The Writings of the Author as a Young Woman

Actual home of my Jensen great-great-grandparents in Brigham City. It's supposed to be the house in the book, but... let's just say I took liberties with when it was built.

When I was 13, I lived in Utah during its centennial. One of our class projects for my fabulous English/history class was to write a story about Utah history (preferably about our own ancestors). While unpacking boxes in my office tonight, I found my book and thought it'd be fun to transcribe the text. Kind of a fun stroll down memory lane. The fact that the book is dedicated to my grandma, who is one of my favorite folks in the world and who won't be here much longer, makes it all the more tender. 

The story's not perfect by any means -- the ending is pretty rushed, the likely result of perpetual Christa procrastination, and the development needs work -- but it's not half bad! Makes me wonder what I could've accomplished if I'd pursued writing more. "But Christa," you say, "you are a writer. Professionally. For a decade now, hon." To which I say... sure... but... as a trade. Not for creativity's sake. We've discussed this before. There's a difference. Still... time to finally write that book, methinks.

To let you in on a little running gag... my grandmother is descended from two lines of Jensens. So the guy that Emma's family keeps trying to push at her is actually another one of my ancestors, too, just on the other side. 

Also, fun fact: researching this book was the first time I ever went on the interwebs!!! I distinctly remember the librarian taking me to a small computer lab and showing me this newfangled World Wide Web circa 1996. In fact, I still remember how the webpage about the Brigham City Co-op looked!

And now, without further adieu... in unedited, 13-year-old Christa prose...

Emma

by Christa Jeanne [Last Name]

I dedicate this book to my wonderful grandmother, Doris Elaine Jensen [Last Name], who helped me so much with ideas and took me on a historical tour for illustrations. Thanks for the fun day!

*   *   *

"Emma! Eh-maah!" The exasperated cry rang throughout the newly built brick house. "Emma Lovisa Jensen, come here right now!"

The wedding bells that were ringing in Emma's mind quickly faded as her daydream stopped soddenly. "Coming, Mother," she replied. An embroidery needle pricked her index finger as she hastily set the white handkerchief down. "Ow!" Emma cried out in pain as she hurried to get a bandage of some sort. She wrapped a strip of tan linen around the bleeding fingertip. "Yes, mama?"

"Emma," Valana Jensen asked her daughter, "would you please go to the general store and buy a pound of sugar?" As soon as Em's mouth opened in protest, Lana hurried on. "We're having company for tea. Elder Snow and Sister Snow will be here, so I was planning to fix kringle, but there is no more sugar. Ask that Isaac Jensen to carry them home for you. He is so nice," she barely finished. Emma rolled her eyes. Lana just handed her daughter a dollar bill. "Oh, Em, could you pick up a newspaper? Your father wants to see who the new President is. Good ol' U.S. Grant was running." Sighing, she entered the kitchen. The smell of sweet cake dough and chopped nuts filled the air. "Emma just isn't interested in getting married like Belana, is she, Abby?" she asked the golden retriever. Abby just wagged her golden-gray tail sympathetically.

*   *   *

Emma sighed as she bought the pound of sugar. Why didn't Mother think that she couldn't find someone to marry. Besides, she was only sixteen and Brigham City was full of guys. Anyway, everyone knew that Isaac liked Lenora Hansen. Just because Belana was getting married didn't mean that Emma was ready to get married. She paid for the sugar and left the store. Oh, well. Emma began humming the wedding march as she exited. If only she could find the right guy --

"Ugh!" Emma pushed her reddish-brown hair out of her face and looked up from the pavement. The sugar was safe and sound in its bag. Next tot he bad was one hand. Emma followed the arm that was connected to the hand.

Another hand was extended to her. She took the hand and rose. Rising, Emma, followed the hand to an arm and then to a face. A handsome face. 

"I'm sorry," the person said apologetically. "My name is Brigham. Brigham Andersen."

"Hello. I am Emma Jensen," she said softly. Her heart fluttered.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Jensen," Brigham said politely. He picked up the bag of sugar and walked, following Emma's lead. She walked up the street, blushing. Her blue eyes met his. She was so busy watching Brigham instead of the street that she walked straight into Aunt Mary Maria, affectionately known as Aunt Ryer.

"Hello, I mean, good morning, Aunt Mary Maria," Emma said timidly.

"You needn't be so formal, Emma. We are not at a formal affair, are we?" Aunt Ryer said crisply. "Should not you be hurrying along. Elder and Sister Snow are joining us for tea. So is Brother M.C. Jensen. I hear that he has a fine son, Isaac." Emma laughed, in spite of herself. Aunt Ryer left as they approached Emma's house. Brigham stepped inside at Emma's invitation. His curly brown hair was tangled from the breeze outside.

"May I call on you tomorrow?" he asked.

"Umm, uh, sure," Emma dreamily whispered. His brown eyes twinkled as he left. She went back inside and ran to her room to change for tea. As Emma raced up the stairs, she nearly tripped over Abby. She just looked up at Emma. Emma smiled, scratched behind Abby's ear, and went to Belana's room. Belana was sitting on her bed, monogramming her trousseau. Her brown curls fell down her back. "Bel," asked Emma, "can I borrow your midnight blue satin?"

"Mm-hmm," Belana answered dreamily. Emma was amazed. Bel never let anyone touch that dress. Emma just grabbed the dress and hurried before Bel could change her mind. After she changed, she pulled up her hair and sighed. Brigham was so sweet, but did he like her? Maybe. If only they could go to some sort of a--

"An ice cream social!" exclaimed Elder Snow. Lorenzo Snow was a short man with wire-framed glasses that always slipped down his nose. "That's a magnificent idea, Brother Jensen. What do you think, M.C.?" he asked. One wiry white hair stuck straight up from his head. When they saw Emma, the men were very secretive about the social. Hmmm, thought Emma. A social! That's just the thing. But how to get him to ask? That was the question. Emma hurried to help her mother in the kitchen. The traditional Danish kringle was finished. The house smelled of cinnamon and spice. Emma cut the kringle and dished it up. As she served it to her brothers and sisters, she laughed. Her brothers were dressed in their Sunday clothes, which they all despised. The eldest brother, Thomas, who was twelve, had his unruly black hair slicked back. Little Andrew, who was only two, had his messy blond hair parted down the middle. He beamed angelically. Little Hiram Jr. was wearing shoes that were two sizes  too big, but no one would notice. It was hilarious!

After tea, six of the nine children ran outside to play with Aunt Ryer in hot pursuit. The men went into the study to discuss plans for "a secret." Mother, Belana, and Susanna, the fourteen-year-old, went into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Emma went outside to the porch and sat on the porchswing that Father had built with Thomas the summer before. The sunset lit up the sky and set clouds on fire. Emma just sat there and smiled. It was wonderful. It reminded her of Brigham.

*   *   *

Emma took her hair out from the curlers that Belana had put in her hair. She was just barely finished when Abby ran into the room and tugged at Emma's dress. A wave of fear washed over her. "What's wrong, girl?" she gently asked. Abby dragged her downstairs to the kitchen. Mother was just lying there, lifeless. Emma screamed a blood-curdling scream. "Belana! Aunt Ryer! Susie! Somebody, HELP!!"

Emma ran down the street, hair flying, as she ran to Doc Marten's house and pounded on the door. When the doctor answered, she grabbed his arm and ran back home. She led Doc to her mother's body. Little Andrew was crying with Lena, the four-year-old. Doc just sat there, trying to figure out what had happened.

Doc Marten said that she had had a stroke. That now Mama's left side would be partially paralyzed. She could walk, with a cane. Doc said that we were lucky she wasn't badly hurt. Lucky, huh. "I don't think we're all that lucky," grumbled William, the six-year-old.

"Me too," whined Hannah, the eight-year-old. Emma just sighed. Now what, she wondered. Mama was okay, but she couldn't go to the social now. Not with mother in the bad shape she was in. Belana had gone to the social with George. How shallow. What a lack of emotion! Brigham would be here any --

Knock, knock! Now Brig was here. What should she tell him? She opened the door. There was Brigham, holding a dozen daisies. "Well, Cinderella, shall we go to the ball?" he asked. She looked down and blushed. Her feet were bare and she was wearing an old gray wool dress.

"Um, Brigham, I can't go." He looked crestfallen. The daisies hung limply from his hand. My mother had a stroke and so I really need to stay with her." Emma lightly put a hand on his arm. "Maybe we can go to see the joining of the rails. It's in two weeks. I'm sorry."

Brigham looked up and forced a disappointed smile. "That's okay," he said as he handed Emma the flowers. "I'm sorry too."

*   *   *

"Wow," Hiram Jr. cried excitedly as the golden spike was tapped into the laurelwood tie. Brigham and Emma just smiled at each other. Now Mother knew that Emma wanted to get married. Father hugged Mother as she hobbled forward on her cane. Emma smiled. Things can turn out well, with a little sugar.

About the Author

Christa Jeanne [Last Name] was born on 30 August 1982, in La Crescenta, California. She grew up in Glendale and La Crescenta, both in California. At age 13, she moved. She currently lives in Provo, Utah, with her father, step-mother, 15-year-old brother, and three cats: Anita, Maria, and Angus. Christa is a bookworm and an avid photographer. She loves cats, dogs, and the Beatles. She hopes to write another book soon.

Defining Moments

Earlier today, I read this article about how a simple choice to head down a floor made the difference between being a victim or survivor to the World Trade Center tragedy. A quote in the piece is particularly chilling:

"Seemingly insignificant decisions a person made that day determined whether they lived or died. It's still something that's a bit hard to fully come to terms with."

This made me think of my own life. What split-second decisions have made a huge, life-shifting impact? Certainly nothing's been life or death, but there have been majorly disruptive moments, and it's funny to see the ripple effect these words and actions can have. Misjudging the distance between my moving van and the carport by a matter of inches cost me $300+ to repair, for instance - and the damage hit in a second. Boggles the mind.

Back in the spring, the wonderful guy I was dating felt the need to take a step back. His reasons were legitimate and, really, had little/nothing to do with me - but, being inexperienced and insecure, I let my tongue get away from me. In one sentence, I swiftly destroyed the immense potential that was there. In the moment, I didn't realize how huge a deal it was. It wasn't until I saw friends' reactions when I told them what had happened to the relationship - "You... actually said that to him?!" - that the reality of my mistake sunk in. It's haunted me daily ever since - this Sondheim piece aptly sums it up (and the plot of the show from which it originates actually examines the whole idea of defining moments, too):



You know what I love, though? My story isn't over yet. It's still in the process of being written. I don't know how it will end, ultimately, and regardless the outcome, things do work out, even if we fumble and misstep in the moment. I've seen so many split-second mistakes ultimately result in happily ever after. Not without tears and heartbreak and time, of course - but, in the end, things work out. They always, always do.

Sometimes the missteps are a matter of life or death. A moment's misjudgment behind the wheel killed a close friend and her father several years ago, drastically affecting many, many lives in an instant. I watched from a close observation point as her fiance and family grieved and dealt with the aftermath - but, eventually, they were able to move on. Her mother is happily remarried; her fiance is happily married to an amazing, dear friend of mine, and they have beautiful babies. Life goes on, and the broken pieces fall into place.

Earlier this year I had the blessing of attending a close friend's wedding, and it hit me during the ceremony that I was there because of a broken toe. Don't believe me?

Well, in 8th grade, while living in Utah with my dad, I broke my toe by tripping over home base and falling while playing kickball in my drama class. (Birkenstocks are not an ideal choice of kickball footwear, FYI.) Because of the injury, I left my bike at school - and when we came to pick it up that night, the back tire had been stolen. My dad was not a happy camper, to say the least, and he felt an appropriate punishment for my thoughtlessness was having to miss out on the 8th grade promotion dance. I, in turn, felt this was a gross injustice. After all, it wasn't like I got rid of the tire maliciously. Long story short, a HUGE fight ensued that ended with 13-year-old me shouting "Fine, I want to go live with Mom!" My dad handed me the phone with a warning that if I called her, that was that: one-way ticket back to California, end of story. My mother was one to make threats she didn't back up, and my father wanted to teach me that words carry weight. (Apparently I still need to learn that lesson... but... yeah.)

Although that choice had heart-wrenching consequences, it also led me to the women who are among my closest friends in the world today. Those friendships sustained me through high school, college, and into the present - particularly with those who live in Utah along with me, including the aforementioned bride. And, really, I wouldn't trade the strength or wisdom acquired through the hardship at home for the world. That experience has made me who I am today.

The "what if" moments in life may be haunting - they certainly give gravity to every moment in life - and at the same time, they're not the be-all and end-all. They act as the imperfect cracks that let God's grace shine through. He can bring light and joy into the messes we cause. Sometimes, as the song notes, there really is "hell to pay," but that price can be worth the wisdom and humility earned. We just have to maintain the perspective that, as Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, "The cavity which suffering carves into our souls will one day also be the receptacle of joy." Oh, how sweet that joy will be when we embrace it and let go of the struggle faced in the split-second missteps.

Draper Debrief

I know, I know... when you hear "Draper," you think this - am I right?

When I think Draper, however, I think this:

Tonight is the last night I will for sure be sleeping in my darling lil' room on Hawthorne Hill Lane, and the reality that I will, in fact, be moving in less than 48 hours is setting in. It feels so surreal! Considering how thrilled I've been about the move, I didn't at all anticipate getting sentimental.

But it's me. Duh. Of COURSE I'm going to get all nostalgic and schmaltzy about it, because, hey, that's how I roll.

And so, without further adieu, here's a roundup of favorite Draper moments and things that I will most assuredly miss:

•  Panoramic views of the Salt Lake Valley, especially at night, when the valley - and its many temples - twinkled.
• Living so, so close to the Draper Temple - and enjoying how it came to feel like home. This is the temple in which I did so much work for my own family, and that alone will make it special in my heart forever.

• Being roommates with Christina, my best friend and No. 1 partner-in-crime for the better part of the last eight years. Late-night chats, planning our Christmas parties as only two communications professionals could (think objectives, strategies, branding, identity - yup. We're geeks.), discussing careers, politics, dating, and just about anything and everything under the sun. She's been a wonderful sounding board, especially because we're so different, she's able to open my eyes to points I wouldn't have seen otherwise. I'll miss her no-nonsense counsel and wise perspective, not to mention her just-plain-awesomeness. Oh, and her cookies. Have I mentioned her cookies? Yup. Total selling point.

• My ward, shockingly enough, and my stake. I didn't really connect with it too deeply, but that said, I really do like the people there. I may not have made a lot of lasting friendships from it, but I did get to meet some pretty awesome people, and I looked forward to seeing people each week with whom I may not cross paths again down the road. 
• Cooking in my kitchen! It is, hands down, the most spacious kitchen I've ever had, and it was in this kitchen that I went from being a good cook to becoming a true gourmand, stretching both my repertoire and technique. That space is so chock full of fun moments, from figuring out how to poach an egg or roll a stuffed pork tenderloin to doing A/B testing on everything from mini-French silk pies to oatmeal cookies, to making batch after batch of cookies for people I love. 
• Seeing the friends I did make on a weekly basis. A few people in that ward truly changed my life and touched my heart, reaching out to me in my hardest moments this year. To them, I will be forever grateful, and while I know we will stay in touch, I'll miss seeing their smiling faces so conveniently and frequently.

• Being a hop, skip, and jump away from downtown Salt Lake City, a place I dearly, dearly love.
• Meandering through the old neighborhoods to admire the gorgeous historic homes and appreciating the lovely architecture as well as the lives of the people who built them forever ago
• Gazing at the stars from Suncrest, pondering the beauty of the heavens.
• Calling my darling yellow townhouse home. It's been a good place, and I will forever cherish the memories associated with it - including the difficult ones, for they brought about so much growth and wisdom that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Thanks for the memories, Draper. Oh, well, it was swell while it lasted...

2011: A Year in Review

Ringing in 2011 with the Davis clan in Provo - can't believe that was a year ago!

Hey, friends! Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to all of you! 2011 has been quite an incredible year. In many ways it's been "the best of times and the worst of times," filled with amazing adventures and the realization of long-held dreams as well as some heartbreaking disappointments. I've also been a sidelines observer to some amazing triumphs and hard times friends have experienced, and the resilience of the human spirit never ceases to amaze. I'm no doubt a better, stronger, and more authentic woman than I was when the year kicked off in January, and I can't wait to see what further growth 2012 will bring.

Anyways. On to the fun stuff. Here are some highlights from the past year:

• 16,250 miles traveled on 10 trips to/through 9 states and 1 Canadian province - and that doesn't include many trips along the Wasatch Front to Layton, Logan, and the like (which, on days like today, tack on 200 miles!). This year I journeyed to San Francisco, Capitol Reef, Glacier/Waterton/Banff/Calgary, Yellowstone/Island Park, Denver, Savannah/Atlanta, and Southern California times four (but at least to varying parts - L.A., Orange County, and San Diego). For the record, I miss Savannah and/or Banff on a near-daily basis. And I LOVE that I can say that I miss places like Savannah and Banff. Jet-setting has been a blast!



• 18 plays, 20 concerts, and 4 Sundance Film Festival flicks thoroughly enjoyed. There's such a vibrant scene of local performing arts talent around here, it's awesome!!! Those concerts range from local bands in block parties, clubs, and even their parents' homes to choirs like OCMCO or the Mormon Tabernacle in concert halls to the Pacific Symphony playing the 1812 Overture in the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater while visiting Orange County; the plays range from Broadway tours and professional companies to very, very amateur local productions. Professional or amateur, I've loved them all!



Rosie and I got to meet Kevin Clash, the man behind Elmo!


Photo snagged from Justin Hackworth


Photo snagged from Hue & Hum - see my shoulder in the tan jacket on the left?
• Oh, and let's not forget taking the stage for 1 amazing, technicolor production and 2 performances at Temple Square during the Christmas season with the Lehi Chorale. Wish I had bandwidth to do more! Can't wait to start voice lessons next week and dive into next summer's show in the spring.


• 21 dates with 12 amazing men, ranging in age from 25 to 43, with 1 more date (with possibly 1 more guy) slated for the weekend... but still 0 relationships to show for it (despite getting the label of "wifeypoo" from this summer's stage hubster). All this dating's exhausting! But I'd rather be dating than not, so... it's worth it. I've really enjoyed getting to know these guys, but I'm still definitely not used to interacting with guys I know strictly in the dating sense (as opposed to my former normal of going on dates with guys who were friends first). It's a learning process, that's for sure. Better late than never!
• 3 roommates and 2 wards, despite not moving an inch (which was LOVELY, considering I moved three times from Nov. 2009 to Sept. 2010!)
• 1 royal wedding viewed with 2 lovely friends at 3:30 a.m. via streaming internet - and yes, many happy tears were shed. Love Wills and Kate!


• 3 speeding tickets - I know, I know, slooooooow doooooooown...
• 5 temples visited, including many a trip to the temples in Newport Beach and Draper, lest this list seem all vapid and ridiculous. I wish I could've actually gone in and spent time at the Cardston Temple, but it didn't work with the travel schedule. Ah, well - maybe next time. I can't wait to add the Brigham City temple to the list next year, and the Fort Collins, Colorado, temple soon as well!

• 30 lbs. lost... but let's not talk about how many came back from 7 boxes of Candy Cane Joe-Joe's, mmmmmkay? ;) Hitting the gym again tomorrow... *sigh*

• 1 promotion at work and a 2-year work-iversary celebrated - hooray for finally finding a job into which I can settle and stay put! 
  
• 3 sections of the GRE passed with flying colors, and 1 Utah State University class toward my masters completed with an A! Just 10 more classes to go...

WHEW!!! What a year! 

Just flipping through my planner to recap makes me exhausted. It's been an intense year, but wow, it's been such a blast. Being too busy has been great in some ways because it's made me evaluate how I'm spending my energy, and there are certain things that just plain aren't worth it. If it means dropping some relationships, sadly, so be it - much like Elphaba sings in"Defying Gravity,"

I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try, I'll never know.

Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost - 

Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost! 

I'd sooner buy defying gravity.

Amen and amen! My theme and goal for 2012 is to truly defy gravity - to stop imposing silly limits on myself, being hemmed in and held back by insecurities lacking in any real basis other than falsehoods that got drilled into me over the years by people who should've complimented instead of criticized, myself included. Why I let such negativity seep in over the years, I'll never know - but now that I see it, I can make the future better, and that's what really matters, right?

Anyways... that's my adventure from this year. I can't wait to see the exciting things 2012 will bring!!! 

How about you, friends? Any fun journeys taken or lessons learned in 2011?

A Love Letter for the Beehive State

Dear Utah,

A couple of months ago, after an all-too-delightful trip home, I started to pen you this letter:

I don't know how to tell you this, but... I think we need to see other people. I'm just not ready for exclusivity with you yet. You see, I do love you - but I'm not in love with you.

This weekend I spent some time with my ex, California, and... well... all these feelings came rushing back. I'd forgotten what a warm, breezy relationship that was. I know there's been heat between us in the past, but things have been so cold and downright icy lately. I just had forgotten what it's like to spend time with such a sunny personality.

Clever, right? But I was wrong. So wrong.

In the last several weeks, I've fallen in love with you all over again. I've started thinking about our illustrious past together, from those all-too-awkward (yet immensely formative) middle school days to the unabashed awesomeness of BYU (which I started with moving into Shipp Hall 11 years ago today - can you believe it?!). Surprising to say that in the almost-16 years of our on-again, off-again relationship, I've spent almost as much time "on" with you as I've spent with California. You've been so good to me, and I'm sorry that I've been so lukewarm during this latest go.

In my defense, this round got off to a rough start, but wow... lately... things are electric! I've enjoyed seeing new facets of your personality, from the rugged strength and formidable beauty witnessed on our recent weekend getaway to Capitol Reef to spicy new adventures at the Red Iguana - and it's only June! There's a whole lot of summer to enjoy together - Farmer's Markets in downtown Salt Lake City, pool parties and Seven Peaks days aplenty, outdoor concerts in the balmy warmth of Utah's summer evenings, camping, camping and more camping...

You have so, so much to offer - I'm sorry that I just didn't give you a fair chance at first, figuring I knew what I was dealing with upon our reconciliation. Truth is, I ought to know better than to judge or categorize anyone or anything upon first glance. There's always much more depth and possibility beneath the surface if one takes the time to uncover it.

And, really, we have so many tender memories together - first kiss (10 years ago!), first heartbreak (which, in hindsight, was sooooo not a big deal - but at 18, everything is a big deal!), forging amazing friendships that last to the present day, gobbling up each educational opportunity like a starving waif, graduating after many all-nighters and last-minute cram sessions. My life really, truly began at BYU. It was when I finally burst free of my fetters and spread my wings, when I broke through the limiting cocoon of childhood and soared as a butterfly, flitting through the ups and downs of those early adult years.

A hall at Farrer Middle School that no longer exists - my old school's been bulldozed this summer! Sadness!

Oh, and let's not overlook the magnitude of our first round together in middle school, a time that's been on my mind a lot lately (seeing as I work with two classmates from that year). How many 13-year-olds have the fortitude to tell a bad parent that they're done putting up with that crap - only to flee for refuge and find they've jumped from the frying pan into the fire? But that year was the best of times along with the worst of times in so many ways. That's when I became a Latter-day Saint, embracing the faith that defines me so much. That's when I was able to break away from the reputations of childhood and forge a new beginning, to strengthen ties with myself, independent from parents and peers. Was it fun? No, not really - but would I trade it for anything? Never, ever, ever. It made me who I am today, for it's in those most difficult moments that character develops and grows. That kind of dividend is worth every investment of blood, sweat and tears paid. Thank you for always being so good to me, letting me lean on the proverbial shoulder of your majestic mountains. The sight of Timpanogos will forever be one of refuge and peace to my heart.

I'm still not sure if I'm ready for a permanent commitment, Utah - but I am ready for exclusivity. It's time. I look forward to exploring the possibilities of this relationship, digging layer by layer into just how amazing you are. Let's have fun this summer, shall we?

Much love,

Christa Jeanne

Confessions of a Late Bloomer

Last night I launched Operation: Meet People. A friend and I went to Utah Young Republicans, hoping to meet some folks. It was... ummm... interesting. Neither as "young" nor as dateable as I'd hoped (although the lecture was fascinating). At least I've kicked off this new phase, getting out there and broadening my social network. (The IRL one. Not the online one.) Having finally blossomed, late bloomer that I am, I am ready to take the world by storm. Question is, where does one begin such a project - especially while living in the Beehive State?

For context...

When I lived in Orange County, I felt like I could never measure up to the standard of apparent awesomeness around me.

The singles scene there was filled with BEAUTIFUL people, pulled together so wonderfully that they could've stepped off of the pages of an Anthropologie catalog. Heck, some of them actually were models. These Orange County native children (including some to whom I'm lucky enough to be related) are of a unique breed - effortlessly cool, confident and radiant. They know just how to pose in every picture, take trips around the globe, live in gorgeous apartments, party on yachts. They listen to indie bands I've never heard of, meet their soulmates through online dating reality series, and pull off color combinations I would never even imagine on my most daring fashion day.

And while I call them friends and think they are just darling and wonderful, that vibe just was never me. I went to the parties sometimes... but always felt like the frizzy-haired country bumpkin. It isn't like I was invited for pity's sake, but still... I'd come but feel overshadowed, always more comfortable to be helping in the kitchen than actually participating in the fun, more like some sort of a third-party observer than part of the crew. Oh, how I wished so much that I could be, but the inner nerd somehow kept an arm's length from believing I could be part of the beautiful crowd.

After all, I grew up with more books than friends. (Really.) And in ill-fitting hand-me-downs, to boot. Bless her heart, but my mother never bothered to teach me really anything... about fashion... dating... confidence. I didn't even know what conditioner was for until living with my dad and stepmom at 13. (Poor Betsy. Her stepchildren were practically feral, raised by wolves.) You can't teach what you don't know, so I'm sure my mother did her best, paltry as it may have been. But in so many ways, I am who I am today only thanks to patient, helpful friends, my years at BYU, and the process of time.

For better or worse, I am a late bloomer. But I've finally bloomed.

And I lament that the blooming had to finally come while in Utah. I've grown by leaps and bounds in the past year or two, shedding those insecurities I'd maintained in California, achieving serious professional success and all the confidence that comes as a by-product. And beyond the professional, I've been able to do so many cool things and stretch my talents and abilities in the last few years, believing that, really, there is nothing I can't do if I'm willing to put in the time and effort. (Which is the key, i.e. running. Wasn't totally willing to do all that was necessary there, but round two begins Monday, and let's hope it's better than last year's venture!) That confidence radiates, apparently, because the gal I see in the mirror is so much prettier than I ever remember her being in Orange County.

After taking a breather from the social scene for the better part of a year (left behind my Lehi crew after moving, spent much of the summer traveling, got busy with politics in the fall, kept busy with the holidays, and then went into GRE study mode for the last two months), I am more than ready to jump back into the social fray. I moved to Utah somewhat depleted - now I'm more whole than I've ever been, brimming with enthusiasm, energy, optimism and confidence. Life is amazing, and everyone has a story to tell. I am so ready to meet some amazing people, make interesting friends, get out on the town and thrive.

But, friends, where do I even begin? Eighteen months down the road I turn 30, and I want to do so "flirty and thriving," for lack of a better tagline. Meeting people is my top social priority right now, and I'm all about friends and quantity - but not lacking quality, either. The Utah scene I've run across thus far just isn't me. Not good, not bad - just not me.

I've been in the fun crowd, social for social's sake. It bored me. There has to be more common ground than belonging in the same ward. I need people who are on the same page - or can at least hold a quality discussion - regarding interests like art, politics, literature, understanding and deconstructing the world. I need that intellectual angle. I gobbled up every second of Sundance week because it put me with the Utah hipsters. I might not be a hipster, but I enjoy the vibe apart from the Utah usual. Short of hitting up the BYU scene, where do I connect with those types? Do I dare try to link into the BYU set? If I could connect with older BYU friends, perhaps - I might be a Cougar, but I'm not that kind of cougar, if you catch my drift. ;)

Also on the agenda so far is attending Institute in Sandy and trying out the ward in which I live (instead of the SoJo one I attend). But beyond this, I need to tap into my network, friends. If you know of anything going on in the area, do tell! I'm open to all thoughts. What is the LDS equivalent of the bar scene?!I just need to meet engaging, likeminded people with whom I can enjoy all the fun out there to be had.

On Cocoons, Roots and Wings

Photo by nickso

Well, friends, I'm sad to say that I missed my hot date with Errol Flynn tonight. In trying to finish a project at work, I got to the BYU library too late - I wasn't actually late to the screening, but the theater had already filled. Sad day!

Dejectedly, I drowned my sorrows in some Creamery chocolate milk and a mint brownie (of course) - while taking a lovely little nighttime stroll around my alma mater.

Being back around BYU has been a funny experience for me since leaving six years ago. As I've mentioned before, every square inch of that campus is crammed full of some memory for me. "There's the hill where I had a DTR with my First Kiss after he ripped my heart from my chest and did a flamenco on it. It was so rewarding to stand up for myself in that situation!" (For the record, First Kiss and I are still good friends - in hindsight, it wasn't that bad... but at 18, it felt like the WORLD, y'know?)

"That's the lawn where I studied for my San Francisco class - with my toes entwined in the grass, of course, feeling a little like a hippie at heart."

"Here's the route I loved to take between classes the year I liked the basketball star because our paths always crossed that way - not that he ever noticed, of course."

"It was while reading in this spot with Cute Humanities Boy that he mentioned he had a girlfriend. Oh, how devastating it was to see him the next fall and he was married!"

And the list goes on.

For years, this emotional barrage was so overwhelming, it made me dread campus visits. While it was fun to catch up with friends there while I was in town, somehow it always hurt deeply. I was so immensely happy during my college years. Sure, there were difficulties, but BYU fit me like a glove, and leaving it was easily one of the hardest things I've ever done - especially when my Orange County life never fit quite right. It was good enough... but I was never as happy there as I was at BYU, and campus strolls always served as a reminder of that, and of the missteps and mistakes I made as an undergrad. If only I knew then what I know now!

But tonight's stroll was... different.

Instead of viewing campus as a mausoleum wherein the unfulfilled dreams of my late teens and early 20s were laid to rest forever, tonight campus was this homey launching pad for the amazing life I have today: "There's the Kennedy Center, where I'd always pore over the Study Abroad programs and dream of going (but never apply). Ah, well, I'll get to Spain someday." "Oh, the fishbowl classroom where I took New Testament from Stephen E. Robinson (of Believing Christ fame) is now a study lounge! Things always change, even if they seem the same." The Testing Center, the SWKT, the JSB - everything seemed so peaceful and familiar in a totally positive way. It felt like a childhood home should be - warmly nostalgic, but so clearly not current life, and that's totally fine.

Which makes sense. I'm finally so secure and content with pretty much every aspect of my life. Really, I can't complain - and the happy memories from BYU no longer supersede my present because my present is way better than those days were. It's a great reminder of the vitality of living fully present in the moment, for we have experiences in their season for a reason. It's great for now, but it won't always be this way. Children grow up. Seasons change. Jobs come and go. Hair thins, waistlines thicken, and life marches merrily along. It's neither good nor bad - it just is.

These thoughts reminded me of a line in Sweet Home Alabama, where the dreamy Josh Lucas character reminds Reese Witherspoon's character that she "can have roots and wings." Isn't that such a wonderful truth?! We can appreciate where we've been for who it's made us today, but it should never hinder us from soaring into the unlimited possibilities the future holds, especially when there are important, unique roles for us to each fulfill in this great big world of ours. The joy is in discovering what that is and then making it happen - not in dwelling on the good times behind.

BYU was where I broke free of the limiting cocoon of my childhood and started to strengthen my wings. Thankfully the journey didn't end there - the best vistas and flowers and horizons are yet to come.

And with that, I'm going to go cuddle up with Jimmy Stewart AND Cary Grant.

Eat your heart out, Errol Flynn!

Unexpected

Last night I got yet another unexpected curveball thrown into my life. A good one - but a curveball nonetheless.

After FHE I checked my email, and my eyes welled up at the name of an email sender - a dear guy friend / former flame who had been a big part of my life from fall 2000 until June 2007, when he saved me from my ill-fated road trip (the one when my car died in the middle of the desert? Yeah, he and his girlfriend just happened to be moving to Utah the next day, so I rode up to Provo with them). I haven't heard a peep from him since he dropped me off that night - par for the course when guy friends are in serious relationships, but I've missed him nonetheless.

I had to laugh when he kicked off the short email with "Not sure if you remember me, but we used to be good friends." I was like, not remember you?!?!? Not possible! You don't become close friends with someone for that many years across that many adventures (in the course of our always-long-distance relationship he moved from Utah to Iowa to California to Nevada, and then back to Utah again, while I did my own shifting among Utah, California and Washington). And, being the sap that I am, I seriously shed a few tears of joy. I absolutely love him and am just beyond thrilled to hear from him again. I get like that with pretty much all of my dear friends, though. Losing touch with my friends is like losing a limb, seriously.

Anyways, it just makes me bemusedly shake my head. My life has taken so many unexpected twists and turns in the last several years, but in the last year in particular. People drop out of my life or drop back into my life in ways I've not anticipated - but somehow it seems to be a good thing.

It's humbling and yet liberating to realize that I can't control my life any more than I can control the weather. All I can do is to be happy in the sunshine and the rain, because they all bring beauty and joy in the long run. It's all about appreciating the dark colors and the bright threads in the tapestry that is life.

Marriage Fever (from the Christa archives)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: In honor of V-Day coming up this weekend I went to the Christa archives and pulled out this column I wrote for BYU's student paper five years ago. It pretty much still rings true... and I'm still working on swallowing my antidote. It's a process, lol. Enjoy!

MARRIAGE FEVER
Don’t get discouraged, single sickness can be solved

By Christa Jeanne Woodall
Feb. 12, 2004


Brace yourselves, Cougars.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, marriage fever will soon rage through Utah Valley. No student is safe from the epidemic as friends and roommates fall victim to the irresistible illness of love. This fever spreads like wildfire, and once you catch it, you’re a goner for eternity.

Lurking in the shadows of the love epidemic, however, is another painful, more deadly disease that is often overlooked: singles sickness.

Most students at BYU have marriage as an eventual eternal goal, even those swearing to become the first Mormon nuns. The family is central to happiness, and every family had to start out with a first date somewhere along the way.

As a result, the pressure to date is everywhere, from countless happy couples strolling through Brigham Square and new engagement announcements in the mail each week to “Singles Awareness Day” T-shirts on display in the bookstore and reminders that any man still single after his 25th birthday is a menace to society.

Sometimes I wonder if students need all the pushing. Marriage is a serious matter, and I have yet to find someone who is actively and consciously postponing finding a good match because he or she prefers being single.

Keeping a good perspective on dating becomes difficult here at the Y. While dating is the first step on the road to eternal joy, there is more to dating than going out on one perfect date that will last through eternity. Looking endlessly for the “right one” is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

The word “dating” has its roots in the word “data.” The process involves gathering information and finding what one desires in an eternal match.

Yet the process often turns into a chronic disease. Some people seldom date and feel left out in the cold. Others date often and find the game tiresome and unsatisfying. Either way, the result is a plague of singles sickness, where the topic of dating and marriage dominates conversation and leaves people feeling sick.

There is a remedy, however. Here is my three-fold antidote to singles sickness:

The fastest cure is to establish friendships. Get to know people for who they are without the eternal perspective in mind at first. You may be surprised by what you find beneath the facades people put up.

Singlehood is an ideal time to become the best person you can be. Opportunities arise during single life that don’t work when a spouse or kids must be factored into the equation. Never again will you have so much time to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. Work on developing the qualities you want in an ideal companion. Confidence and happiness are irresistible.

Most importantly, relax and have fun. It’s much more enjoyable to be happily single than to be bitter about it. Dating and marriage aren’t goals you can accomplish alone, but happiness does come in doses for one, and it’s the sweetest medicine you can taste.

Photo Tagged!

Laura tagged me for the fourth-folder, fourth-picture game, so here we go:
Oddly enough, this is a scene Laura will remember well - it's from when she and I went to L.A. to watch Band from TV play at Griffith Park's Autry Center this summer. It was too much fun!!! The music was pretty fun - but I mostly just geeked out at seeing HayLo up close and personal (Hayden Panetierre and Milo Ventimiglia of Heroes fame - I love that show!!!).

So... hmmmm... who to tag this time? I keep trying to change it up. Let's go with Aubrey S., Amor, Kaylynn, Kristen M., Kristyn, Cassie, Stacy and Adrian and Emily.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to go into the fourth folder in your photo files and post the fourth photo with an explanation. I look forward to seeing your picture posts!

Spending the Morning with an Old Friend

This week I've managed to do something I never thought I could: get my butt out the door by 5:30 a.m. and work out before work (and still get home with enough time to have nice hair!). For me, this new resolve and willpower is nothing short of a miracle, but it's becoming habit, and for that, I'm truly grateful.

Anyhoo, this morning, as I came down the stairs to pound the pavement, I was stunned to see a sliver of a crescent moon still brilliant against the dark, pre-dawn sky. I know it's fall and all, but I still didn't think it would be so dark so early (will this get better or worse with the time change in October? I can never remember).

As I turned the corner, a huge grin came to my face when I saw a dear, old friend in the sky: Orion!

I don't know if it's just totally geeky to have favorite constellations, but every time I see Orion, I feel a little surge of joy in my heart.

Why, you ask?

Well, this dates back to my busiest year of college - my senior year, when I lived at the Villa with Brittny, Tina and Melisa. This was the year during which I was, simultaneously, an American Heritage TA, a reporter/copy editor for The Daily Universe, co-president of the American Studies Student Association and editor-in-chief of the ASSA journal, Americana, all while balancing a challenging class load, a busy social life (including my three high school best friends all marrying within four months of each other!), a little bit of the usual drama, writing faithfully to a missionary, etc.

It was, basically, sheer insanity.

I've never felt so thinly stretched in my entire life. There were nights when I dragged along a pillow and blanket, and I slept in the Humanities Publication Center, aka "The Pub," because I wanted to get Americana wrapped up by the year's end, and there was just too much to do.

I was soooo busy - but I also have never felt the Lord's hand more strongly in my life, either. I really could feel the angels around me, bearing me up, as I turned to God so much because I knew that I truly could not do it on my own.

It was during this hectic year that I developed my bond with Orion. You see, there were many mornings when, in order to accomplish everything on my plate, I'd wake up at 5 a.m., run to the store for a Red Bull and then head home to finish my homework and what not. When I'd make these pre-dawn caffeine runs (oh, yeah, btw, this is when that caffeine addiction started, surprise, surprise), the world was so still - it seemed like I was so alone in the world.

But, as I'd go to my car, I always noticed Orion, glimmering in the sky ahead. For whatever reason, I felt so much love from the heavens - as if it was Heavenly Father's way of reminding me that I wasn't alone. In fact, I've always felt like that when I gaze at the stars - but, I don't know. Seeing a constellation with a name personified it for me, I guess.

So, this morning, as I once again headed out into the stillness of a world that's still mostly asleep, I was so glad to see my friend Orion, this time watching me pushing myself once more - but, thankfully, because I want to, not because my plate is too full.

And, I have to say, there is something really magical about being up before the world get too hectic, enjoying the newness of a day just dawning. I love it. It waaaaaay beats snoozing! Working out then is so much more relaxing than doing so at night, when there's a franticness in the post-work rush. I only wish I'd started this regimen sooner!

9/11: Seven Years Later

Wow, I can't believe seven years have passed since the infamous attack on America.

I hesitate to post anything about Sept. 11 because I don't want to be trite or to make light of the horrors of that day, but I also will never be able to look at this day on a calendar and not think about what happened. Even now, watching the footage, I can't believe such horrors actually happened.

I truly think that's a defining moment for my generation, not unlike Pearl Harbor or Kennedy's assassination. I'm sure everyone remembers exactly where they were when they heard of the attacks - I was living in King Henry with Kristen and Megs, getting ready for my first office hour as an American Heritage TA, when one of my roommates turned on the TV with the news. The rest of that morning was spent glued to the TV with the throngs at the BYU Bookstore, and later, in lieu of Pres. Samuelson's first devotional of the year, we gathered in the Marriott Center to receive counsel from our leaders (for some reason, I want to say there was a broadcast from Pres. Hinckley, but I don't remember).

And, in an instant, the world changed as we knew it. Hyperbolic as that sounds, I think it's still so true; that event has overshadowed American life ever since.

I know it might err on the side of being cheesy, but I wanted to share this video tribute from YouTube. We're in such a divided political field right now, in a country sick of war, facing uncertain economic times. I think sometimes we lose sight of what really matters: life, and how tenuous it can be. I'm sure all the politicians will play up today to up their own patriotic image.

But, I don't know - seeing the images of what really happened brings back the emotions from seven years ago - shock, disbelief, grief, horror, and the importance of standing together as Americans. Indeed, we will never forget.

Photos Galore

And by "galore," I don't mean I will be posting tons of photos. Just discussing them.

My hard drive on my laptop is being funky monkey, which meant that I had to make a mad dash to back up all of my info onto my flash drive. It's only 2GB, so that also required some hurried de-duping of my photos to make room for my latest pics.

The upside? My photos have never been so organized! I enjoyed a stroll down memory lane going through the folders, stumbling across old pics like the one above (even if it did eat up my lunch break). That shot was the day I had my interview for this job, incidentally.

The downside? I think digital photos have complicated our lives. Seriously. There's less tangible stuff - but, then again, there's more upkeep.

Oh well. At least my photos are safe for now.

It's Time for... Animaniacs!

On my way home from work tonight, I ducked into Costco to pick up some prescriptions and, as always, I found myself browsing through their DVD section, checking for a good deal. DVDs are my weakness, big time!

Much to my delight, I spotted an amazing find: volumes 2 and 3 of Animaniacs for almost half their Amazon discounted price, and less than half of their suggested retail price! I couldn't resist and HAD to pick them up. I'm sure Volume 1 will appreciate the company in my DVD rack.

Animaniacs was, hands down, my favorite show as a kid. I guess I was a sucker for savvy, snarky pop culture references even in my youth! My love for the show has only grown over the years, too. I seriously appreciate the show's biting, self-aware humor. It's so fresh in contrast to the typical child-focused offerings. The subversive poking fun at the medium is soooo a la Warner - but I'll save my Warner-vs.-Disney analysis for my soon-to-be, up-and-coming classic cinema (and more!) blog, debuting this weekend (but more on that later).

In honor of that delightful show, here are some of my favorite bits - thanks, YouTube!

Let's start with a compilation of great quotes:


And then there's always the incomparable "Wheel of Morality" segments:


Now, one of the best things about the show was that it taught academic subjects in such an entertaining, spoonful-of-sugar kind of way. Like, who wouldn't want to learn the U.S. presidents...


or the 50 states and their capitals...


or the countries of the world...


Their brilliance extends to lessons in history (ie Einstein):

... nutrition (we totally used this song in a project in college!):


... Shakespeare:


... math:


... and manners:


... not to mention fantastic parodies of famous (and often high-brow) songs:


and good ol' pop culture like Gilligan's Island:

Of course, my favorite clips were always Pinky and the Brain. This one isn't one of the usual taking-over-the-world clips, but they meet The Beatles (and mock Yoko!). Enjoy!!!

The Power of the iPod

Oh, how I love my iPod!

Tonight, like most Monday nights (or, in this case, a Tuesday that's mighty Mondayish, thanks to Memorial Day yesterday!), I spent the usual four hours flipping through hundreds of pages of phone calls to the Laguna Beach Police Department and posting them online. (Go here for the fruits of my labor - search Laguna Beach!)
Anyways, listening to my iPod makes the oft-tedious task a lot more fun. What really struck me this time around is the power of music for connecting to memories! It's not a new discovery, granted - I'm a sentimental gal, so certain songs always transport me to a specific time and place in my life. What struck me tonight is a certain sense of gratitude, I guess is the way to describe it - pure joy for some of the oh-so-fun and happy memories I have. I've had such an amazing life!

Here are some of the classics on the random shuffle tonight - and, as a disclaimer, the iPod pulled these up! This isn't a list of my favorite songs, or even close to it. These are just the ones that popped up and tonight and brought a smile to my face as a memory came with it.

"Barbie Girl" by Aqua - this came out in my high school days, so Rebecca and I put it on the "La Crescenta Mix" we made in early college (remember?). Every time I hear it, I think of my high school friends at one of the many church dances we attended in high school.

Haha, and now it's popular again with the tweens - my 11-year-old sister thought she was introducing me to it recently. I was like, no, that's ooooooold... It's like "introducing" my mom to the "Moulin Rouge" soundtrack, except I'm the old one now! Yikes!

"Fever" by Kylie Minogue - one of the warm-up songs from my favorite dance class EVER, taught by the incomparable Wright Rance my junior year at BYU. Whenever I hear that song, I just want to do shoulder isolations, haha. Under Rance's tutelage, I finally started throwing down triple pirouettes like nobody's business! (and now I can scarcely manage a double - so sad!)
"The Start of Something New" - yes, "High School Musical." I'm a fan. I'll admit it. The song reminds me of Seattle, actually. I bought it at the Blockbuster around the corner from my cute little hotel room in Queen Anne on my trip there Christmas 2006. It was the night before I found out about a close friend's death, and I know it sounds morbid, but it always reminds me how fragile life is, and how things can change faster than you realize.
"Silent All These Years" by Tori Amos - I still vividly remember the first time I ever heard this, back in 7th grade. It's so haunting! I actually called up KROQ to find out what the song was.
"I Love a Piano" from the Broadway version of "White Christmas" and "Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)" from the Broadway musical "Movin' Out" - both songs reminded me of how much I loved seeing the shows live, and how much I miss the theater! I'm thinking "Wicked" for my 26th birthday in August - who's in?
"Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In medley" by The Fifth Dimension - This song always reminds me of my mother, who, when we were listening to the Forrest Gump soundtrack I'd bought on our San Fran trip in 2002, related to me how the song always reminds her of dancing on the bed with a friend of hers in 8th grade. Now every time I hear it, I think of that, too!
"Blues in the Night" by Eva Cassidy - My BFF Karen used to always bust out with this song in college. Hearing it makes me realize how much I miss her, even though we talk a few times a week. It's not the same as face time!
"Love Potion No. 9" by The Searchers - It's from a British Invasion compilation I got at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland last spring. For the most part, my Ohio trip was... interesting... but that day in Cleveland was delightful! I guess Cleveland does rock! =)

"Bang" by Eve 6 - Eve 6 went to my high school, so anything by them reminds me of CV (Crescenta Valley HS). The bassist's younger sister, Juliette, was a friend of mine from 7th grade on - and our senior prom queen!

"California Girls" by the Beach Boys - Reminds me of my childhood summers, when we'd listen to the Beach Boys en route to Newport Beach. We went almost every weekend the last two summers my parents were together, and they were some of the happiest childhood memories I have! I was quite the boogie boarder, too.

Haha, I'm sure I've bored you enough with this walk down memory lane. What are some of your favorite song memories?