Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks make online dating look waaaaaay more fun and adorable than it is in reality.
As chagrined as I am to admit this, I am now an active participant in online dating. I've "been online" for a while, but other than that one really awkward/awful date back in November (you know, the one where he audibly mouthed EVERY WORD to EVERY SONG in the concert we were attending? *shudder*), I haven't met up with any of the fellas I've e-met via dating sites.
Until now.
Suddenly I have a date with a 45-year-old attorney this afternoon (to get sodas and talk politics/history) and another date with a 41-year-old pathologist on Saturday, plus I'm communicating with a handful of guys via eHarmony's "free communication" weekend.
And I'm still not sure how I feel about this whole interwebs dating thingamajigger.
On the one hand, the internet is the modern-day watering hole. Mormons don't really do the whole bar scene, so if you're looking to meet people beyond your daily routine, it's kind of a natural way to boost your network. Seeing as I'm on the older end of my ward, there are only a handful of guys in my dating range there. And work? Well... I can count the number of single guys I know at our company on two hands. Not to say there's not quality there, because there are some total winners - but there's not quantity. And I do have friends or hear about friends of friends who met reputable, upstanding, awesome spouses via the interwebs, so I know it caaaan be done. In theory.
On the other hand... online dating just is not natural. Online profiles and emailed "flirts" are no replacement for standing face to face with a cute guy and conversing (both verbally and nonverbally). You really can't get a feel for someone from online interaction, nor can you make judgment calls on whether someone's a stud or dud based on any objective standard like age, height, career, etc. Those decisions require meeting up... which requires spending valuable time going through the hoops of emailing and meeting up. Which sometimes sounds less appealing than shoving bamboo under my fingernails. Or doing accounting.
Have any of you had successes or horror stories with the world of online dating?
{PS: So... I bailed on today's date. I know. Awful. Legitimately, I'm not feeling up to "discussing politics and the Constitution" (something I do love, but not for today). But, really, I also don't have any business dating a man who's closer in age to my father than to me. Any way you slice it, that's creepy, and I'd rather not waste anyone's time from the get-go.}
Ringing in 2011 with the Davis clan in Provo - can't believe that was a year ago!
Hey, friends! Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to all of you! 2011 has been quite an incredible year. In many ways it's been "the best of times and the worst of times," filled with amazing adventures and the realization of long-held dreams as well as some heartbreaking disappointments. I've also been a sidelines observer to some amazing triumphs and hard times friends have experienced, and the resilience of the human spirit never ceases to amaze. I'm no doubt a better, stronger, and more authentic woman than I was when the year kicked off in January, and I can't wait to see what further growth 2012 will bring.
Anyways. On to the fun stuff. Here are some highlights from the past year:
16,250 miles traveled on 10 trips to/through 9 states and 1 Canadian province - and that doesn't include many trips along the Wasatch Front to Layton, Logan, and the like (which, on days like today, tack on 200 miles!). This year I journeyed to San Francisco, Capitol Reef, Glacier/Waterton/Banff/Calgary, Yellowstone/Island Park, Denver, Savannah/Atlanta, and Southern California times four (but at least to varying parts - L.A., Orange County, and San Diego). For the record, I miss Savannah and/or Banff on a near-daily basis. And I LOVE that I can say that I miss places like Savannah and Banff. Jet-setting has been a blast!
18 plays, 20 concerts, and 4 Sundance Film Festival flicks thoroughly enjoyed. There's such a vibrant scene of local performing arts talent around here, it's awesome!!! Those concerts range from local bands in block parties, clubs, and even their parents' homes to choirs like OCMCO or the Mormon Tabernacle in concert halls to the Pacific Symphony playing the 1812 Overture in the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater while visiting Orange County; the plays range from Broadway tours and professional companies to very, very amateur local productions. Professional or amateur, I've loved them all!
Rosie and I got to meet Kevin Clash, the man behind Elmo!
Oh, and let's not forget taking the stage for 1 amazing, technicolor production and 2 performances at Temple Square during the Christmas season with the Lehi Chorale. Wish I had bandwidth to do more! Can't wait to start voice lessons next week and dive into next summer's show in the spring.
21 dates with 12 amazing men, ranging in age from 25 to 43, with 1 more date (with possibly 1 more guy) slated for the weekend... but still 0 relationships to show for it (despite getting the label of "wifeypoo" from this summer's stage hubster). All this dating's exhausting! But I'd rather be dating than not, so... it's worth it. I've really enjoyed getting to know these guys, but I'm still definitely not used to interacting with guys I know strictly in the dating sense (as opposed to my former normal of going on dates with guys who were friends first). It's a learning process, that's for sure. Better late than never!
3 roommates and 2 wards, despite not moving an inch (which was LOVELY, considering I moved three times from Nov. 2009 to Sept. 2010!)
1 royal wedding viewed with 2 lovely friends at 3:30 a.m. via streaming internet - and yes, many happy tears were shed. Love Wills and Kate!
3 speeding tickets - I know, I know, slooooooow doooooooown...
5 temples visited, including many a trip to the temples in Newport Beach and Draper, lest this list seem all vapid and ridiculous. I wish I could've actually gone in and spent time at the Cardston Temple, but it didn't work with the travel schedule. Ah, well - maybe next time. I can't wait to add the Brigham City temple to the list next year, and the Fort Collins, Colorado, temple soon as well!
30 lbs. lost... but let's not talk about how many came back from 7 boxes of Candy Cane Joe-Joe's, mmmmmkay? ;) Hitting the gym again tomorrow... *sigh*
1 promotion at work and a 2-year work-iversary celebrated - hooray for finally finding a job into which I can settle and stay put!
3 sections of the GRE passed with flying colors, and 1 Utah State University class toward my masters completed with an A! Just 10 more classes to go...
WHEW!!! What a year!
Just flipping through my planner to recap makes me exhausted. It's been an intense year, but wow, it's been such a blast. Being too busy has been great in some ways because it's made me evaluate how I'm spending my energy, and there are certain things that just plain aren't worth it. If it means dropping some relationships, sadly, so be it - much like Elphaba sings in"Defying Gravity,"
I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try, I'll never know.
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost -
Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy defying gravity.
Amen and amen! My theme and goal for 2012 is to truly defy gravity - to stop imposing silly limits on myself, being hemmed in and held back by insecurities lacking in any real basis other than falsehoods that got drilled into me over the years by people who should've complimented instead of criticized, myself included. Why I let such negativity seep in over the years, I'll never know - but now that I see it, I can make the future better, and that's what really matters, right?
Anyways... that's my adventure from this year. I can't wait to see the exciting things 2012 will bring!!!
How about you, friends? Any fun journeys taken or lessons learned in 2011?
Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year. There's something magical and special in the air, celebrating the Savior's birth but also cherishing the common ties that bind us together as a human family.
In a word, lovely.
This Christmas will be the fourth I've spent alone and the first of the past three where I will have the house completely to myself for the bulk of the long holiday weekend, Christmas Eve and Day included. As much as that might sound sad and mopey, it's not. I promise. So much of my life is spent engaging with friends, colleagues, family, etc. that the best Christmas gift I can give myself is the gift of me time. It's something I hardly ever get, and I'm really looking forward to it. Do I want to spend Christmas alone forever? Of course not, but it's the best option of all the possibilities for me out there right now. Christmas is such a family time, there are precious few families where I wouldn't feel out of place for crashing their celebrations, and none of those families are in the Beehive State. As much as I appreciate the sympathy or the invitations from other people, I really am not worried or out of sorts at the thought of being alone.
So, that said, here is the rundown of how I'm making this Christmas count, even in a dose for one:
Breakfasting with friends at Little America - Two of Salt Lake's finest hotels, the Little America and the Grand America, go all out for the holidays. Last year I went to Little America for Christmas brunch, and it was lovely! With Christmas falling on the sabbath this year, I'm opting for a Christmas Eve breakfast with friends, and I'm really, really looking forward to it. The food is divine, the atmosphere festive, and the company will be fabulous. It's my big Christmas to-do this year.
Starting my own traditions - Just because I'm not yet married or celebrating with family doesn't mean I can't have my own traditions. Breakfast at Little America is one of them, but I'm looking to develop more. I'd thought about going to Temple Square on Christmas, which I've done before, but I've already seen the lights up there three times so far this season, so I've had my fill of that. I'd love to go caroling ON Christmas to a nursing home or hospital, but it's been tough to round up a group. The new-PJs-for-Christmas tradition has always sounded wonderful (I have a major love of pajamas!!!), so I just may end up buying some new ones, wrapping them up, putting them under the tree, and unwrapping them Christmas Eve. Why not, right?
Working on Christmas cards - What better time to write notes of love and appreciation to the wonderful people in your life, right? My Christmas season has been too packed, and I haven't had a break to get my cards sent, so I'm looking forward to popping in some favorite Christmas flicks (Christmas in Connecticut, Holiday Inn, The Holiday, I'll Be Seeing You, and, of course, It's a Wonderful Life) and getting those done. They're awesome, believe you me. Totally worth the wait. (If you haven't yet sent me your address and want one, email it my way!)
Enjoying some lovely Christmas tunes - Ah, I love music. LOVE it!!! So far this Christmas season I enjoyed a performance of Lex de Azevedo's Gloria in the Tabernacle, saw Nathan Gunn and Jane Seymour perform with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir at the Conference Center last weekend, and celebrated Christmas Tuesday evening at a house concert of Hue & Hum, the husband-and-wife team whose Christmas album is just wonderful! (He's in my fav band, and she's a gifted painter whose lovely print is now gracing my room.) Oh, and let's not forget last Sunday, when I performed on Temple Square with the Lehi Chorale (including a solo, which was pretty awesome to sing on the Assembly Hall stage!!!) It's all about music at this time of year, right? So I'll keep enjoying the Christmasey goodness. Next awesome Christmas music purchase: The Lower Lights' Christmas album. I'm sampling it on Bandcamp and can't wait to snatch it up as soon as I get home tonight!
Making delicious eats - The season ran away from me! While I did cook up a storm for Christina's and my annual Christmas party, I haven't made goodies yet for my coworkers and some friends, so I'll get a little baking in. More importantly, I'm planning to make myself an excellent Christmas dinner. Pear and shallot stuffed pork tenderloin in a port wine and fig reduction sauce, anyone? Yep. It's amazing. I'm also hoping to swing up to Sugarhouse tomorrow and pick up a loaf of challah, which is my new Christmas tradition as of last year (great for French toast!). By the way, the mini-French silk pies turned out AMAZINGLY! They're on the far left - such keepers. A little labor-intensive, perhaps, but worth it for sure.
Relaaaaaxing - I can't remember the last time I didn't have some stress/duty hanging over my head. Sure, I have a little freelance work to do, but I can do it while curled up in my PJs, enjoying a good movie this weekend. Tonight I'm kicking off the holiday weekend with a massage, and my goal is to maintain that sense of loose relaxation throughout the weekend. Also on the agenda: at least one trip to the temple, returning to my favorite dance class tomorrow morning, reading some books, and just staring into space without feeling guilty about letting something go undone, if I feel so inclined. I've got tentative plans with a few friends ("yeah, we should do something!" "Mmmmkay, let me know when works for you..."), but I'm enjoying the idea of no set plans for four whole days except breakfast Saturday and church Sunday (which I'll be enjoying from the stand as a speaker - more on that in a later post...).
Merry, merry Christmas, dear friends!!! I hope your holiday weekend is chock-full of wonderful plans. Love and all the best to you each!
Seriously, I have the greatest friends in the world!!! I'm always in awe as to how I've been blessed with such a phenomenal support system of men and women who choose to be a part of my life. Most of my closest friends are people I've known for at least 5-10 years, and it's such a joy to spend time with them - and, in many cases, to develop friendships now with these little people who call my friends "Mom" and "Dad." I adore each of my friend's kids because they're awesome extensions of my friends.
I'm such an extrovert, but it takes me time to warm up and feel comfortable enough to completely be myself, no holds barred. These great friends not only know the real me - they love me for it! And I love them, too. They're such awesome individuals with so much wisdom and compassion to offer, and I'll be forever grateful for the influence they've had in my life. Hands down, each has helped me to become a better person, and I will forever be indebted to them for it.
So... this post is about two months overdue, but better late than never, right?
Thirty.
Holy crepe. How on earth am I staring that milestone in the face?! Feels like just yesterday that I was too young to sit in the bar area of restaurants. My 20s have flow by in such a blur, and I can hardly believe they're nearly over!
Then again, when people in my ward barely graduated from high school... and when my friends are all pretty much done birthing their babies... well... the reality of my age catches up to me. And it isn't a bad thing, either. Besides those occasional moments when I want to run screaming down the hall, I'm pretty much okay with owning my almost-30 status.
Still, ending my 20s is no small feat, and I want to do it well. And so, in no particular order, here are 30 things I hope to accomplish in the next 308 days (some of which are already in progress):
Become a "True Aggie." Preferably at the hands... er, lips... of someone who isn't some random stranger.
Visit five new states. And since this goes retroactively to my birthday, Georgia counts - so I've got four to go. If Route 66 happens, then I'll knock out Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma, and Texas. I'm also considering a Spring Break trip to Boston, and I could tack on a road trip around New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine. So stinkin' excited.
Go on 30 dates. Again, if we date this back to my birthday, I've gone on six so far. But I'm really going back to the beginning of 2011, which puts me at 16 so far. I think I can swing 14 dates in 10 months. I hope.
Become my authentic self. Years ago, my friend Kaylynn wrote a blogpost about becoming her authentic self. That post has haunted me ever since! I wondered what that even meant - and what it would feel like to peel off the layers of self-protecting barriers and be completely comfortable in my skin. I'm getting danged close, and it is the most empowering thing ever! I'm not sure that this process ever really ends, but I'd like to make it a high priority. Dr. Brene Brown has some great stuff on this topic, if you're interested.
Attend the temple at least 30 times.
And as a part of that, I'm trying to make the Draper temple my temple of choice (Provo's where I usually go - part sentimentality, part habit). I'd love to feel as connected to the Draper temple as I still do to Newport Beach.
Learn to ski. This will be my ninth winter in Utah, and I've never tried skiing. Ridiculous. Time to start!
Go on a cruise with my best friends. Perhaps we can make it a joint "We're all turning 30!" celebration!
Be debt-free. I'm sooooo clooooooose...
Sew what? I have a sewing machine, but that doesn't mean I know how to sew. Unless there's a proficient seamstress nearby to help me with the bobbin and all that nonsense, I'm hopeless. At the very least, I would love to turn the quilt blocks we made for a friendship quilt in my San Clemente singles ward into a bonafide quilt. And finish those baby quilts I started for Primary Children's Hospital in the spring. (Sorry, Caron!!! I know I'm a slacker!!!)
Get at least one really, really good kiss. Like, of the foot-popping variety.
Hike Mt. Washburn.
My poor father pushed us to do this when I was 10, and I whined the entire way up... until I realized how awesome it was that I climbed a freakin' mountain, and I skipped the rest of the way down. For years I've been wanting to go back and do this hike in Yellowstone again, sans the whining. And speaking of hiking...
Hike the Y. Since I'm ashamed that I never got around to this as a BYU student.
Hike Timp. I work at the base of this stunningly gorgeous mountain yet have never attempted to climb it. Again, ridiculousness. This must happen.
Read 30 books. Since we're doing the 30 theme. And textbooks totally count, because 30 is a lot! That's three a month from here on out.
Finish the Book of Mormon twice. And one of those times will be by Christmas, thanks to my stake challenge (that I'm woefully and pathetically hundreds of pages behind on... yikes!).
Get starstruck.
And no, I'm not talking about celebrities. I've always been fascinated by stars, but I've never taken the time or made the effort to really learn astronomy or even name many constellations. Definitely a goal worth pursuing.
Lose 30 pounds. Again, with the 30 thing. I'd actually like to go beyond that, but I'd be happy with this. Honestly, it's more pragmatic than cosmetic. Everyone says that your metabolism hits a wall at 30. It's going to be a heck of a lot easier to reach my goal and fight to maintain it than to fight to get there after 30.
Make time to WRITE.
And I'm not talking blogging or creating content for pay. I'm talking writing from my heart, putting the proverbial pen to paper and telling stories that keep knocking around in my brain. I'm in a writer's group, so that accountability should help. (Thanks, Rachel!)
Just dance. Dancing feeds my soul, and I can tell the difference in my overall life when I'm dancing and not. Same thing for exercise in general, but dance is definitely my workout of choice. There's a killer ballet-fitness class in Lehi I went to a few times and LOVE - again, just gotta make it a priority. I need to be dancing at least once a week, whether it's a class or just a rock-out session in my bedroom.
Sing, sing, sing. Along the same lines, singing and music bring more joy to my heart than just about anything else. So I'm planning to start voice lessons in January - already have an amazing teacher lined up, soooo excited!!! - and I'd like to get my voice beyond the awesome shape it was in while in OCMCO (which was the peak of my personal vocal performance as far as technique and timbre go).
Put my clothes away in the closet, not on the floor. Harder than it sounds, people. Harder than it sounds.
Reinstate "Christa Dates." I know it sounds so New Age-y, but there's sooooo much value in getting time alone to ponder and just breathe sans pressure or company. In college, I was good about setting aside Friday nights for me time, but these days it's rare. In fact, I blame my snoozing addiction on this. That quiet time before I'm out of bed seems to be the only time I get to myself all day, but indulging in snoozing just makes me start the day rushed. Quality alone time should supplant the snooze. In fact...
Stop snoozing. See above. Addictive! And speaking of addictions...
Give up the Diet Pepsi once and for all. And that goes for all soda, caffeinated or not. Why must flavored, carbonated chemicals be so tasty (but so unhealthy)?! WHY?! Curse you, soda!
Write in my journal weekly. Or at least a few times a month. I tend to blog more than journal, but I also filter what goes on the blog (shocking, right?). So there's a lot of real stuff that doesn't get recorded that should. Although my journals do make for an entertaining read of my dating history, since I somehow manage to get that written down every time. *sigh* Ridiculous girl.
Learn to poach an egg.
Eggs Benedict is sooooo my favorite breakfast EVER, largely because of the buttery goodness of the poached egg. However, that's one cooking technique that intimidates me like no other. I've conquered my abject fear of pie crusts (thanks, Mishy!!!) - it's time to take on the poached egg.
Make the most of my commute. I loooooove music, so I'd much rather tune out to some tunes on the drive home than listen to spoken word. However, I'm spending at least 5-10 hours in my car each week. Just think of all the spiritual nourishment I could digest if I spent at least a few of those drives listening to BYU devotionals, General Conference talks, etc.?!
Run a 5K. And I mean actually run it this time. None of that sissy walking because I woke up on race day with legs made of cement. I still hate running, but I can appreciate its health benefits. And maybe if I persist at it, I'll actually grow to love it.
Channel my inner Annie Oakley.
I'd love to be the kind of woman who is as proficient on the shooting range as she is in the kitchen. Gotta know how to protect myself, after all. The zombies might really come!!!
Whew! Do I ever have my work cut out for me or what?! Should be a fun year, though. And if anyone wants to join me on some of these goals (i.e. traveling, hiking, shooting, running, dancing, etc.), let me know!
Dating is often referred to in terms of "feast" and "famine."
Well, somehow my dating life leapt from the desolate dryness of the Sahara Desert to the lush tropics of the Amazon in the past year.
Since January, I have gone on 16 legitimate dates - which is probably more than the rest of my 13-year dating history combined (excluding group dates and vague "hanging out" relationships). In February I set the goal of going on 30 dates by the time I hit 30, which felt like a major stretch. Now, amazingly, I'm more than halfway there. In the last couple of months, I've averaged a date a weekend as long as I've been in town. From Fictionist concerts in crowded Provo clubs to chic Greek restaurants in Los Angeles's Larchmont Village to floating cucumber boats in a Draper creek, I've enjoyed a wide variety of date experiences with some phenomenally quality men.
Pretty much a miracle, kids.
All too often dating is seen as a "necessary evil" or "means to an end," but I've shifted my outlook in the last year. Dating has taught me fascinating and valuable life lessons - about myself, about gender roles and balance, about the other people, about relationships, etc. It's been so eye opening and just plain amazing, and I've come to genuinely love dating. Sure, it has its share of awkwardness and uncertainty, but it's also a lot of fun.
Here are some of the best lessons I've learned along this journey so far. Please feel free to add in any other great lessons you've found in the comments!!!
Rejection is not a reflection of your value.
How willing are we as humans to hand off our hearts and our self-worth to the judgments of others? It is the silliest thing, really, and yet we all do it - especially in dating. Trust me, I had a loooooong dry spell that involved many tears and anguished questioning of "What is wrong with me?!" And then I had a wonderful breakthrough, reviewing my dating history from a sadder-but-wiser perspective and recognizing that not a single rejection had to do with me.
And I don't mean that in an "I'm perfect" way, either, because I'm not. But it wasn't a judgment on my worth or value. In the most excruciating case, it honestly was just circumstances - and we're still good friends to this day, years after he's married and moved on, for that reason. A couple of my earliest dating disasters were due to immaturity on my part or theirs, but again, that's just a part of life's learning curve. A wonderful piece that ran in the New York Times recently explored this idea - just because things don't work out doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It just means you haven't found the right one yet. End of story.
Guys need to learn how appealing their interest makes them. Seriously. I've heard over and over and over again that guys' fear of rejection holds them back from asking girls out more often than not. I wish they'd take a risk and ask more often, though! John Gray mentions this in his book Mars and Venus on a Date, and I can back it up 110 percent. More than a few of the guys I've gone out with this year weren't guys who caught my eye, but the mere fact that they singled me out as someone to take out had a huge impact. In some cases, it's taken myself or girl friends a few dates to decide we're into the guy - but by the time we make that decision, we're in (and just hope and pray he still is, too!). It's immensely validating to be noticed by a guy, especially a worthwhile one. And, really, who doesn't need a little more validation.
Every. Little. Thing. doesn'tmatter. No one falls for you (or rejects you) based on one single little conversation or thing. It was like a revelation when I realized that with friendships, I don't fret about every single thing I say or do. My friends like me for me in the aggregate, not in the details, y'know? Similarly, people fall in love with the whole of another person - with their essence, not because they sent one word-perfect text or wore just the right thing. There's no need to analyze every gesture, tone, word, etc.
And, hey, we're all human - even a negative interaction could have nothing to do with you. The other person could be sick or having a really bad day or just need a nap. Assume the best about them, and assume they think the best of you. Life is much happier for you and for everyone else when you don't go around trying to read meaning into everything. I also am learning to not stress if there's a fleck of dandruff on my black shirt or if my eyes reject my contacts so I'm in four-eyes mode for the day. In the long run, it's the connection, chemistry, communication, etc. that count.
Honesty is the best policy.
Resist the urge to play games. Yes, there is such a thing as "playing the game" in a positive sense - meaning that you don't lay all of your cards on the table upfront and that you maintain some sense of mystery to keep the other person interested.
But there's a huge difference between that and scheming in the name of attracting someone's attention. Ploys and tricks don't show cleverness - they show a lack of confidence! You - by yourself - are valid and worthy of that cute guy/girl's attention. Believe that, and it will radiate - and that radiance will draw him/her in 100 times better than any ploy ever will.
Also, don't be afraid to be up front. I learned this the hard way recently. A guy asked me three or four times if I planned to go to a football game, and I purposefully remained vague - wanting to leave the space for him to step in and ask me to go with him. Totally backfired. He ended up being sick and unable to go, but he might have assumed that I had other friends I could go to this with (I didn't). So instead of making it clear that my priority was him, not the football game (since we all know I don't actually care about sports), I missed out on seeing him again (and making my interest level clear). Oh well - lesson learned for next time!
You can't read minds, so don't waste the energy trying.
There is absolutely no way to know what's on the other side of the equation. Even if you ask, the other party may try to save face and not be entirely honest. One of the best dates I had this year was with a guy I'd liked for months - and later found out that he wasn't even interested in me! He'd asked me out because he'd heard I was into him, and he wanted to see if there was something he was missing in his lack of interest. After that experience - complete with dashed hopes and expectations - I learned to stop assuming interest in either direction. Really, you can worry 'til you go crazy about what they're thinking - but it's more productive to stop and focus on what you're thinking of them. After all, that's all you can control, and it's pretty danged important. And empowering.
Stop rewinding the tape. Dating is not football, and you don't need to analyze the proverbial "game tape" of each date and interaction. As John Bytheway says in his "What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single," you can replay the mental tape of a date and read it as positive or negative, all depending upon which parts you focus on. Totally reminds me of the Reese Witherspoon-Mark Ruffalo movie Just Like Heaven - the ending involves a montage of the best parts of the protagonists' romance (starts at 1:30):
In an alternate joke ending, the filmmakers made a similar highlights reel of the awkward, awful moments in the relationship, with the couple opting to part ways instead:
So hilarious - and also so true to life.
Learn to be interested - but not invested. It is a fine line to walk, but it's doable. There's nothing wrong about having genuine interest in someone, but make sure that the interest is in them, not in who you're projecting them to be. That absolutely requires letting things unfold in the process of time without making hasty decisions in either direction. Be open either way, and also accept that the other person is in that same decision-making mode - which means that the scales could tip in your favor just as easily as they could tip toward rejection.
That's why it's vital to maintain interest but hold back on pouring your heart and soul into anything too soon. Your heart is worthy of so much more. Also, that whole rejection process is messy for all involved - but if they're not interested and you're not all that invested, then it's a lot easier to say "Hmmm, bummer" and move along with your life than if you poured emotional energy into someone who didn't deserve or welcome it.
Oh, and while we're at it...
Crushes are a complete and total waste of time.
Last year I'd had a huuuuuuge crush on this guy I barely knew. One conversation with him before, and I'd been hooked - and subsequently so disappointed when he started dating someone else. Lo and behold, we reconnected this year and have gone out a couple of times. I've had a great time with him, but I also knew pretty quickly that there wasn't a whole lot of potential. He's a great guy - there's just a lack of a spark and some other things that don't fit for me, and I realize how futile it was to get all giddy about him before. I was giddy about who I thought he was, not who he really is, and that's not at all fair to him.
And whatever you do...
Avoid the impulse to think someone is "perfect." Otherwise you are setting both of you up for some serious disappointment and disillusionment. Perfection is a lot of pressure to live up to, since no one's actually capable of attaining it. Someone might be a great fit for you, but that doesn't mean they're a perfect person. Besides, it's way more fun to be cherished and cuddled up in someone's arms than to be admired on a cold, lonely pedestal.
Last night I launched Operation: Meet People. A friend and I went to Utah Young Republicans, hoping to meet some folks. It was... ummm... interesting. Neither as "young" nor as dateable as I'd hoped (although the lecture was fascinating). At least I've kicked off this new phase, getting out there and broadening my social network. (The IRL one. Not the online one.) Having finally blossomed, late bloomer that I am, I am ready to take the world by storm. Question is, where does one begin such a project - especially while living in the Beehive State?
For context...
When I lived in Orange County, I felt like I could never measure up to the standard of apparent awesomeness around me.
The singles scene there was filled with BEAUTIFUL people, pulled together so wonderfully that they could've stepped off of the pages of an Anthropologie catalog. Heck, some of them actually were models. These Orange County native children (including some to whom I'm lucky enough to be related) are of a unique breed - effortlessly cool, confident and radiant. They know just how to pose in every picture, take trips around the globe, live in gorgeous apartments, party on yachts. They listen to indie bands I've never heard of, meet their soulmates through online dating reality series, and pull off color combinations I would never even imagine on my most daring fashion day.
And while I call them friends and think they are just darling and wonderful, that vibe just was never me. I went to the parties sometimes... but always felt like the frizzy-haired country bumpkin. It isn't like I was invited for pity's sake, but still... I'd come but feel overshadowed, always more comfortable to be helping in the kitchen than actually participating in the fun, more like some sort of a third-party observer than part of the crew. Oh, how I wished so much that I could be, but the inner nerd somehow kept an arm's length from believing I could be part of the beautiful crowd.
After all, I grew up with more books than friends. (Really.) And in ill-fitting hand-me-downs, to boot. Bless her heart, but my mother never bothered to teach me really anything... about fashion... dating... confidence. I didn't even know what conditioner was for until living with my dad and stepmom at 13. (Poor Betsy. Her stepchildren were practically feral, raised by wolves.) You can't teach what you don't know, so I'm sure my mother did her best, paltry as it may have been. But in so many ways, I am who I am today only thanks to patient, helpful friends, my years at BYU, and the process of time.
For better or worse, I am a late bloomer. But I've finally bloomed.
And I lament that the blooming had to finally come while in Utah. I've grown by leaps and bounds in the past year or two, shedding those insecurities I'd maintained in California, achieving serious professional success and all the confidence that comes as a by-product. And beyond the professional, I've been able to do so many cool things and stretch my talents and abilities in the last few years, believing that, really, there is nothing I can't do if I'm willing to put in the time and effort. (Which is the key, i.e. running. Wasn't totally willing to do all that was necessary there, but round two begins Monday, and let's hope it's better than last year's venture!) That confidence radiates, apparently, because the gal I see in the mirror is so much prettier than I ever remember her being in Orange County.
After taking a breather from the social scene for the better part of a year (left behind my Lehi crew after moving, spent much of the summer traveling, got busy with politics in the fall, kept busy with the holidays, and then went into GRE study mode for the last two months), I am more than ready to jump back into the social fray. I moved to Utah somewhat depleted - now I'm more whole than I've ever been, brimming with enthusiasm, energy, optimism and confidence. Life is amazing, and everyone has a story to tell. I am so ready to meet some amazing people, make interesting friends, get out on the town and thrive.
But, friends, where do I even begin?Eighteen months down the road I turn 30, and I want to do so "flirty and thriving," for lack of a better tagline. Meeting people is my top social priority right now, and I'm all about friends and quantity - but not lacking quality, either. The Utah scene I've run across thus far just isn't me. Not good, not bad - just not me.
I've been in the fun crowd, social for social's sake. It bored me. There has to be more common ground than belonging in the same ward. I need people who are on the same page - or can at least hold a quality discussion - regarding interests like art, politics, literature, understanding and deconstructing the world. I need that intellectual angle. I gobbled up every second of Sundance week because it put me with the Utah hipsters. I might not be a hipster, but I enjoy the vibe apart from the Utah usual. Short of hitting up the BYU scene, where do I connect with those types? Do I dare try to link into the BYU set? If I could connect with older BYU friends, perhaps - I might be a Cougar, but I'm not that kind of cougar, if you catch my drift. ;)
Also on the agenda so far is attending Institute in Sandy and trying out the ward in which I live (instead of the SoJo one I attend). But beyond this, I need to tap into my network, friends. If you know of anything going on in the area, do tell! I'm open to all thoughts. What is the LDS equivalent of the bar scene?!I just need to meet engaging, likeminded people with whom I can enjoy all the fun out there to be had.
So... I never blogged up my Utah trip, did I? (Or my Arizona trip, for that matter - sheesh! What is wrong with me?!
Well, I just discovered the awesomeness of Picasa, so here's a little teaser from my Utah trip. I went on some pretty awesome trips in 2008, and I think the Utah trip is the only one I blogged (since I wasn't blogging yet when I went to San Fran). So, I may have to do a year's travel-in-review kind of recap soon... but not tonight. For now, enjoy!
That pretty much sums up my day yesterday, when eight of my friends and I ventured beyond the Orange Curtain into L.A. to see Wicked, followed by dinner at the delightful Farmer's Market at Third and Fairfax.
At the risk of sounding hyperbolic, I really would not be exaggerating to say it was one of the best days of my year! Anyone who knows me knows I'm in love with musical theater - seeing a show enlivens my soul in an intangible way I just can't describe. It's my favorite, favorite thing in the world - and Wicked is my favorite play, to boot! And I have delightful friends. Really. They're wonderful. So combining so many favorites into one day, I was in a state of rapture and joy. A few in our group were first-timers, and I'm happy to report that they loved the play, too.
Plus, as a native Los Angelena, my pulse always races a little faster in my City of Angels. I looooove it!!! I've grown a little OC'ified and agree that it's dirty and crowded... but, still, it's where I was raised, where my parents were raised. It's home, and a piece of my heart will always reside up there. Being in L.A. always brings a grin to my face - especially when it involves doing something related to arts, culture and anything uniquely L.A. I love that city!
And guess whose star we passed on our way in?
The LOVE of my LIFE!!! *sigh*
Yesterday was my third time seeing Wicked at the Pantages. I've loved it both other times, but this cast was especially amazing! They added such emotional depth to everything. It was the same actor playing Fiyero as when I saw the national tour in 2005 - Derrick Williams - and I really enjoy how he plays the role. The Elphaba - who, oddly enough, is named Teal! - had an amazing voice. I would give up my first-born to sing like that! Okay, probably not... but, wow, to sing like that! I can't even imagine. If I had a voice like that, I would sing all the time, just to listen to myself. Well... more than I already do that. :)
A few in our group were first-timers, and I'm happy to report that they loved the play, too. During intermission we all needed a stretch break, so we congregated for a little photo shoot in the stair landing above the lobby.
Here are some of my favorites:
Isn't the Pantages gorgeous?! We were more than happy to lend it some of our beauty. :)
I'm trying to help Cort smile for the camera, since apparently he doesn't know how to do so on his own - he's always making a face! It reminds me of Brandon, for you La Crescentans. So annoying!I love the art-deco styling - it's like stepping into the 1920s!
So... you're not supposed to take pictures inside the theater, but I couldn't resist. Check out the amazing ceiling!
And here are a couple of shots of the stage - my flash went off for the picture below, and yes, I got busted by an usher. Whatever. It was so worth it!
After the play we shot over to the Farmer's Market, a little L.A. gem to which my stepmom introduced me a few years ago - and I've been back many a time since! I love it.
I did learn, however, that I've always been smart to park in the structure at The Grove next door - parking for the Farmer's Market is a mess! Aubrey hopped out to direct traffic so we could finally get a spot. Classic.
Here's another great Aubrey moment - a little exchange during dinner:
ME: I am so content, I could die a happy woman, here and now!
LAURA: You'd better not - how would we get home?
AUBREY: No worries, I know where her keys are.
Yup. I love my friends.
Anyways, Farmer's Market - there's just about every kind of food imagineable in the little restaurant booths. People in our group ordered Korean BBQ, Brazilian BBQ (a la Tucanos or Rodizio Grill), middle-eastern cuisine, Mexican food and good ol' Southern Cajun cooking (I highly recommend the blackened catfish - yum-o!). And, of course, we had to stop at Littlejohn's for toffee - best in the world!
Aubrey and Laura dig into their Brazilian grub - although I think Aubs really just wanted to dig into the Brazilian at the restaurant...
Dawn and Cort - see what I mean about his inability to smile for the camera? Oh well, at least Dawn looks hot. That roommate of mine sure knows how to work the camera!
I swear, food always tastes better with awesome friends!
Jason and Heather - yeeeeeah... don't mess with Heather when she's eating! ;)
The blonde brigade - Heather and Elizabeth
We noticed these wavy people on the restroom signs - did they have a little too much to drink or what?!
So, that's the dish on our delightful day. If you ever get the opportunity to see Wicked, GO! You won't regret it! (Tabitha tells me it's headed to Utah in April, FYI...)
