when I was 13 and didn't have anyone to lean on - except for my grandmothers. Over the years I've built a phenomenal support system of friends, but my grandmothers had been there my whole life, and I felt like I could claim and expect their support. When Gram died a decade ago, I just rolled that closeness and emotional connection over to Grandma Doris. Without her, I feel so lost. Who do I have now? Add to that an additional 10 years with Grandma Doris in which we made that transition to an adult friendship filled with so many fun moments and important common bonds like temple attendance, and... wow. I still can't quite let myself "go there" and feel the shock because I worry I won't be able to pull out of the grief, especially with the full plate in front of me from now until after the funeral. And there's no one who I feel like I can ask to hold my hand through that journey, either, even as I'm getting more offers for help than I know what to do with. My family is soooooo "suck it up and deal" that I can't recognize when I need to stop going it alone - a not-so-good trait I inherited from Grandma. It is incredibly difficult for me to let go and let others take care of me, even when that's what I want and need.

I keep thinking about when I climbed Mt. Washburn this summer, something I proudly did alone. A few groups of fellow hikers invited me to join them along the trail, and while I did chat with them briefly, I always changed my pace to get back to doing my own thing. It was something I'd been wanting to conquer for decades, and I just felt like I needed to do it solo. But was I truly without help? Nope. California girl that I am forgot to bring a jacket, and mountains get cold, so Grandma sent me off with her windbreaker. And I'd forgotten my sunglasses at the office before heading to Yellowstone for the weekend, but my friend had forgotten his shades in my car a couple weeks earlier, so it was his sunglasses shielding my eyes. And that was actually a total blessing, because his were far better geared for athletic feats than my cheapy wayfarers. Most importantly, at the summit I discovered that the hikers before and after me all saw bears along the trail. Plural. I didn't see a single one, although I did notice their tracks on my way back down. Later I learned that Mt. Washburn is the one hike in Yellowstone notorious for bears... and I sure didn't have bear spray. But I had a Heavenly Father watching my back, even as I stubbornly tried to climb alone.

Well... lesson learned. Even though she's gone, Grandma is the voice in my head, and her love fills my heart. She can't give me her windbreaker when I forget my own anymore, but I can draw from her love forever. And there will always be friends there to lend their proverbial sunglasses to help me if I'm willing to take them up on it. The sunglasses wouldn't have helped unless I put them on my face, and my friends can't help me unless I let them in and take them up on their offerings of support. And again, most importantly, I have a loving Heavenly Father to protect me from dangers both seen and unseen. He wouldn't leave me without the resources needed to succeed and thrive in life. Here's to the next stage of life's climb: learning to lean on the love in my life and climb with the amazing company that surrounds me.

A Word on My Single Status

Friends, I feel like every time I say anything remotely related to dating or along the veins of saying that I'd like to be married, I need to give a disclaimer.

So I'm going to give this disclaimer once. Please listen and take note - and I'm sure your other single friends would concur.

Ready?

When your response to anyone's commentary on their own singleness is something along the lines of a platitude or patronizing remark about how "It'll happen at the right time..." or "Just have faith..." or "Aren't you so glad you can traipse around New York City while I'm at home potty-training an unruly toddler?!"

Please... and I say this with the most love in my heart possible...

Save your breath.

There.

I said it.

After 12 1/2 years of being in the marriage-obsessed LDS singles scene, believe you me, I've heard it all. I understand and appreciate that the comments and compliments are meant to lighten my load, but honestly, they don't.

Because I know undoubtedly that God is preparing an amazing, righteous, wonderful man for me. I know that he will be worth every bad date endured, every tear shed, every hope dashed painfully to pieces. The caliber of men I've dated in the last couple of years, coupled with the phenomenal guy friends in my life, assure me that there are still plenty of keepers out there. I don't opt into the "all the good ones are taken" philosophy. Mine's out there, and he'll come when he and I are both ready for it. Period. End of story. And I wouldn't have him come along a moment sooner.

Because if I'd wanted just to be married by now, I would be. I've had offers, guys. And I mean that pretty seriously, even if the relationships didn't have labels affixed. There's one in particular who would marry me this minute, and boy, I would be the most cherished, lucky lady in the world... except for that whole temple marriage thing. I can't budge there. Some things you just plain don't settle on.

Because when I say I could really use a husband right now to hold my hand as I face the passing of my grandmother, I don't mean it as an invitation for platitudes. You mean well. I get it. I appreciate it. But I'm not complaining. I'm just acknowledging reality. There is a difference. I want someone who will hold me as I cry. I need that now more than I ever have in my 30 years. There's not a person on whom I can call for that right now (well, in the same state as me, at least), and that stings. I'm tired of being strong and feeling like I have to do it all myself. I want someone who is mine forever and always, from whom I can claim protection, companionship, comfort, support, etc. and who I can, in return, love with all of my heart, who I can nurture and cherish, with whom I can just plain enjoy how fun and wonderful life can be. Even awful situations like a midnight ER run can be an adventure with the right company, as my best friend and I learned last weekend. Yes, I have amazing friends who are here for me. And I don't discount that. But they have lives - busy lives and families of their own. And due to how I was raised, my default assumption is that I'm bothering people if I ask anything of them. I've had a lifetime of self-sufficiency. I want someone to whom my life materially matters, and vice versa.

Because life is supposed to be a team sport. Remember that whole Adam-Eve thing about it not being good for man to be alone? It's right there at the start of the Bible for a reason - it's the most essential, basic part of this earth-life experience.

Because I am really, truly, blissfully happy with my life right now. It is amazing. I'm done waiting to let myself fully enjoy and embrace my happiness with life as it is right now. No more asterisks. No more "Everything's great... except I just need a good man." So please refrain from discounting my happiness and putting conditions on it for me, okay? My post about how blissful and perfect my Thanksgiving was this year elicited a comment about how "all it was missing was a good man, and that will come!" Gag. Me. I know she meant well, but... she really didn't need to remind me what I'm missing and then top it with trite words of "comfort." I'm not postponing my happiness. Please don't do it for me, either.

Because it'll happen when it's right, and really, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I am not worried about it. Do you have any concept of the energy I've expended in the last decade-plus, worrying about dating and crushes and trying to read between lines and decipher what's going on in the minds of the objects of my affection?! Can you imagine the amazing things I could have accomplished by channeling that into something productive?! Yeah. I don't want to regret wasted time and energy anymore, either. And after the last year, I'm out of extra emotional energy for the wasting anyway.

And, most of all, because I'm not going to pretend the lack's not there anymore than I'll let myself be defined by it. It is what it is, just as much as I can't control my height (but I can improve my posture) or my grey hair (but I can dye it). I'll make the absolute most out of my current single status, but acknowledging reality is neither a whining complaint nor a cry for complimentary platitudes. I know why I haven't gotten married yet - I've needed this time to grow and learn. I am an amazing woman now, far better than I was a year ago, and I am sooooo glad I didn't meet Mr. Right a moment sooner.

Please join me in embracing the awesomeness of what's there and letting go of what we can't control. And thank you, as always, for your love and good intentions. I appreciate it.

Sometime We'll Understand

Not now, but in the coming years

It may not be when we demand

We'll read the meaning of our tears

And there, sometime, we'll understand--

Why what we long for most of all

Eludes our open, pleading hand;

Why ever silence meets our call,

Somewhere, sometime, we'll understand.

So trust in God through all thy days;

Fear not, for He doth hold thy hand;

Though dark thy way, still sing and praise

Sometime, sometime we'll understand.

Sometime, we'll fall on bended knee,

And feel there, graven on His hand;

Sometime with tearless eyes we'll see

What, here, we could not understand.

So trust in God through all thy days;

Fear not, for He doth hold thy hand;

Though dark thy way, still sing and praise

Sometime, sometime we'll understand.

Next week I have the blessed opportunity to sing Rob Gardner's beautiful Lamb of God in this concert. During tonight's next-to-last rehearsal, this song touched my heart so much, it brought me to tears. Wish that I could find the audio online somewhere to share, but alas -- you'll have to trust me and listen to a clip here (or get it on iTunes. Worth every penny).

I don't understand why we're called to endure certain trials in our lives -- failing health, loss of a loved one through either death or diverging paths, a longstanding lack of something good, whether that be a job or a baby or a spouse. Life's hard. It really, truly, just is. But there is always hope. How grateful I am for a Heavenly Father who is involved in the details of our lives. His hand is in it all -- there is true method in the madness, although we may not be privileged to see the whys in the moment, if ever. More importantly, I'm grateful for a Savior who already bore all of our griefs, sorrows, sins, and afflictions so that He can succor us perfectly if we but turn to Him for comfort and care.

One of my favorite quotations comes from Jack Rushton, a quadraplegic patriarch in Orange County: "In life, pain and suffering are inevitable -- but misery is optional."

His words are so true. Each of us are here to be tested and tried, for it is only in those difficult moments that the true mettle of our character is tested. Who is it that knows the strength of the winds but the man who seeks to stand, not the one who bends, right? But we don't have to go the road alone, nor do we need to live in misery. Men are that they might have joy, even if that means glorying in tribulation (not just after the fact when we're on the other side of them!).

For now, we get to walk by faith and trust that God won't give us anything we can't conquer -- and that He will make up to us every tear, every sorrow, every heartache and lonely moment. The greatest gifts and blessings God can share with us are likely ahead of us on the path, if we will press forward. For a good reminder, read Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's powerful talk, Come What May and Love It.

And if you want to hear what prophets of God are saying to us now, tune into General Conference this weekend. Don't know about you, but my heart and soul are ready to drink deeply from those waters starting tomorrow. Hard to believe it's been six months already since the last one! 

Family History... I Am Doing It!

Guess who missed out on her Friday night social plans because she got distracted by family history?

Yup. Nerd and a half, right? Next I'll be rescuing cats from a shelter and knitting. Oh my.

Anyways... This year my stake has a challenge for each ward member to find a direct relative for whom they can perform all the vicarious ordinances in the temple... which presents a particular challenge for me, the sole Latter-day Saint on my mom's side of the family. I've got an entire side's work to do -- but I've already helped out with the proverbial "low-hanging fruit" and haven't done more because it's daunting. All four of my mom's grandparents immigrated to the U.S., and details about their families beyond them are fuzzy. I did all the work I could a year after my grandma passed away (so, 2003) and then started into family history again a couple of years ago -- remember when FamilySearch offered to find me a husband? -- but didn't really get too far. It's time to get acting on the information I gathered then and take it to the next level, getting these great and powerful sealing ordinances done.

I feel so lost, though! I have a handful of names -- my mom's half-brother who died before my grandparents met, my grandmother's two sisters who died young and need to be sealed to their parents, various great-aunts and great-uncles, and even my great-grandma Rosie from Bohemia -- but I haven't a clue where to go from there, how to search out their data, match it out, and move on to the next generation.

Any other fledgling genealogists out there? I'm thinking a field trip to the Family History Library in downtown Salt Lake is in order soon, if anyone wants to come with.

{PS: I just had the sweetest experience! While clicking through my mom's mom's line, I gasped -- a new name was in the mix, and it was one of the ones on my list!!! Eric Bolton, aka "Uncle Eric," my dear Grandma Jean's uncle about whom I'd heard for years. Totally just snatched up his name to do the work for... and tears started falling. I'm such a baby! But there is something so awesome about getting to do this work for my ancestors who can't do it for themselves, and I'd rather have that privilege than having it fall to some random person. It feels like any time I pay this some attention, names just come out of the woodwork. Anyways. Too fun, had to share!}

Celestial Sight

"With celestial sight, trials impossible to change become possible to endure." -- Neal A. Maxwell

As long as I live, I'll never forget the awe and wonder that accompanied my first pair of glasses. I must have spent hours staring out the window from my bed, repeatedly lowering and then raising the frames, marveling at the definition of the leaves and twigs that I'd been missing for years. That I needed glasses was no surprise -- I noticed my eyesight declining in middle school -- but until I had those corrective lenses over my 14-year-old eyes, I had no real idea of precisely what I'd been missing.

That memory struck me once again tonight as I thought again of the parable of the glasses.

That first pair of glasses we get is similar to baptism, an introductory ordinance that grants us lasting clear vision for the first time. Maintaining that clarity isn't a one-time event, though. It's only with those corrective lenses (the Holy Ghost) that we're able to see clearly day in and day out. We must step aside and, with help from a qualified professional, reassess our vision periodically to make sure we're still seeing 20/20 -- and to take any corrective action necessary for our very individualized vision needs. (Thank you, repentance!)

Thanks to countless hours spent staring at a computer screen or smartphone, my vision seems to be worsening by -0.25 each year. The lenses I replaced just over a year ago aren't sharp anymore. They're good enough for me to survive, but I could use new ones again. What worked not that long ago won't do now. Such is life, right? We're progressing or regressing -- what was enough in the past will fail to be enough in the future.

Kind of a fun analogy, right?

Well, as I was pondering this upon leaving the temple tonight (bespectacled, of course), I was struck by how important it is to have celestial sight, with that great Neal A. Maxwell quote coming to mind. To truly see clearly, we must see with more than our eyes. There is so much more depth and potential beyond what we see around us -- in every person and situation that crosses our paths.

Lately I have been all kinds of myopic, and as a result, I've not seen the forest for the trees. I was so ready to flee my Utah life at a moment's notice for greener pastures back East -- until I had an amazing work week followed by a wonderful weekend, and I remembered again just how great I've got it here.

But beyond that, I've spent time pondering and praying about whether New York City is right for me, whether I have God's green light to chase after that dream. I got a no. Actually, I got an "okay... if you're sure that's what you really want..." followed by obvious reasons to stay. I'm not going anywhere, at least not for now, even if corporate does make an interview offer.

And while that definitely led me to shed some tears, and while it breaks my heart a little to not chase that dream (at least for now), I know that God has a plan for my life, as He does for each of us. I've seen evidence of it too clearly and undeniably in the past to doubt it now. Any future He has in store for me will be far grander than what I could choose for myself -- taking me to adventures higher than the Chrysler Building or the Empire State Building, more sparkling than any Tiffany's jewel, and more fun than even the Big piano at F.A.O. Schwarz. (Which, by the way, is ridiculously fun.) Knowing that this is where I need to be, I can work within the parameters of my obstacles and make the best of them (which, all things considered, are not all that bad!). It helps to see that bigger picture, to remember that there is wisdom behind everything. I've always been led to exactly where I needed to be, and it's been amazing. God hasn't failed me yet, nor will He in the future.

Also, how grateful I am for the temple, which expands our visions on an eternal scale. It's such a blessing and privilege to run less than 10 minutes up the road and be reminded of my eternal mission, to catch a glimpse of the family's eternal nature and of our potential to return to God's presence someday. I love how the temple anchors me to eternity and turns my heart and mind to more important matters -- reaching out to serve my family on both sides of the veil, preparing for that future family of my own, trusting in the promises and impressions I've received. What a rich gift it is to peer through heavenly eyes while making this mortal journey!

Becoming What the World Needs

“The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender.

There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. 

There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.
We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith.
We have enough greed; we need more goodness.
We have enough vanity; we need more virtue.
We have enough popularity; we need more purity."

- Margaret D. Nadauld

The world in which we live makes me so sad sometimes. Men's hearts truly are failing them - all you have to do is to look at the news to see all the horrible, base things that happen each and every day. We hail from this royal generation - and yet, how much do we see squandered potential everywhere around us? Addictions, distractions, a lack of basic respect, reverence, or dignity - it's just heartbreaking to see how many people live below their divine inheritances... and either don't know they deserve better or don't care to do the work required to find better things.

This morning I was thinking about how little the world reveres reverence or respect - simple things that would make life that much better. In today's world, nothing is sacred - and yet, we have the challenge to live sanctified lives, to rise above the fray and to lift up our brothers and sisters while we're at it. 

No small feat, right?

How profoundly grateful I am for the understanding that we can and must do better than what we see around us - to create families that are blessed, not broken; to show forth compassion and courage despite the calloused hands and hearts we encounter. Let us never forget who we are - READ THIS if you need a reminder - to embrace and understand our eternal identities, and to help others do the same.

The Power of One

The San Clemente Stake lost a true giant a couple of weeks ago in the passing of Kevin Hegewald. I didn't know Bro. Hegewald personally, although I always loved when he spoke on High Council Sundays in our ward. Some of my close friends knew him well, however, and I've been so touched to see the comments people have made about the impact he had in their lives, including in this video featuring the stake's youth. Between that and reading the blog his family kept, chronicling his battle against cancer, I am just blown away by the powerful impact one person can have on the lives of so, so many people by living a good life and serving as a truly Christ-like example. If you read nothing else, PLEASE scroll down on the blog to his entry about adversity. It's amazing how even after his passing, Bro. Hegewald is teaching us how to survive and thrive through challenges.

I hope that you, too, can be touched by this example and this reminder of how much we affect others merely by living our lives. It's phenomenal the potential we have to make a difference if we're willing to rise up to the opportunity.

Gives "FamilySearch" a Whole New Meaning...

Yes, please, FamilySearch. Go ahead and "Add or find husband." That would save me a whole heap of trouble...

Who knew that family history could include expanding one's family tree in the other direction, too?

Teehee

I know I'm soooooo behind in blogging - my apologies! Vacation was fabulous - I have hundreds of photos to sort through, literally! - but then I hit the ground running upon my return, starting the new job (which I LOOOOOVE!!!!). It's been a busy couple of weeks. I promise to catch you up soon, but in the meanwhile, here's a random post for a Tuesday morning. Enjoy!
A bunch of us girls watched the delightful '80s dance classic "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" on Friday night, and wouldn't you know, a blond dancer looked awfully familiar to me this time around? He's been in some LDS Church movies, including "A More Perfect Union," which I watched countless times as an American Heritage TA. Maybe that's why he looked familiar?

So, being the imdb.com addict that I am, I searched through the name of every male dancer in the dang movie, to figure out who this guy was. His name? Derryl Yeager. The man's got quite the impressive resume. He's also the founder and artistic director of Odyssey Dance Theatre in Utah, and is super-involved with the Utah dance scene. Apparently he used to teach dance at BYU and the U of U, too, and was a principle dancer (and artistic director) for Ballet West, plus he did other dance flicks like the "Saturday Night Fever" sequel "Stayin' Alive" (which, by the way, is painfully horrible. I love my dance flicks, but that one's a waste of an hour!) Who knew, right? And then I stumbled upon this delightful photo from Meridian Magazine, circa 2001. The caption? "Derryl Yeager, an extremely talented dancer/choreographer, and Michael Ballam, opera singer and performing artist extraordinaire, share a moment together at Tuacahn near St. George, Utah. (Both do a little acting on the side.)"

Flirt to Convert?

This morning I had a fun little text conversation with a guy... we'll call him Mr. J, to protect the innocent.

Mr. J is a fellow reporter who works for some of the L.A. Times-owned community papers here in Orange County, and we became "frenemies" while both covering Laguna. I think our winning meet-cute was when we played tic-tac-toe during a Planning Commission meeting. It was a blast!

He accompanied me to a Sondheim concert back in February, and it was such a fun date -- the engaging, rapid-fire conversation you don't have all that often, and we have so many common interests! He even called me on the drive home... awwww...

... But I kinda blew him off when he tried to plan Date #2, and our planning has been hit and miss ever since.

Anyways, this morning he asked me what I was up to tonight. Being the Type A planner that I am, of course I've had plans since Monday. Tomorrow was shockingly open, though, so I suggested that, but he'll be in L.A. all day.

Sunday, he asked?

No can do, I said -- Sunday's church only for me. Soooo... what does he suggest?

Yes, indeed, he asked if he could come to church with me!

Sooo... looks like I have a date to church on Sunday. Don't know what will come of it, but who said you can't flirt to convert? ;)