Gearing Up for Grandeur

How would you change your day-to-day life if everything you've dreamed of is just around the corner?

This is a thought that I've been chewing on a lot lately. After the blood, sweat, and tears of the last two years, including the aforementioned "physical therapy" phase, I'm finally able to breathe again and to enjoy the sweetness and magnificence that is my life—and with newly gained compassion, patience, insight, and wisdom.

And wonderfully sweet, exciting adventures lie so close in store, I can brush them with my fingertips!

But I've also had a jarring, eye-opening realization in the last week: what does it MEAN if these long-awaited blessings are just around the corner? Am I ready?

In my heart of hearts, I know that my life's on the brink of major, major changes once more. Remember how I felt this... and then this happened? (And events unfolded to make my life infinitely better than anything I could've imagined or realized?) I've gone through enough rounds of this to recognize the pattern.

Which means it's time to work with a laser-like focus on making weak things become strong.

Last week I read this Psychology Today article that examined why/how "bright girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or complex, were quick to give up—and the higher the girls' IQ, the more likely they were to throw in the towel. In fact, the straight-A girls showed the most helpless responses... [because] more often than not, bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice."

Sigh.

This article hit me profoundly because that is the story of my life! I've always been very, very bright—and, ultimately, it's been detrimental. I have limited myself SO much by not pushing past the limits of my comfort zone and only playing to my strengths. If something doesn't come naturally to me, I just avoid it or brush it off: "I'm just terrible at sports." "I can't do math to save my life."

My eyes are so painfully opened and aware of my weaknesses that I've ignored for this very reason. There are certain things that I've just given into, more or less—knowing I could do better but settling for this complacent mediocrity because, to some degree, I guess I don't believe I can do it. Sad, sad, sad.

Thankfully, the article goes on to discuss what is my new goal: "No matter the ability—whether it's intelligence, creativity, self-control, charm, or athleticism—studies show them to be profoundly malleable. When it comes to mastering any skill, your experience, effort, and persistence matter a lot. So if you were a Bright Girl, it's time to toss out your (mistaken) belief about how ability works, embrace the fact that you can always improve, and reclaim the confidence to tackle any challenge that you lost so long ago."

Examples abound of friends who have persevered over major obstacles to achieve great things, or who push past their disdain of the work to enjoy the result that work inevitably brings, whether it be running or school work or health issues.

If they can do it, I can too.
Right? In theory?

So, here's to sucking it up, buckling down, and working on becoming amazing. Or, as Sara Bareilles puts it, being BRAVE.

Lost and Found

Looking back at 2012, one theme sticks out: loss.

In the course of the past year, I lost hope for relationships with key family members (including straight-up estrangements for most of the year), lost a chance at love (although, if we're being honest, I dodged a bullet with that one), lost my health for several months, my team lost the election (grrrr!!!), and, a few weeks ago, I lost my grandmother, who was my family, best friend, and primary example in life. Oh, and just today I got the news that my grandmother's children are selling her cabin in Island Park—my lifelong haven and refuge—so that's another devastating loss for 2012. Even happy things, like moving to my delightful condo, involved loss—losing the happiest home situation I've ever had, living with my best friend in a place filled with joy and warmth.

So to you, 2012, I have two words: Peace out!

Now, onto the beautiful blank state of 2013 (which I'm kicking off with a one-night stay at the Hotel Del Coronado—hello, bucket-list item!!!)

I've decided that this new year is going to be MY year. As devastating as loss can be, it brings a certain degree of liberation. The voids left by losses can be opportunities to create better, brighter, beautiful possibilities—and I'm going to make finding them the focus of this new year.

Specifically:

• Finding Health and Wealth—Two of my biggest Achilles' heels in life seem to be fitness and finances. Honestly, both stem from a shared root issue: a lack of self-discipline and delayed gratification. This year I plan to attack both with a vengeance!
• Finding Love—And by love, I broaden that scope beyond romance, because love is so much bigger than that. My life is filled with love, and yet too often I either discount available love because it's not the source I crave (i.e. friends instead of family), or I get frustrated with love offered because it's not exactly what I want from that particular individual. I need to work on accepting what love people offer—no more, no less—while trusting in God's goodness to provide what I do need, even when it comes from unexpected places. (And if an unexpected place does happen to be that tall, dark, handsome "Mormon prince" I've been awaiting... well... fabulous!)
• Finding Meaningful Ways to Serve—Rebuilding my broken heart necessitated an inward focus for much of 2012, but I finally feel like I can breathe again! The dust is settling, and with that, I really want to get outside of myself. The two consistent services I did in 2012 were family history and temple work, which are incredibly fulfilling and fabulous, so I want to get back to those. But above and beyond that, I want to serve those within my sphere in whatever way possible. I have so much love to give and need to find great outlets for it.
• Finding My Voice—I've had an idea for a book bouncing around in my brain for ages now, but I still needed to gain some experience in order to pull it off. I think the time has arrived to put pen to paper and up my Writer (with a capital W) street cred by writing my book.
• Finding Peace and Comfort in the Atonement—Christ's Atonement is magnificent and marvelous, but as much as I appreciate it, I still don't fully tap into its strength and power, especially as a source of infinite love, peace, and comfort. I struggle to trust what I can't see, and that's a flaw that really needs to fall away this year.
• Finding Serenity in Uncertainty—Whew, trust is a BIG struggle for me, quite possibly my biggest. I have such a hard time believing things will work out, even when I have so many case studies of when they did. So instead I expend sooooo much energy overthinking and overanalyzing in an attempt to make certainty out of something inherently uncertain. Well, that has GOT to stop, because I seriously become my own worst enemy in those instances! Here's to letting go and learning to TRUST wholeheartedly, no fear, no regrets.
• Finding the Hows—It was a glorious moment a few weeks ago to realize that I've done it! I have, in many ways, become the woman I always wanted to be. It's such a wonderful feeling. Life is so much like hiking, and as the dust's started to settle on 2012, I've been enjoying the breather and the vista, appreciating how far I've come. Now it's time to get up and get back to climbing, looking for the specific, material ways to take that "becoming who I want to be" to the next level. If you're not progressing, you're regressing, and I want to keep moving forward into beautiful, wonderful things.

Here's to the most marvelous, wonderful, fabulous year yet, friends!!! Hope this next year brings you so much joy and love, too.

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

Nothing summarizes my year of working toward hitting 30 better than these famed words by Charles Dickens:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Sure, he was referring to the French Revolution and grandiose things that changed the world. I'm just talking about 12 months of my life - but, hey, still applies. My 29th year was, in so many ways, completely devastating and heartbreaking - letting go of longtime hopes on the family front, battling the reemergence of longtime health problems, falling hard for someone and then being left puzzled by something lovely unraveled. Oh, and all of those came to a head at the same time. Overwhelming is an understatement! I literally cried every day for about six weeks during the worst of it. Basically everything between December and May is a hazy blur. I feel like I lost a season of my life.

But at the same time, all of that heartbreak came with immense illumination. I could never have become the stronger, more confident, more compassionate, more patient version of myself without wading through those experiences. More on that in #4.

And so, without further adieu, here's a recap of where I stand on each of my "30 by 30" goals:

1. Become a "True Aggie."
   
   
   DONE!!! Thank you, Patrick, darling. Taxes AND True Aggiedom all in one weekend? He's pretty amazing like that. :) We've been friends (and sometimes more) for almost a dozen years now, and I absolutely adore the guy. So glad we managed to make this happen before he moved out of state!
   
   
2. Visit five new states. Sadly, I failed on this one. I did add Georgia to the list, but that was all. Plenty of travels - Southern California, Seattle, Denver, Tetons, Yellowstone - but not much new territory covered.
   
   
3. Go on 30 dates.
   
   
   DONE!!! It was an amazing journey, too. More on that here. I've been on quite a few dates since then, too, and I love it! Dating is such a fun way to expand horizons and get to know people on a different level than in "the friend zone," even if you only go on a date or two with a person. Admittedly, it's taken me a long time to shake off the disappointment (and continuing confusion) of one of the guys, but I'm looking forward to diving into my new life in Orem, getting back out there, and making the most of my last year in the YSA world. (For you non-LDS folks, we get kicked out of singles congregations at 31. The pressure is on!)
   
   
4. Become my authentic self. DONE!!! This was, hands down, the biggest challenge on the list. It meant opening up a Pandora's box and working through the disappointments and heartbreak I've swept under the rug for a lifetime. But I stepped up to the challenge, and it's been the most rewarding - albeit heartbreaking - thing I've ever done. I've done well by myself where this is concerned. Am I perfect? No. But I'm doing my absolute best to be true to myself, and that's enough.
   
   Furthermore, I've learned that letting go, while disappointing, is sometimes all you can do. It's so, so, so vital for sanity's sake to recognize what you can and can't control, and to learn to be comfortable with the unknown. I'm still working on it, but I'm definitely better at it now than I was a year ago. And nothing is forever! Relationships - familial, friends, romantic - evolve and change. Goodness knows I've had enough people cycle in and out of my life at various times. So stepping away from a loved one for now doesn't mean they won't circle back later. The upside is that when they do circle back, it's because they realize your value. Chasing after them will never accomplish that. We all deserve to be loved and cherished by those we love and cherish. Reciprocity is sooooo important in all areas of life. Sometimes we'll give more than we take, but it should balance out in the aggregate.
   
   
5. Attend the temple at least 30 times.  DONE!!! I also started working my way through all the temples in Utah, and I've only got three left there (St. George, Monticello, and Oquirrh Mountain - although I have been to St. George and Oquirrh Mountain before, just not in this go-around).
   
   
6. Learn to ski. DONE!!! Well, attempted, at least. And I hated every minute of my miserable day on the slopes. But, hey, I did give it a try, at least.
   
   
7. Drive Route 66. Boo! Didn't happen. Honestly, I'm glad, because I've needed to have flexibility with my PTO this year. But I should be able to make this happen in the spring. I'm itching to hit the open road for a few weeks and explore!!!
   
   
8. Go on a cruise with my best friends. Nope. But at least Haas and I got to visit Tabitha in Georgia, which was lovely, and I now live 5-10 minutes from Rebecca (we both moved to Orem the same week!). I absolutely love these three women (only two pictured below - we need a more current quartet shot!). They are my foundation, and I am so ridiculously blessed to have them in my life! Hopefully we can get away for girls' weekends annually when their kids get a little older...
   
   
   
   
9. Be debt-free. Working on it - should be by 31.
   
   
10. Sew what? No, my sewing machine just kept gathering dust. But now that I have a craft room and a sewing table, this one should get in motion. After all, I've got a home to decorate now! Planning to make my own curtains and pillows for the living room.
    
    
11. Get at least one really, really good kiss.
    
    
    
    You'd think, right? 30+ dates with 20-something guys, and I should've managed at least ONE?! But I don't kiss quickly or outside the context of a relationship, True Aggie-ness excepted (and we were so down to business about it!). I did have good chemistry with one of the guys, but we didn't get past holding hands (awwwww... presh). So. Let's throw this on the list again.
    
    
12. Hike Mt. Washburn. Health problems sidelined me through much of the last year, and by the time my strength was back, I was too swamped to make time for these hikes. However, I will be accomplishing this one on my upcoming Idaho trip. [UPDATE: DONE!!! As my blistered feet can attest. Totally worth it, though. Veni, vidi, vici, folks. And guess who bought a National Parks pass?! Soooo excited!!!]
    
    
13. Hike the Y. See #12 - planning to go with Stacy soon, to make up for our failed attempt at graduation ages ago.
    
    
14. Hike Timp. See #12. My company goes every fall, so I figured I'd join in there, but it's not happening this year! So I'll have to get some friends to try this before it gets too cold.
    
    
15. Read 30 books. Hmmmm... close, but not quite. According to Goodreads, I read 20 books since last August. I might have missed reporting one or two in there, but still, I didn't quite hit 30. Darn!
    
    
16. Finish the Book of Mormon twice. Halfway there? I finished it once and am working on another go-around.
    
    
17. Get starstruck. Well... I downloaded a star app and did a good amount of stargazing this year, including enjoying the Perseid meteor shower in the middle of the night in the Tetons (one of the most exquisite celestial experiences of my life!). But I didn't study up on this like I'd wanted.
    
    
18. Lose 30 pounds. Boo, health problems! I didn't lose 30 more, but I did manage to maintain last summer's weight loss for the most part. I discovered the awesomeness of the paleo diet and really love how I feel when I'm skipping glutens and sugar - but it's hard to do that when you're crunched for time! Hoping to get back to that when things settle down in a few weeks.
    
    
19. Make time to WRITE. Nope. Heartbreak zaps all of my desire and sparkle to write. So beyond finishing a personal narrative from last summer, this didn't happen (although I did journal a bunch during the Mr.24-29 episode). And I'm still in repair, but hopefully I can make this a priority for my 30s in general. I love writing!!!
    
    
20. Just dance. Not as much as I'd like. I did discover yoga this year, so yay for that! I do best in a structured class environment, so I'm hoping to do zumba at the Orem Rec Center a bunch and get back in the swing of attending Ballet Blast, though. Feels sooooo good!
    
    
21. Sing, sing, sing.
    
    
    
    DONE!!! Ah! Finally! Another success. This one had a few success iterations, too - singing with Lehi Chorale last Christmas, taking voice lessons (if only for a little while), getting into the audition-only Mapleton Chorale for this year (we're a couple weeks into rehearsals, and I LOVE it!!!). Feels amazing to have choral singing back in my life again weekly. I quite love it.
    
    
22. Put my clothes away in the closet, not on the floor. DONE!!! Well... at least I was... and then I got close to moving and stopped caring, haha. But my new bedroom has so much space! I have a double closet that takes up the entire length of my room, complete with built-in shelves and whatnot. No excuse to not be on top of this.
    
    
23. Reinstate "Christa Dates." DONE!!! I go through busy-busy waves and need to get better/consistent with this, but one of the lessons learned with the health problems is to listen to my poor body and learn to slooooooow dooooooooown sometimes. So I've learned to make plans by myself, whether it be going to a movie, taking a canyon drive, or browsing the outlets in Park City. Extroverted as I am, that alone time is golden.
    
    
24. Stop snoozing. Bahahahaha... no. Such a hard habit to break! Still working on it...
    
    
25. Give up the Diet Pepsi once and for all. DONE!!! And then my life got insane this month with moving and traveling... and I got back on the bottle. Curses!!! I'll have to go through the withdrawal process all over again in a week, when I give it up again after Labor Day. Not a pretty sight, but I did feel better not needing the fix to wake up my brain.
    
    
26. Write in my journal weekly. Not so much - which is funny, because usually writing is sooooo therapeutic for me to process stuff. But I couldn't stand the thought of dealing with stuff in real time and then reliving it on paper. So... now that I'm back to good, I should get on top of this again.
    
    
27. Learn to poach an egg.
    
    
    DONE!!! My darling friend Emily was sweet enough to film a tutorial for me, and I did follow it step by step in order to make some amazing Eggs Benedict from scratch. So fun!!!
    
    
28. Make the most of my commute. DONE!!! I could've done this even more, but I did up my audiobooks and Church talk listening on the drive. It makes such a difference. Some of my favorites: the audio of Jacqueline Kennedy's interviews a few months after JFK's assassination, Tina Fey's Bossypants, and many a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell.
    
    
29. Run a 5K. I did two 5Ks this year - Color Me Rad back in April, and then the Freedom Run in July - but health problems wiped me out from running and training as I'd hoped. Actually, it was when walking the color run left me flat on my back in bed for two days that I realized something was seriously wrong, healthwise. And now I'm fine! Really need to make this happen for the 30th year.
    
    
30. Channel my inner Annie Oakley. Nope, and I don't even have a good excuse other than a busy schedule and other priorities. Hopefully I can go shooting with my cousin this fall.

30 by 30: The 2/3 Update

Whew - eight months down, only four to go until I hit the big 3-0. I've slashed through some goals like a madwoman in the last four months, but I still have quite a ways to go. Think I can finish up the list by August 30th?

#1: True Aggie - DONE! Thank you, Patrick. Convenient that the night before his birthday (on which we already had plans to do my taxes, since he's my accountant this year) just happened to be a full moon, right?

#2: Five new states / #7: Drive Route 66 - These are going to be tough and might not happen. I've decided to scale back my traveling this year, and the trips planned are all to places I've already been. But who knows? Maybe I can swing something. Getting through all remaining 50 states is one of my goals for my 30s. :)

#3: 30 dates - DONE! And what a wonderful journey that was - more on it here. (You would've hoped that #11: Get at least one really, really good kiss would've come out of the 30 dates, but alas... still working on this one.)

I do have to say, the most humbling part of the 30 dates was realizing that although I have the dating thing down now... relationships are an entirely different creature altogether, and I'm still totally clueless on that front. Painful (so painful!) to learn lessons of the heart by trial and error. Every time I see my hashmarked list for the 30 dates with the little heart drawn on the one representing the guy who stood out above the rest, it tugs at my heartstrings. So much potential, but I gave into fear and insecurity, inadvertently sending out shut-down signals when that's the LAST thing I wanted. It might recover... but it might not, and knowing my actions and words share blame there absolutely kills me. But what can you do? Making mistakes and then learning from them is part of the joy of being human.

#4: Authentic self - There's no way to articulate the education and growth that's come in the last few months in particular - and much of it's too close to my heart to blog anyways - but let's just say this one's definitely progressing, and I will be a better, wiser woman for it. So many lessons, so much deepening and broadening. If you want to read some wise words, check out Ordinary Courage and Superhero Journal - these women know what they're talking about!

#5: Attend the temple 30 times - More than halfway there! I'm enjoying skipping around to the different temples around Utah (plus I got San Diego and Seattle in the count). This summer I'll be planning trips to the far-flung ones like Vernal, Monticello, and Manti to get to all 12 operating temples in Utah by my birthday.

#6: Learn to ski - DONE! And by done, I mean I pathetically attempted to learn... for one MISERABLE hour on the slopes that ended with me tweaking my elbow. Oh holy swallowing my pride! It was awful... but at least I tried (and got a refund from Alta).

#12-#14: Lots of hiking to do this summer (Mt. Washburn, the Y, Mt. Timpanogos) - anyone want to come with?

#21: Sing, sing, sing - I really enjoyed singing for Lamb of God this Easter season. This summer I'm avoiding any time commitments, but come fall, I might audition for the Mapleton Chorale at my friend Harmony's nudging. We'll see. I really miss being in a choir like OCMCO! Oh, and I did start voice lessons, but they only lasted a few weeks because of some extenuating circumstances (and she wasn't a great fit anyways). Might look into a new teacher if I don't do the choir in the fall so my voice is getting the practice it needs.

#22: Put my clothes away in the closet, not on the floor - Might sound dumb, but when I get busy, this one is really hard to do! But I did finally get into the habit, so yay. Took 29 years... but my mother would be pleased, I'm sure.

#26: Write in my journal weekly - Well, this one really picked up in March. Let's just say I had a lot to write out, since I process by writing, and some things aren't bloggable. I'm not the most consistent, but I've mostly kept this up.

#28: Make the most of my commute - I've gone through some awesome audiobooks and listened to great talks, but I really do need to get back in the habit. Peppy music helps me wake up, but these deeper thoughts really are the best way to start the day.

#29: Run a 5K - Well... I'm doing another 5K with Rebecca and Haas and their families this weekend, but my training got sidelined by a crazy schedule, killer cold, and severe insomnia for a good six weeks there, so... running probably won't happen. But I'll enjoy walking it! And I'll shoot to run something in the next few months.

#30: Channel my inner Annie Oakley - In a few weeks I'm finally going shooting with my cousin. Here's hoping I can become a little sure shot!

2011: A Year in Review

Ringing in 2011 with the Davis clan in Provo - can't believe that was a year ago!

Hey, friends! Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to all of you! 2011 has been quite an incredible year. In many ways it's been "the best of times and the worst of times," filled with amazing adventures and the realization of long-held dreams as well as some heartbreaking disappointments. I've also been a sidelines observer to some amazing triumphs and hard times friends have experienced, and the resilience of the human spirit never ceases to amaze. I'm no doubt a better, stronger, and more authentic woman than I was when the year kicked off in January, and I can't wait to see what further growth 2012 will bring.

Anyways. On to the fun stuff. Here are some highlights from the past year:

• 16,250 miles traveled on 10 trips to/through 9 states and 1 Canadian province - and that doesn't include many trips along the Wasatch Front to Layton, Logan, and the like (which, on days like today, tack on 200 miles!). This year I journeyed to San Francisco, Capitol Reef, Glacier/Waterton/Banff/Calgary, Yellowstone/Island Park, Denver, Savannah/Atlanta, and Southern California times four (but at least to varying parts - L.A., Orange County, and San Diego). For the record, I miss Savannah and/or Banff on a near-daily basis. And I LOVE that I can say that I miss places like Savannah and Banff. Jet-setting has been a blast!



• 18 plays, 20 concerts, and 4 Sundance Film Festival flicks thoroughly enjoyed. There's such a vibrant scene of local performing arts talent around here, it's awesome!!! Those concerts range from local bands in block parties, clubs, and even their parents' homes to choirs like OCMCO or the Mormon Tabernacle in concert halls to the Pacific Symphony playing the 1812 Overture in the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater while visiting Orange County; the plays range from Broadway tours and professional companies to very, very amateur local productions. Professional or amateur, I've loved them all!



Rosie and I got to meet Kevin Clash, the man behind Elmo!


Photo snagged from Justin Hackworth


Photo snagged from Hue & Hum - see my shoulder in the tan jacket on the left?
• Oh, and let's not forget taking the stage for 1 amazing, technicolor production and 2 performances at Temple Square during the Christmas season with the Lehi Chorale. Wish I had bandwidth to do more! Can't wait to start voice lessons next week and dive into next summer's show in the spring.


• 21 dates with 12 amazing men, ranging in age from 25 to 43, with 1 more date (with possibly 1 more guy) slated for the weekend... but still 0 relationships to show for it (despite getting the label of "wifeypoo" from this summer's stage hubster). All this dating's exhausting! But I'd rather be dating than not, so... it's worth it. I've really enjoyed getting to know these guys, but I'm still definitely not used to interacting with guys I know strictly in the dating sense (as opposed to my former normal of going on dates with guys who were friends first). It's a learning process, that's for sure. Better late than never!
• 3 roommates and 2 wards, despite not moving an inch (which was LOVELY, considering I moved three times from Nov. 2009 to Sept. 2010!)
• 1 royal wedding viewed with 2 lovely friends at 3:30 a.m. via streaming internet - and yes, many happy tears were shed. Love Wills and Kate!


• 3 speeding tickets - I know, I know, slooooooow doooooooown...
• 5 temples visited, including many a trip to the temples in Newport Beach and Draper, lest this list seem all vapid and ridiculous. I wish I could've actually gone in and spent time at the Cardston Temple, but it didn't work with the travel schedule. Ah, well - maybe next time. I can't wait to add the Brigham City temple to the list next year, and the Fort Collins, Colorado, temple soon as well!

• 30 lbs. lost... but let's not talk about how many came back from 7 boxes of Candy Cane Joe-Joe's, mmmmmkay? ;) Hitting the gym again tomorrow... *sigh*

• 1 promotion at work and a 2-year work-iversary celebrated - hooray for finally finding a job into which I can settle and stay put! 
  
• 3 sections of the GRE passed with flying colors, and 1 Utah State University class toward my masters completed with an A! Just 10 more classes to go...

WHEW!!! What a year! 

Just flipping through my planner to recap makes me exhausted. It's been an intense year, but wow, it's been such a blast. Being too busy has been great in some ways because it's made me evaluate how I'm spending my energy, and there are certain things that just plain aren't worth it. If it means dropping some relationships, sadly, so be it - much like Elphaba sings in"Defying Gravity,"

I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try, I'll never know.

Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost - 

Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost! 

I'd sooner buy defying gravity.

Amen and amen! My theme and goal for 2012 is to truly defy gravity - to stop imposing silly limits on myself, being hemmed in and held back by insecurities lacking in any real basis other than falsehoods that got drilled into me over the years by people who should've complimented instead of criticized, myself included. Why I let such negativity seep in over the years, I'll never know - but now that I see it, I can make the future better, and that's what really matters, right?

Anyways... that's my adventure from this year. I can't wait to see the exciting things 2012 will bring!!! 

How about you, friends? Any fun journeys taken or lessons learned in 2011?

30 By 30: Making the End of My 20s Count

So... this post is about two months overdue, but better late than never, right?

Thirty. 

Holy crepe. How on earth am I staring that milestone in the face?! Feels like just yesterday that I was too young to sit in the bar area of restaurants. My 20s have flow by in such a blur, and I can hardly believe they're nearly over!

Then again, when people in my ward barely graduated from high school... and when my friends are all pretty much done birthing their babies... well... the reality of my age catches up to me. And it isn't a bad thing, either. Besides those occasional moments when I want to run screaming down the hall, I'm pretty much okay with owning my almost-30 status.

Still, ending my 20s is no small feat, and I want to do it well. And so, in no particular order, here are 30 things I hope to accomplish in the next 308 days (some of which are already in progress):

1. Become a "True Aggie." Preferably at the hands... er, lips... of someone who isn't some random stranger.
   
   
2. Visit five new states. And since this goes retroactively to my birthday, Georgia counts - so I've got four to go. If Route 66 happens, then I'll knock out Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma, and Texas. I'm also considering a Spring Break trip to Boston, and I could tack on a road trip around New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine. So stinkin' excited.
   
   
3. Go on 30 dates. Again, if we date this back to my birthday, I've gone on six so far. But I'm really going back to the beginning of 2011, which puts me at 16 so far. I think I can swing 14 dates in 10 months. I hope.
   
   
4. Become my authentic self. Years ago, my friend Kaylynn wrote a blogpost about becoming her authentic self. That post has haunted me ever since! I wondered what that even meant - and what it would feel like to peel off the layers of self-protecting barriers and be completely comfortable in my skin. I'm getting danged close, and it is the most empowering thing ever! I'm not sure that this process ever really ends, but I'd like to make it a high priority. Dr. Brene Brown has some great stuff on this topic, if you're interested.
   
   
5. Attend the temple at least 30 times.
   
   
   And as a part of that, I'm trying to make the Draper temple my temple of choice (Provo's where I usually go - part sentimentality, part habit). I'd love to feel as connected to the Draper temple as I still do to Newport Beach.
   
   
6. Learn to ski. This will be my ninth winter in Utah, and I've never tried skiing. Ridiculous. Time to start!
   
   
7. Drive Route 66. Finally. This is the time!!!
   
   
   
   
8. Go on a cruise with my best friends. Perhaps we can make it a joint "We're all turning 30!" celebration!
   
   
9. Be debt-free. I'm sooooo clooooooose...
   
   
10. Sew what? I have a sewing machine, but that doesn't mean I know how to sew. Unless there's a proficient seamstress nearby to help me with the bobbin and all that nonsense, I'm hopeless. At the very least, I would love to turn the quilt blocks we made for a friendship quilt in my San Clemente singles ward into a bonafide quilt. And finish those baby quilts I started for Primary Children's Hospital in the spring. (Sorry, Caron!!! I know I'm a slacker!!!)
    
    
11. Get at least one really, really good kiss. Like, of the foot-popping variety.
    
    
12. Hike Mt. Washburn.
    
    
    My poor father pushed us to do this when I was 10, and I whined the entire way up... until I realized how awesome it was that I climbed a freakin' mountain, and I skipped the rest of the way down. For years I've been wanting to go back and do this hike in Yellowstone again, sans the whining. And speaking of hiking...
    
    
13. Hike the Y. Since I'm ashamed that I never got around to this as a BYU student.
    
    
14. Hike Timp. I work at the base of this stunningly gorgeous mountain yet have never attempted to climb it. Again, ridiculousness. This must happen.
    
    
15. Read 30 books. Since we're doing the 30 theme. And textbooks totally count, because 30 is a lot! That's three a month from here on out.
    
    
16. Finish the Book of Mormon twice. And one of those times will be by Christmas, thanks to my stake challenge (that I'm woefully and pathetically hundreds of pages behind on... yikes!).
    
    
17. Get starstruck.
    
    
    And no, I'm not talking about celebrities. I've always been fascinated by stars, but I've never taken the time or made the effort to really learn astronomy or even name many constellations. Definitely a goal worth pursuing.
    
    
18. Lose 30 pounds. Again, with the 30 thing. I'd actually like to go beyond that, but I'd be happy with this. Honestly, it's more pragmatic than cosmetic. Everyone says that your metabolism hits a wall at 30. It's going to be a heck of a lot easier to reach my goal and fight to maintain it than to fight to get there after 30.
    
    
19. Make time to WRITE.
    
    
    And I'm not talking blogging or creating content for pay. I'm talking writing from my heart, putting the proverbial pen to paper and telling stories that keep knocking around in my brain. I'm in a writer's group, so that accountability should help. (Thanks, Rachel!)
    
    
20. Just dance. Dancing feeds my soul, and I can tell the difference in my overall life when I'm dancing and not. Same thing for exercise in general, but dance is definitely my workout of choice. There's a killer ballet-fitness class in Lehi I went to a few times and LOVE - again, just gotta make it a priority. I need to be dancing at least once a week, whether it's a class or just a rock-out session in my bedroom.
    
    
21. Sing, sing, sing. Along the same lines, singing and music bring more joy to my heart than just about anything else. So I'm planning to start voice lessons in January - already have an amazing teacher lined up, soooo excited!!! - and I'd like to get my voice beyond the awesome shape it was in while in OCMCO (which was the peak of my personal vocal performance as far as technique and timbre go).
    
    
22. Put my clothes away in the closet, not on the floor. Harder than it sounds, people. Harder than it sounds.
    
    
23. Reinstate "Christa Dates." I know it sounds so New Age-y, but there's sooooo much value in getting time alone to ponder and just breathe sans pressure or company. In college, I was good about setting aside Friday nights for me time, but these days it's rare. In fact, I blame my snoozing addiction on this. That quiet time before I'm out of bed seems to be the only time I get to myself all day, but indulging in snoozing just makes me start the day rushed. Quality alone time should supplant the snooze. In fact...
    
    
24. Stop snoozing. See above. Addictive! And speaking of addictions...
    
    
25. Give up the Diet Pepsi once and for all. And that goes for all soda, caffeinated or not. Why must flavored, carbonated chemicals be so tasty (but so unhealthy)?! WHY?! Curse you, soda!
    
    
26. Write in my journal weekly. Or at least a few times a month. I tend to blog more than journal, but I also filter what goes on the blog (shocking, right?). So there's a lot of real stuff that doesn't get recorded that should. Although my journals do make for an entertaining read of my dating history, since I somehow manage to get that written down every time. *sigh* Ridiculous girl.
    
    
27. Learn to poach an egg.
    
    
    Eggs Benedict is sooooo my favorite breakfast EVER, largely because of the buttery goodness of the poached egg. However, that's one cooking technique that intimidates me like no other. I've conquered my abject fear of pie crusts (thanks, Mishy!!!) - it's time to take on the poached egg.
    
    
28. Make the most of my commute. I loooooove music, so I'd much rather tune out to some tunes on the drive home than listen to spoken word. However, I'm spending at least 5-10 hours in my car each week. Just think of all the spiritual nourishment I could digest if I spent at least a few of those drives listening to BYU devotionals, General Conference talks, etc.?!
    
    
29. Run a 5K. And I mean actually run it this time. None of that sissy walking because I woke up on race day with legs made of cement. I still hate running, but I can appreciate its health benefits. And maybe if I persist at it, I'll actually grow to love it.
    
    
30. Channel my inner Annie Oakley.
    
    
    I'd love to be the kind of woman who is as proficient on the shooting range as she is in the kitchen. Gotta know how to protect myself, after all. The zombies might really come!!!
    

Whew! Do I ever have my work cut out for me or what?! Should be a fun year, though. And if anyone wants to join me on some of these goals (i.e. traveling, hiking, shooting, running, dancing, etc.), let me know!

Singles Advice and Trotting Turkeys

Riffing off yesterday's post, I saw this snippet from a Q&A with "Sex and the City" author Candace Bushnell this morning. It's nothing earth-shattering, but I liked it enough to share it with y'all:

Q: What advice do you have for the single woman today?
A: Spend less time worrying about men and more time worrying about your career. We have less control over relationships than I think we'd like to believe. We somewhat have more control over our careers - what we do with our time and how we live our lives - so my advice to women is to become as much a fully developed human being as you can be; become fully actualized; make your own money; be responsible for yourself and you'd be surprised, once you get those pieces in place, how much easier relationships are.
Q: How did you know six years ago you had met your future husband?
A: I knew what a cool relationship felt like, but I didn't know what a great relationship felt like until I was 43. As my grandmother always said, "When you know, you know." That's one of the things I would say to women: "When it's right; you will know it." If it's not 100 percent, you can't force it. I never believed it until I met my husband, and then I said, "Oh my God, my grandmother was right."

So, there you go. Timely, no?

In other news - as part of that whole self-improvement, racing-against-the-clock thing, I've decided to train to run this year's Turkey Trot in Dana Point. Which will be fun, y'know, seeing as I can't run. At all. But my friend Kaylynn's become quite the avid marathoner, and she's inspired me. Baby steps, right? Thank goodness for the "Couch to 5K" plan! It takes a little more time than I've got, but at least I can get close.

And, now that I've blogged about it, I'm accountable to y'all, too! Anyone want to run with me?

PS: Endorphines are aaaaaaawesome... I've never been the sporty type, but I can see how people get addicted to working out. As Elle Woods so brilliantly said, "Endorphines make you happy, and happy people don't shoot people."

AND, a bonus quote of the day: "Cherish forever what makes you unique, because you're really a yawn if it goes." --Bette Midler, actress and singer