How to Talk to Girls (and Other Words of Wisdom)

This kid could teach some lessons to most of the single guys whose dating (and, hey, even just friendship) paths have crossed mine in recent years. Seriously. GENIUS!



So, speaking of dating... gotta share some game-changing experiences and insights of late.

To set up the context, I don't know the last time that my love life was a complete blank slate. Even when I made major state-to-state moves, there was almost always some lingering crush or long-distance relationship that I hoped would pan out down the road. Life's been such nonstop crazy since I moved in August that I have yet to start a new social life in town. But now that the dust is settling, I feel overwhelmingly that it's time for a new chapter of my life to begin.

And this is going to be the best chapter yet, friends! I'm so thrilled to see what's ahead, I can barely stand it!!! Giddy is an understatement.

But first, I had to clear up one lingering question mark: newfound interest in an amazing guy friend. Whether we'd be a match had yet to be determined, but guys of his caliber don't come along every day, so... I boldly sent him a more sophisticated take on "Do you like me? Check yes or no." He went for no, but good glory, friends, I've never been so thrilled for a rejection in all my life!!! After sending off the note, I seriously felt... ambivalent? I don't know how to explain it. Either outcome was a fabulous option, and both were better than this tepid wasteland of uncertainty. I felt strongly, though, that his answer was secondary to the fact that I'd dared greatly. I followed a distinct impression toward a path of action that scared the daylights out of me, and I lived to tell the tale--no regrets! I get to just plain enjoy this awesome friendship without any of that weirdness what creeps in with "what are we?" confusion.

Now I get to dive into the Provo/Orem social scene completely and totally unfettered by any outstanding emotional entanglements--and, better yet, I get to put into action all of the lessons learned from my crash course in dating along with all the insights, healing, and joy found in the new heart I've built since the old one shattered last spring. I've changed so much in the last year, it's startling. Was the process brutal? Yes--but now I get to enjoy the payoff of the blood, sweat, and tears: WISDOM. Dude. There is no putting a price tag on that gem!!! It truly is priceless.

And let's not forget the other payoff: CONFIDENCE. Seriously, how can you ever gain it except to take that risk, challenge your status quo, and succeed?! Nothing is a bigger factor in being attractive, either, than confidence--knowing that you're a good person doing good things in the world, making the most of the raw material at your fingertips. I've had this flurry of lightbulb moments in the last month, and one of the brightest moments was finally believing, no holds barred, that I am worthy of love and belonging, which is the key to true joy and connection in life. It sounds silly to revel in the knowledge that you're awesome, but anyone who knows my story well knows it's been a 30-year battle to get here. I had some ridiculously hard battles to fight literally from the cradle, but the beauty is that I've done it. I'm not a victim. I am a victor, and I have created a phenomenal life filled with more joy than I ever knew was possible. Life is truly good, friends. So humbled and blessed.

And so excited to put into practice all of these game-changing insights, including these newly gelled winners:

• Don't reject yourself before the guy/girl can. Know the saying "whether you think you can or can't, you're right"? Same idea. Too often we discount our own value and figure the other person wouldn't be interested anyway, so why bother? And so we go for the safety of the friend zone before giving any potential a chance to play out. I totally did this with the aforementioned friend when we first met. After nearly a year of friendship, there's enough foundation to know it's nothing more, but right when meeting someone, there's no way to know! So instead of defaulting to the assumption that it's a friendship--or doing the flipside of falling head over heels for someone you don't even know--just be open. Don't be too quick to affix labels. That first bit of knowing someone is fact-finding. Just enjoy it for what it is, because you never get to return to that blank slate with that person again!
• Worrying and overthinking are surefire roads to disaster. Trust me. If either were Olympic sports, I'd have a boatload of gold medals. Overthinking is a defense mechanism, seeking to make certainty out of something that is inherently uncertain. The more you replay the tape and overanalyze, the more confusing it gets. Worrying is a total energy-waster, too. It might feel like you're actively working on something, but you're not. Switch off the brain, trust your intuition, and just enjoy watching how things unfold. Your energy is better expended in improving what you bring to the table as a partner, since that's just about the only thing you can control in a relationship.
• Trust that your awesomeness will attract the right person. It's that simple. Think of the word "attraction" beyond its dating definition. It's something whose inherent appeal draws the right thing, like a magnet attracting metal. Attraction in dating should be that simple, organic, and effortless. The magnet doesn't do some sort of dog-and-pony show to entice the metal. It doesn't try to morph itself into a different substance that will click with some other target. Granted, magnets don't have brains or emotions to do any of that anyway... but you get the point. All of us (well, except for sociopaths) have some degree of insecurity, especially in this arena. It's natural. But make the effort to overpower that negative impulse with positivity! You can't control other people's actions, interest, reactions, etc. Don't chase after someone who doesn't feel a draw toward you, especially when that could disconnect you from someone who actually does feel drawn into your orbit. All you can do is to play your own cards well and then rest assured that the best thing for you will shake out in whatever form and timeframe. Everyone--EVERYONE--deserves to be at the receiving end of head-over-heels, crazy-stupid love. Seriously, why on earth would you settle for anything less than that?! As Oscar Wilde brilliantly put it, "How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly NORMAL human being?" It's not just the material of Hollywood fairytales. I've seen countless case studies in that kind of love among my nearest and dearest who married well. So sit back and enjoy the journey to that kind of happy ending!
• Have fun! Seriously. Life is a mixed bag, and we can't control circumstances--but we have a heck of a lot more control over our joy level than we often accept. Choose to see the silver linings. Choose to assume the best of people and of situations. Choose to believe that you're awesome--and if you think it, why on earth would anyone disagree? Choose to own your story and to let others own theirs. Mistakes and missteps shape our stories as much as the well-made decisions do. Don't stress. Just roll with it. Life is that we might have joy, and that joy comes from within. Whether it fills your heart or not is up to you--and that kind of radiance is way more attractive than a dour, downcast countenance!

So, here's to a new, clean page in my dating saga. I'm beyond thrilled to break from the past patterns and see how this next chapter will unfold!

A Word on My Single Status

Friends, I feel like every time I say anything remotely related to dating or along the veins of saying that I'd like to be married, I need to give a disclaimer.

So I'm going to give this disclaimer once. Please listen and take note - and I'm sure your other single friends would concur.

Ready?

When your response to anyone's commentary on their own singleness is something along the lines of a platitude or patronizing remark about how "It'll happen at the right time..." or "Just have faith..." or "Aren't you so glad you can traipse around New York City while I'm at home potty-training an unruly toddler?!"

Please... and I say this with the most love in my heart possible...

Save your breath.

There.

I said it.

After 12 1/2 years of being in the marriage-obsessed LDS singles scene, believe you me, I've heard it all. I understand and appreciate that the comments and compliments are meant to lighten my load, but honestly, they don't.

Because I know undoubtedly that God is preparing an amazing, righteous, wonderful man for me. I know that he will be worth every bad date endured, every tear shed, every hope dashed painfully to pieces. The caliber of men I've dated in the last couple of years, coupled with the phenomenal guy friends in my life, assure me that there are still plenty of keepers out there. I don't opt into the "all the good ones are taken" philosophy. Mine's out there, and he'll come when he and I are both ready for it. Period. End of story. And I wouldn't have him come along a moment sooner.

Because if I'd wanted just to be married by now, I would be. I've had offers, guys. And I mean that pretty seriously, even if the relationships didn't have labels affixed. There's one in particular who would marry me this minute, and boy, I would be the most cherished, lucky lady in the world... except for that whole temple marriage thing. I can't budge there. Some things you just plain don't settle on.

Because when I say I could really use a husband right now to hold my hand as I face the passing of my grandmother, I don't mean it as an invitation for platitudes. You mean well. I get it. I appreciate it. But I'm not complaining. I'm just acknowledging reality. There is a difference. I want someone who will hold me as I cry. I need that now more than I ever have in my 30 years. There's not a person on whom I can call for that right now (well, in the same state as me, at least), and that stings. I'm tired of being strong and feeling like I have to do it all myself. I want someone who is mine forever and always, from whom I can claim protection, companionship, comfort, support, etc. and who I can, in return, love with all of my heart, who I can nurture and cherish, with whom I can just plain enjoy how fun and wonderful life can be. Even awful situations like a midnight ER run can be an adventure with the right company, as my best friend and I learned last weekend. Yes, I have amazing friends who are here for me. And I don't discount that. But they have lives - busy lives and families of their own. And due to how I was raised, my default assumption is that I'm bothering people if I ask anything of them. I've had a lifetime of self-sufficiency. I want someone to whom my life materially matters, and vice versa.

Because life is supposed to be a team sport. Remember that whole Adam-Eve thing about it not being good for man to be alone? It's right there at the start of the Bible for a reason - it's the most essential, basic part of this earth-life experience.

Because I am really, truly, blissfully happy with my life right now. It is amazing. I'm done waiting to let myself fully enjoy and embrace my happiness with life as it is right now. No more asterisks. No more "Everything's great... except I just need a good man." So please refrain from discounting my happiness and putting conditions on it for me, okay? My post about how blissful and perfect my Thanksgiving was this year elicited a comment about how "all it was missing was a good man, and that will come!" Gag. Me. I know she meant well, but... she really didn't need to remind me what I'm missing and then top it with trite words of "comfort." I'm not postponing my happiness. Please don't do it for me, either.

Because it'll happen when it's right, and really, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I am not worried about it. Do you have any concept of the energy I've expended in the last decade-plus, worrying about dating and crushes and trying to read between lines and decipher what's going on in the minds of the objects of my affection?! Can you imagine the amazing things I could have accomplished by channeling that into something productive?! Yeah. I don't want to regret wasted time and energy anymore, either. And after the last year, I'm out of extra emotional energy for the wasting anyway.

And, most of all, because I'm not going to pretend the lack's not there anymore than I'll let myself be defined by it. It is what it is, just as much as I can't control my height (but I can improve my posture) or my grey hair (but I can dye it). I'll make the absolute most out of my current single status, but acknowledging reality is neither a whining complaint nor a cry for complimentary platitudes. I know why I haven't gotten married yet - I've needed this time to grow and learn. I am an amazing woman now, far better than I was a year ago, and I am sooooo glad I didn't meet Mr. Right a moment sooner.

Please join me in embracing the awesomeness of what's there and letting go of what we can't control. And thank you, as always, for your love and good intentions. I appreciate it.

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

Nothing summarizes my year of working toward hitting 30 better than these famed words by Charles Dickens:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Sure, he was referring to the French Revolution and grandiose things that changed the world. I'm just talking about 12 months of my life - but, hey, still applies. My 29th year was, in so many ways, completely devastating and heartbreaking - letting go of longtime hopes on the family front, battling the reemergence of longtime health problems, falling hard for someone and then being left puzzled by something lovely unraveled. Oh, and all of those came to a head at the same time. Overwhelming is an understatement! I literally cried every day for about six weeks during the worst of it. Basically everything between December and May is a hazy blur. I feel like I lost a season of my life.

But at the same time, all of that heartbreak came with immense illumination. I could never have become the stronger, more confident, more compassionate, more patient version of myself without wading through those experiences. More on that in #4.

And so, without further adieu, here's a recap of where I stand on each of my "30 by 30" goals:

1. Become a "True Aggie."
   
   
   DONE!!! Thank you, Patrick, darling. Taxes AND True Aggiedom all in one weekend? He's pretty amazing like that. :) We've been friends (and sometimes more) for almost a dozen years now, and I absolutely adore the guy. So glad we managed to make this happen before he moved out of state!
   
   
2. Visit five new states. Sadly, I failed on this one. I did add Georgia to the list, but that was all. Plenty of travels - Southern California, Seattle, Denver, Tetons, Yellowstone - but not much new territory covered.
   
   
3. Go on 30 dates.
   
   
   DONE!!! It was an amazing journey, too. More on that here. I've been on quite a few dates since then, too, and I love it! Dating is such a fun way to expand horizons and get to know people on a different level than in "the friend zone," even if you only go on a date or two with a person. Admittedly, it's taken me a long time to shake off the disappointment (and continuing confusion) of one of the guys, but I'm looking forward to diving into my new life in Orem, getting back out there, and making the most of my last year in the YSA world. (For you non-LDS folks, we get kicked out of singles congregations at 31. The pressure is on!)
   
   
4. Become my authentic self. DONE!!! This was, hands down, the biggest challenge on the list. It meant opening up a Pandora's box and working through the disappointments and heartbreak I've swept under the rug for a lifetime. But I stepped up to the challenge, and it's been the most rewarding - albeit heartbreaking - thing I've ever done. I've done well by myself where this is concerned. Am I perfect? No. But I'm doing my absolute best to be true to myself, and that's enough.
   
   Furthermore, I've learned that letting go, while disappointing, is sometimes all you can do. It's so, so, so vital for sanity's sake to recognize what you can and can't control, and to learn to be comfortable with the unknown. I'm still working on it, but I'm definitely better at it now than I was a year ago. And nothing is forever! Relationships - familial, friends, romantic - evolve and change. Goodness knows I've had enough people cycle in and out of my life at various times. So stepping away from a loved one for now doesn't mean they won't circle back later. The upside is that when they do circle back, it's because they realize your value. Chasing after them will never accomplish that. We all deserve to be loved and cherished by those we love and cherish. Reciprocity is sooooo important in all areas of life. Sometimes we'll give more than we take, but it should balance out in the aggregate.
   
   
5. Attend the temple at least 30 times.  DONE!!! I also started working my way through all the temples in Utah, and I've only got three left there (St. George, Monticello, and Oquirrh Mountain - although I have been to St. George and Oquirrh Mountain before, just not in this go-around).
   
   
6. Learn to ski. DONE!!! Well, attempted, at least. And I hated every minute of my miserable day on the slopes. But, hey, I did give it a try, at least.
   
   
7. Drive Route 66. Boo! Didn't happen. Honestly, I'm glad, because I've needed to have flexibility with my PTO this year. But I should be able to make this happen in the spring. I'm itching to hit the open road for a few weeks and explore!!!
   
   
8. Go on a cruise with my best friends. Nope. But at least Haas and I got to visit Tabitha in Georgia, which was lovely, and I now live 5-10 minutes from Rebecca (we both moved to Orem the same week!). I absolutely love these three women (only two pictured below - we need a more current quartet shot!). They are my foundation, and I am so ridiculously blessed to have them in my life! Hopefully we can get away for girls' weekends annually when their kids get a little older...
   
   
   
   
9. Be debt-free. Working on it - should be by 31.
   
   
10. Sew what? No, my sewing machine just kept gathering dust. But now that I have a craft room and a sewing table, this one should get in motion. After all, I've got a home to decorate now! Planning to make my own curtains and pillows for the living room.
    
    
11. Get at least one really, really good kiss.
    
    
    
    You'd think, right? 30+ dates with 20-something guys, and I should've managed at least ONE?! But I don't kiss quickly or outside the context of a relationship, True Aggie-ness excepted (and we were so down to business about it!). I did have good chemistry with one of the guys, but we didn't get past holding hands (awwwww... presh). So. Let's throw this on the list again.
    
    
12. Hike Mt. Washburn. Health problems sidelined me through much of the last year, and by the time my strength was back, I was too swamped to make time for these hikes. However, I will be accomplishing this one on my upcoming Idaho trip. [UPDATE: DONE!!! As my blistered feet can attest. Totally worth it, though. Veni, vidi, vici, folks. And guess who bought a National Parks pass?! Soooo excited!!!]
    
    
13. Hike the Y. See #12 - planning to go with Stacy soon, to make up for our failed attempt at graduation ages ago.
    
    
14. Hike Timp. See #12. My company goes every fall, so I figured I'd join in there, but it's not happening this year! So I'll have to get some friends to try this before it gets too cold.
    
    
15. Read 30 books. Hmmmm... close, but not quite. According to Goodreads, I read 20 books since last August. I might have missed reporting one or two in there, but still, I didn't quite hit 30. Darn!
    
    
16. Finish the Book of Mormon twice. Halfway there? I finished it once and am working on another go-around.
    
    
17. Get starstruck. Well... I downloaded a star app and did a good amount of stargazing this year, including enjoying the Perseid meteor shower in the middle of the night in the Tetons (one of the most exquisite celestial experiences of my life!). But I didn't study up on this like I'd wanted.
    
    
18. Lose 30 pounds. Boo, health problems! I didn't lose 30 more, but I did manage to maintain last summer's weight loss for the most part. I discovered the awesomeness of the paleo diet and really love how I feel when I'm skipping glutens and sugar - but it's hard to do that when you're crunched for time! Hoping to get back to that when things settle down in a few weeks.
    
    
19. Make time to WRITE. Nope. Heartbreak zaps all of my desire and sparkle to write. So beyond finishing a personal narrative from last summer, this didn't happen (although I did journal a bunch during the Mr.24-29 episode). And I'm still in repair, but hopefully I can make this a priority for my 30s in general. I love writing!!!
    
    
20. Just dance. Not as much as I'd like. I did discover yoga this year, so yay for that! I do best in a structured class environment, so I'm hoping to do zumba at the Orem Rec Center a bunch and get back in the swing of attending Ballet Blast, though. Feels sooooo good!
    
    
21. Sing, sing, sing.
    
    
    
    DONE!!! Ah! Finally! Another success. This one had a few success iterations, too - singing with Lehi Chorale last Christmas, taking voice lessons (if only for a little while), getting into the audition-only Mapleton Chorale for this year (we're a couple weeks into rehearsals, and I LOVE it!!!). Feels amazing to have choral singing back in my life again weekly. I quite love it.
    
    
22. Put my clothes away in the closet, not on the floor. DONE!!! Well... at least I was... and then I got close to moving and stopped caring, haha. But my new bedroom has so much space! I have a double closet that takes up the entire length of my room, complete with built-in shelves and whatnot. No excuse to not be on top of this.
    
    
23. Reinstate "Christa Dates." DONE!!! I go through busy-busy waves and need to get better/consistent with this, but one of the lessons learned with the health problems is to listen to my poor body and learn to slooooooow dooooooooown sometimes. So I've learned to make plans by myself, whether it be going to a movie, taking a canyon drive, or browsing the outlets in Park City. Extroverted as I am, that alone time is golden.
    
    
24. Stop snoozing. Bahahahaha... no. Such a hard habit to break! Still working on it...
    
    
25. Give up the Diet Pepsi once and for all. DONE!!! And then my life got insane this month with moving and traveling... and I got back on the bottle. Curses!!! I'll have to go through the withdrawal process all over again in a week, when I give it up again after Labor Day. Not a pretty sight, but I did feel better not needing the fix to wake up my brain.
    
    
26. Write in my journal weekly. Not so much - which is funny, because usually writing is sooooo therapeutic for me to process stuff. But I couldn't stand the thought of dealing with stuff in real time and then reliving it on paper. So... now that I'm back to good, I should get on top of this again.
    
    
27. Learn to poach an egg.
    
    
    DONE!!! My darling friend Emily was sweet enough to film a tutorial for me, and I did follow it step by step in order to make some amazing Eggs Benedict from scratch. So fun!!!
    
    
28. Make the most of my commute. DONE!!! I could've done this even more, but I did up my audiobooks and Church talk listening on the drive. It makes such a difference. Some of my favorites: the audio of Jacqueline Kennedy's interviews a few months after JFK's assassination, Tina Fey's Bossypants, and many a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell.
    
    
29. Run a 5K. I did two 5Ks this year - Color Me Rad back in April, and then the Freedom Run in July - but health problems wiped me out from running and training as I'd hoped. Actually, it was when walking the color run left me flat on my back in bed for two days that I realized something was seriously wrong, healthwise. And now I'm fine! Really need to make this happen for the 30th year.
    
    
30. Channel my inner Annie Oakley. Nope, and I don't even have a good excuse other than a busy schedule and other priorities. Hopefully I can go shooting with my cousin this fall.

30 by 30: The 2/3 Update

Whew - eight months down, only four to go until I hit the big 3-0. I've slashed through some goals like a madwoman in the last four months, but I still have quite a ways to go. Think I can finish up the list by August 30th?

#1: True Aggie - DONE! Thank you, Patrick. Convenient that the night before his birthday (on which we already had plans to do my taxes, since he's my accountant this year) just happened to be a full moon, right?

#2: Five new states / #7: Drive Route 66 - These are going to be tough and might not happen. I've decided to scale back my traveling this year, and the trips planned are all to places I've already been. But who knows? Maybe I can swing something. Getting through all remaining 50 states is one of my goals for my 30s. :)

#3: 30 dates - DONE! And what a wonderful journey that was - more on it here. (You would've hoped that #11: Get at least one really, really good kiss would've come out of the 30 dates, but alas... still working on this one.)

I do have to say, the most humbling part of the 30 dates was realizing that although I have the dating thing down now... relationships are an entirely different creature altogether, and I'm still totally clueless on that front. Painful (so painful!) to learn lessons of the heart by trial and error. Every time I see my hashmarked list for the 30 dates with the little heart drawn on the one representing the guy who stood out above the rest, it tugs at my heartstrings. So much potential, but I gave into fear and insecurity, inadvertently sending out shut-down signals when that's the LAST thing I wanted. It might recover... but it might not, and knowing my actions and words share blame there absolutely kills me. But what can you do? Making mistakes and then learning from them is part of the joy of being human.

#4: Authentic self - There's no way to articulate the education and growth that's come in the last few months in particular - and much of it's too close to my heart to blog anyways - but let's just say this one's definitely progressing, and I will be a better, wiser woman for it. So many lessons, so much deepening and broadening. If you want to read some wise words, check out Ordinary Courage and Superhero Journal - these women know what they're talking about!

#5: Attend the temple 30 times - More than halfway there! I'm enjoying skipping around to the different temples around Utah (plus I got San Diego and Seattle in the count). This summer I'll be planning trips to the far-flung ones like Vernal, Monticello, and Manti to get to all 12 operating temples in Utah by my birthday.

#6: Learn to ski - DONE! And by done, I mean I pathetically attempted to learn... for one MISERABLE hour on the slopes that ended with me tweaking my elbow. Oh holy swallowing my pride! It was awful... but at least I tried (and got a refund from Alta).

#12-#14: Lots of hiking to do this summer (Mt. Washburn, the Y, Mt. Timpanogos) - anyone want to come with?

#21: Sing, sing, sing - I really enjoyed singing for Lamb of God this Easter season. This summer I'm avoiding any time commitments, but come fall, I might audition for the Mapleton Chorale at my friend Harmony's nudging. We'll see. I really miss being in a choir like OCMCO! Oh, and I did start voice lessons, but they only lasted a few weeks because of some extenuating circumstances (and she wasn't a great fit anyways). Might look into a new teacher if I don't do the choir in the fall so my voice is getting the practice it needs.

#22: Put my clothes away in the closet, not on the floor - Might sound dumb, but when I get busy, this one is really hard to do! But I did finally get into the habit, so yay. Took 29 years... but my mother would be pleased, I'm sure.

#26: Write in my journal weekly - Well, this one really picked up in March. Let's just say I had a lot to write out, since I process by writing, and some things aren't bloggable. I'm not the most consistent, but I've mostly kept this up.

#28: Make the most of my commute - I've gone through some awesome audiobooks and listened to great talks, but I really do need to get back in the habit. Peppy music helps me wake up, but these deeper thoughts really are the best way to start the day.

#29: Run a 5K - Well... I'm doing another 5K with Rebecca and Haas and their families this weekend, but my training got sidelined by a crazy schedule, killer cold, and severe insomnia for a good six weeks there, so... running probably won't happen. But I'll enjoy walking it! And I'll shoot to run something in the next few months.

#30: Channel my inner Annie Oakley - In a few weeks I'm finally going shooting with my cousin. Here's hoping I can become a little sure shot!

Having a Ball

Oh, how I love this picture, taken at the BYU Traditions Ball last month, on sooooo many levels.

Seriously, this evening was quite the adventure. I caught a cold in California the weekend before and wasn't nearly back to 100%, and then I had an honest-to-goodness "wardrobe malfunction" - the zipper on my tailored Nordstrom dress decided to break! So it took two friends and myself an hour and a half to get me out the door (an hour trying different fixes before finally sewing me into the danged thing). Then the small zipped portion came undone, so my date and I wound up running to Macey's to get safety pins and then getting Wendy's drive-thru for dinner in our finery... yeah. The events of the day caught up with me halfway through the evening, and by night's end, I could hardly keep my balance in my lovely three-inch heels. Needless to say, it was not at all the fairytale evening I'd scripted in my mind (because, being a writer, I tend to do that - terrible habit, I know).

But, in hindsight - and with a month's distance to displace the disappointment with humor, of course - I guess I'm glad it didn't go according to script. It was still a fun evening, as horrible as I felt, and I'm glad I fought off the temptation to throw in the towel early after all the chaos on the way there. Helped to have a fabulous date, of course. He's the type who could make reading the telephone book an absolute blast, honestly. Such a winner!

But more than the particulars of the actual evening, this picture is a reminder to me to embrace life as it comes and find a way to have a ball regardless. It's never going to go perfectly, and the more hopes you pin on the perfection of anything, the more life will foil your plans, slap you across the face, and remind you that you're not the one in charge here. (In the best possible way, of course.) Life's good at throwing monkeywrenches, but without fail, what we end up with is better than anything we could have plotted, schemed, or dreamed on our own. It just takes a lot of faith and patience to get to that outcome. A LOT. Like, ridiculously huge, copious amounts that are cultivated with each experience, whether we do it the right way or learn from our mistakes. If we're going to have the mayhem no matter what, might as well go with the flow and embrace the messy, unexpected, ridiculous journey along the way, right?

(And it always makes for a better story. Perfection is boring, right?!)

Are You Online, Part 3

Remember how I said I take back what I'd said about online dating?

Well, I think I spoke too soon.

One prince among frogs does not change the fact that the virtual lily pond of dating is heavy on the frog side of things. It's encouraging to know that there are good guys out there... and if I found a winner via the interwebs once, then surely I can find another... but it's really like searching for a needle in a haystack. Tuesday I've got another online-initiated date lined up, and he seems like a great guy -- our phone chat last week went really well -- but still. I suppose it's no more awkward than a traditional blind date, but the process of assessing which ones merit face time seems so unnatural, and the odds aren't great.

But alas, what else is there to do? I'm not about to gather moss in my dating life. Gotta keep things rolling along! I'm doing my part to try the online thing, go to social gatherings where I could meet someone with potential (well, as much as my schedule permits), etc. -- but at the end of the day, I wonder how worthwhile all of that is. Really, it's a matter of your path crossing with the path of someone who's a match, and that doesn't change because of odds. It happens because of inspiration and heavenly help, and there's no forcing that. Better to focus on becoming the woman I need to be, serving others and living my faith, and just letting the rest fall into place as it will. The best things come when least expected, right? (I hope?)

So, here's to saying a prayer in my heart and keeping my proverbial powder dry -- or, in other words, doing what I can and trusting God to honor that and make miracles happen.

The Mystery of Love

My darling friend Nicole blogged this a while ago, but it's so lovely and spot on that I just had to share the wise words - emphasis is mine. Enjoy!

It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some loves grow, and it is a mystery why some loves fail. You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do any more than take the life out of the experience.

Love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its time, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

You need to treat what love brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

If you find someone else in love with you toward whom you feel no love, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how love will deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are very different.

If you fall in love with another who falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know it in time, but time itself will choose the moment.

Remember this and keep it in your heart. You don’t choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it to you. Give it to others who seem poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in any way you can.

Love has its own time, its own season, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it or reason it into staying. If it chooses to leave your heart or the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and nothing you should do. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will surely come again.

- Kent Nerbern

How 30 Dates Changed My Life

All dolled up for Date No. 29

When you think "life-changing feat," what comes to mind? Summiting Mt. Everest? Beating cancer? Giving birth?

For me, it was going on 30 dates in the last 14 months.

In the end, the big boon in the process has had less to do with the dates and more to do with the learning that's come with the journey - about myself, about relationships, about life. (Although the dates have been a ton of fun!)

So, here's the story: Last January, I went out with a man who was in Salt Lake to speak at an event for an interest we shared. Before he came, we'd made plans to go out afterward as colleagues and talk shop. Well, that conversation veered personal, and before I knew it, I was hearing almost daily via Facebook, texting, and phone calls from this amazing man more than a dozen years my senior who was, hands down, the most fascinating guy I'd ever met.

It was like a dream - after ages of feeling totally overlooked by guys, here was a well-known blogger and former diplomat with an amazing professional and personal reputation (even with his own Wikipedia page and an interview on the Mormon Channel's Why I Believe!!!) taking an interest in little ol' me. He was stunned when I said I hadn't dated much, and he complimented so many things I'd worried were liabilities, not assets - my intellectual curiosity, my enthusiasm, my ambition, my passion. I wound up flying to Los Angeles to go out with him again, and it was the best date of my life (up to that point, at least). To feel like I could match wits with and hold the attention of such an accomplished man did wonders. I joke now that he "unblocked my dating chi." Obviously that relationship went nowhere - shortly after my trip, he started chatting it up with his now-wife, although I did manage to squeeze Date No. 3 out of the deal - but it left its mark. Suddenly, for the first time, I had confidence in an arena I'd always considered an Achilles' heel.

And that confidence radiated.

In February 2011, I set the goal of going on 30 dates before my 30th birthday in August 2012. Because things stemmed from that initial January date, I counted retroactively from there. Mind you, I had never been on 30 dates in the prior 12 years of my dating life combined, so thinking I could manage 30 in 20 months was a stretch.

Little did I realize I'd finish a full five months ahead of schedule!!!

The cadence really was like a snowball - a few one-off dates through spring and summer, then a few each with two guys in fall/winter (along with more one-off dates mixed in there), and suddenly eight dates in the last month. It helped that I decided last March to really get out of my comfort zone and live, making the most of the 18 months standing between me and 30, whether it be attending brunch discussion groups in Provo (at which I met the guy responsible for Date No. 4) or asking a buddy on a double date to an art museum (Date No. 5) or being vivacious enough to catch the attention of a few guys from my ward. Some were friend-dates (including a few where I asked, like a casual lunch date with a longtime friend for Date No. 30), but most have been legitimate dates: the guy wasn't a buddy first, and he asked, planned, paid, etc. You know, the kind I could literally count on two hands before this year? It's been lovely!!!

In the mix were a few duds (who still were really nice, good guys - just not my taste), but the majority of the 17 guys behind the 30 dates have been absolute gems!!! I feel privileged to have spent quality one-on-one time with each, getting a glimpse into their worlds.

Like I said, the best thing to come out of this whole journey isn't so much the dates themselves, but rather the self-discovery process I've experienced. I am not at all the same woman I was one year ago! Here are some of my favorite lessons learned through the adventure (in addition to those I've already blogged):

There's No One Better to Be Than Yourself

Probably the biggest lesson to come out of this journey was how vital it is to just accept yourself, quirks and all. I remember being so anxious after one of the early dates because I felt so unsure after the fact, wearing my heart on my sleeve and being such a chatterbucket in stark contrast to my date, who was a blank slate. The next evening while out to dinner with my darling (and thoroughly no-nonsense) grandma, I gave her an earful about my insecurities, questioning whether it was a liability for me to be so intense and passionate, if that was something I should work to change. Her response was perfect - "Christa, that's just you. You've always been that way! It's not good or bad - it just is." Wow, how her words changed my world! Sure, there are always rough edges we could stand to polish and knock off - but there are some character traits that are innately us and that make us who we are. Could you imagine a Christa who isn't intense and passionate and talks a mile a minute, hands flying?! How boring would that be, right?! I just plain wouldn't be me. As Judy Garland wisely once said, "Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."

It's so liberating to just come to peace with being who we are, for better or worse. Is that going to be a match for everyone? Definitely not. But will it attract the right person? Absolutely. My favorite of all the guys was someone who was actually a lot like me, from interests and tastes to mannerisms and enthusiasm. For crying out loud, we even phrased texts the same way! And what was so awesome was that it freed me up to be comfortably and perfectly myself, more than I'd been with any of the other guys. With him, I could be me in all my ridiculous glory (down to Wikipedia-ing the term for the smell of rain on pavement - petrichor, in case you were wondering - between bites of dessert) because he was the same kind of person. It was validating as all get out, not to mention ridiculously fun.

What Heats Up Must Cool Down

The biggest blunder I made along this journey was going on five dates with the same guy in one week. I've seen friends become insta-couples with success, so I didn't worry too much and got swept away in the moment. However, in hindsight, it was too much too fast. Not to use a cheesy analogy, but think of a microwave vs. a crockpot - one might heat things up in a jiffy, but microwaved food also cools off a lot faster than stuff simmered all day in a slow-cooker. Sure enough, I could sense him start distancing on Date No. 5 (which was supposed to be No. 2), and Date No. 6 included the "I'm not sure about this" conversation within an hour of seeing each other for the first time in nearly two weeks (I'd been out of town in between dates). Ironically, space was coming inevitably, thanks to a packed schedule ahead - I didn't have a free weekend for a month anyways - but... oh well. Chalk that one up to experience. No matter how much you want to see That Amazing Guy, just say no to more than one date a week at first, kids. Otherwise you risk burning out what could be a perfectly good thing with proper pacing.

There Are Lots of Frogs - But the Princes Make it Worthwhile (and the Frogs Make for Great Stories!)

Oh, dating. That old saying about having to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince is, sadly, incredibly true. Well, or in my case, you have to wade through a lot of frogs online who aren't even worth a date, go out with a range of guys along the frog-to-prince spectrum, and occasionally find an amazing prince among amphibians. For every guy I actually went on a date with from online, there were probably at least five more who I communicated with to some degree without ever meeting, exchanging a few emails that never ignited much interest. There were a couple guys who flew their creeper flags right off the bat - one to whom I prematurely gave my number texted me on a random Saturday morning, asking me to text him photos (ummmm, NO. Never. I'd die first!), and another who IM'ed me and right off the bat asked me if being 5'10 meant I was all legs (!). These situations, while somewhat offensive and annoying, got more laughter out of me than anything. It's like, seriously?!?! Is this actually happening?!

But, in the end, every experience is worthwhile. The bad ones make for the best stories - my date on No. 30 and I were swapping some doozies and laughing soooooo hard!!! - and then the good ones are just plain delightful. The 30 might have included some of my worst dates ever, but more importantly, it included the best dates of my life, both in terms of magical moments and quality men. And there were a lot of average-to-good dates in there that I enjoyed, too, even if they weren't anything particularly special. I still had fun and learned a lot about people and life in general with all of them. One guy is a physics grad student, so talking with him gave me insight into this whole other slice of the world that I haven't touched since my freshman year physical science class, for instance. One guy got the label "Mutual Ambivalence" - we always had a lot of fun together, but he never followed up on his "I'll call you soon" pledge until we ran into each other again at something involving mutual friends, and I wasn't interested enough to be too concerned either way. It keeps happening to this day, and I just laugh afterward every time.

If you asked me to choose my favorite of the 30, it'd be almost impossible. I think the most glamorous and grandiose was definitely when I went to L.A. We went to lunch at this chic little Greek restaurant in Larchmont Village, a district of the city that this native Angelena didn't even know existed! Sitting at a sidewalk cafe with crisp white linens across the table from a fascinating man, ensconced in animated, scintillating conversation, was amazing. The memory still brings a grin to my face! After lunch we drove around West L.A. to the place my date swore had the best fruit tarts in all of Los Angeles - and I think he was right. I'm not a big fruit tart fan, and these things were delicious!!! The date was three hours of total fun, and I thoroughly enjoyed that interlude for all it was worth.

However... I still don't know if that was my favorite. The most magic came toward the end, connecting with one of the guys on a deeper level. The what's of our dates were great but nothing over the top - dinner at some delicious restaurants, swinging on swings at my office's playground, going to a movie or a planetarium laser show. But what brought magic was clicking and just plain having fun. Seriously, I did not realize dating could be so carefree and easy and thoroughly fun until our dates!!! No nerves, no stress, no drama - just pure, unbridled joy and enthusiasm.

That whole interlude changed my dating game forever. Now I know how great dating can be - being treated well, having a solid chemistry and connection, enjoying the journey, come what may. Never again will I be able to settle for what I thought dating was before, because I can see that I am worth so much more - and that I can find someone worthy of my reciprocity, too. Oh, and what everyone said it being clear when a guy's interested? Totally true. You really don't have to wonder when it's someone worth your time because he'll seek you out. It whet my appetite to have that kind of experience again, and I can't wait to find it in a way that'll stick forever someday. That insight and lesson alone made any and every tear and frustrating moment among the 30 worthwhile.

Kind of funny how the two stand-out experiences ended up being bookends, huh? Ah, the poetry of it all. As much as I love writing... well... let's just say that my best stories write themselves, and I'm just along for the ride. Sometimes things play out far more perfectly than I could ever have scripted them.

Are You Online, Part 2

I take back everything bad I said about online dating.

That is all.

Perfectly Matched or Opposites Attract?

So, friends, after such great answers on my "How You Knew" query last fall, I thought it was time to do a little more researching of the heart.

Today's question: is it better to date someone who is really different (opposites attract) or who is a lot like you (great minds think alike)?

One of my best friends and I were discussing this a few weeks ago while shopping in Park City. She always catches me up on the latest with her siblings (we all grew up together) and was telling me about her sister's recent romance. Apparently it was like dating a twin! The guy and my friend's sister had so much in common, she said it was like dating herself in male form - and it weirded her out!

I can't remember if that guy is the same one she's dating now or if that was a flash in the pan, but that thought made me laugh. Honestly, I can't decide - would that be pretty much the best thing ever, finding someone who has the same interests, same sense of humor, would get all your jokes, etc.? Someone who would just intuitively understand? Or could that be too much of a good thing?

One of my favorite things to do while in the dating scene is to learn from the guys I crush on or go out with - take an interest in their interests and thereby get a glimpse into something new (although I've slacked off on that lately). If you're dating someone who has all the same interests, hobbies, etc., then could that still happen? But, really, if you have way too much fun in the same interests, then does that even matter?

Anyways... I can argue both sides 'til the cows come home and still not reach a definite conclusion. So, what do you guys think? What have you seen work well (or not) from your experiences?

Marry Me...

Happy Leap Year Day!

Today is the one day every four years when a woman can propose. Sadly... when a colleague asked yesterday who my intended lucky fella would be today... I drew a blank.

And then the wheels started spinning.

So my newfound goal for today is to propose to as many single guys as possible. Y'know, just because I can. Hopefully I'll be married by the time Leap Day rolls around again in 2016 -- don't want to squander this once-in-four-years opportunity, right?

And according to Wikipedia, I'm up for some fun compensation if the men say no:

• Supposedly, a 1288 law by Queen Margaret of Scotland (then age five and living in Norway), required that fines be levied if a marriage proposal was refused by the man; compensation ranged from a kiss to £1 to a silk gown, in order to soften the blow.
• In Denmark, the tradition is that women may propose on the bissextile leap day, February 24, and that refusal must be compensated with 12 pairs of gloves.
• In Finland, the tradition is that if a man refuses a woman's proposal on leap day, he should buy her the fabrics for a skirt.

A kiss? A silk gown? A dozen pairs of gloves?! This is genius!!!

Really, the only ROI I'm hoping for are some fun laughs with my guy friends. My last engagement was pretty fun, after all. Here's hoping my intended fiances will know I'm  not actually being serious or coming onto them... otherwise that could get awk-ward, and we all know how much I loooooove awkwardness...

{UPDATE: Well, I succeeded in my proposals -- in that I got a lot of laughs and no actual engagements. Which is what I was going for, after all. Most amusing dialogue on my Facebook in a while. But talk about a bonus: two of my intended fiances actually asked me on dates! Granted, they live in other states, but I should be able to help them make good on their promises by summer's end. Score!}

The Conundrum of Rejection

You know, in all the years I wasn't dating, my focus regarding missing out was on all the good things -- the exciting phone calls, fun dates, thrilling relationships, etc.

What I never considered were all of the downsides to dating that I sidestepped -- namely, awkward dates and... even worse... rejection.

Ahhhhh, yes. Rejection. The "ugly underbelly of dating," as my wise friend Barbara puts it. There is NOTHING redeeming or fun about rejection for any party involved. Well, unless the rejected really deserved it... but those are few and far between. With all the dating I've done in the past year, I've been blessed to go out with really, really good guys. Even if I wasn't interested after the date, I was open to the possibility if he asked me on date No. 2, 3, etc. And in all of those cases, we were able to somehow totally evade any overt rejection on either side. The texts / phone calls / Facebook comments fizzled along with the interest, and we're still on friendly terms. No harm, no foul -- and no awkwardness. (Yay for dating as a mature adult!!!)

But among the 20+ dates this year have been a couple duds from the interwebs -- both nice guys who have lacked social graces, interesting conversation, or really anything compelling that would draw me to them. Firmly believing in saying yes to any first date (unless there's a creeper vibe), I've gone on dates where, within the first glance or word from his mouth, I've known it was going to be practice date. Great opportunity to exercise kindness and grace, to learn from him whatever he has to offer in a different view of the world. I'm sure to not leave any false indications of interest at parting, and in both cases I conveniently had a legitimate escape plan so I could make a clean break.

Well... somehow that's backfiring, because in being charming and at ease (because, duh, I'm not worried about making a good impression), I've somehow encouraged the men to continue pursuing. The texts or emails come... and as much as I just want to ignore them and let things fizzle... my hand is forced into being The Rejector.

Ugh.

It is SO much worse to reject than to be rejected! Maybe it's because I'm strong enough, I know that rejection won't crush me. I can handle it, and even if it stings, I'll live. I've done it before; I'll do it again. And I've rejected guys in the past, but they were usually friends first -- and remained friends later. Close friends, in some cases. I cared about them dearly, and that didn't change.

But these guys are total strangers, and we wouldn't be friends. Our paths wouldn't cross if not for dating. There are no commonalities. It's not like these guys won't be able to march right along in life without me in it -- that's not what I'm saying. I just don't want to hurt them at all. I get sooooo hopping mad when I hear about gals who are cruel. There is a lid for every pot, so to speak -- and just because I'm not his lid and he's not my pot doesn't mean that someone out there won't be a good fit! And I wouldn't want to make him question his worth or validity, spoiling him for another. But it's darned tricky to find that sweet spot between a kind response and a clear rejection.

So... two down, and I think I'm getting the hang of it: thank you so much, had a nice time, just not interested, we're not a match, but I wish you all the best. Some say that might be condescending? I certainly don't mean to be. I want to be positive. And I mean it -- I do wish them well.

I just also hope they get the drift and don't call again.

Are You Online?

Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks make online dating look waaaaaay more fun and adorable than it is in reality.

As chagrined as I am to admit this, I am now an active participant in online dating. I've "been online" for a while, but other than that one really awkward/awful date back in November (you know, the one where he audibly mouthed EVERY WORD to EVERY SONG in the concert we were attending? *shudder*), I haven't met up with any of the fellas I've e-met via dating sites.

Until now.

Suddenly I have a date with a 45-year-old attorney this afternoon (to get sodas and talk politics/history) and another date with a 41-year-old pathologist on Saturday, plus I'm communicating with a handful of guys via eHarmony's "free communication" weekend.

And I'm still not sure how I feel about this whole interwebs dating thingamajigger.

On the one hand, the internet is the modern-day watering hole. Mormons don't really do the whole bar scene, so if you're looking to meet people beyond your daily routine, it's kind of a natural way to boost your network. Seeing as I'm on the older end of my ward, there are only a handful of guys in my dating range there. And work? Well... I can count the number of single guys I know at our company on two hands. Not to say there's not quality there, because there are some total winners - but there's not quantity. And I do have friends or hear about friends of friends who met reputable, upstanding, awesome spouses via the interwebs, so I know it caaaan be done. In theory.

On the other hand... online dating just is not natural. Online profiles and emailed "flirts" are no replacement for standing face to face with a cute guy and conversing (both verbally and nonverbally). You really can't get a feel for someone from online interaction, nor can you make judgment calls on whether someone's a stud or dud based on any objective standard like age, height, career, etc. Those decisions require meeting up... which requires spending valuable time going through the hoops of emailing and meeting up. Which sometimes sounds less appealing than shoving bamboo under my fingernails. Or doing accounting.

Have any of you had successes or horror stories with the world of online dating?

{PS: So... I bailed on today's date. I know. Awful. Legitimately, I'm not feeling up to "discussing politics and the Constitution" (something I do love, but not for today). But, really, I also don't have any business dating a man who's closer in age to my father than to me. Any way you slice it, that's creepy, and I'd rather not waste anyone's time from the get-go.}

The Numbers Game

Within the span of two days, I've been texted up by a 24 year old and a 45 year old. When on earth did I hit the age where either extreme is socially acceptable?! It still kinda weirds me out. Age certainly is no determinant of quality or maturity... but I think +/- 5 years is going to be a better fit than -6/+15...

The Late Bloomer's Revolution

Lately I've been listening to Amy Cohen's hilarious (and acerbic) memoir of the single life, The Late Bloomer's Revolution, on my commute. A former sitcom writer and producer, Cohen has a fabulous way of describing thoughts and feelings that are fairly universal for singletons. The details of her life may be a million miles from mine, but—oh man. I can relate. Especially to this excerpt from this morning's chapter which pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about dating right now:

It wasn’t that I had so much free time—it was just that unlike my married friends who had children, I had very little to show for it. In fact, if I added up all the time I spent setting up the first date, choosing what to wear, meeting for drinks or dinner or coffee or brunch, coming home not sure I was into him but wanting him to call anyway, getting the call, anticipating the second date, choosing what to wear again, going on the second date, deciding I kind of liked him, going on the third date, deciding I really liked him, going out a few more times, fantasizing about our bike trip to Italy, getting more serious, feeling happy to be alive, wondering if things were getting weird or whether it was just my imagination, obsessing over why things didn’t work out, chastising myself for not trusting my instincts in the first place, losing a week or four to mild—then extreme—depression, slowly feeling better, vowing to forge ahead and not get jaded, starting the whole process all over again—I could have gotten my MD, read all of Proust, and written an opera in German. Twice.

Yep. Twenty-two dates over the past year, each averaging about three hours, plus an hour or so getting ready for each (and countless hours before and after spent examining and analyzing), and all those communiques in the interim... And, really, I'm no closer to a relationship now than I was when all the dating started nearly a year ago.

It hasn't been a total wash, certainly—I've learned plenty about myself, about dating, and about life in general from the process—but... it's getting old, and it almost makes me wonder if my former date-free norm wasn't so bad after all. Maybe I can just hang around the house in my PJs, and somehow Mr. Right will magically show up on my doorstep... right?

What? It doesn't work that way? *sigh* Alright. Back to the trenches.

30 by 30: The 1/3 Update

Hard to believe it, but yesterday was the four-month mark since my birthday - which means there are only eight months left to make my 30 by 30 list a reality. How's the progress coming along? Well, I thought it was time for an update, so here's where we stand:

• #2: Visit five new states - I went to Georgia in October, so one down, four to go. Boston's up in the air, but I'm feeling strongly like Route 66 will be a go this year, so I'll start making actual plans for it soon. 
• #3: Go on 30 dates - Well, I've made it to 22, so just eight more to go. I think it's doable. Counting them seems silly, so I'll be glad to check this one off, honestly. It feels wrong to make each date a hash-mark on my way to making a goal, especially when some of these guys are just plain wonderful.
• #5: Attend the temple 30 times - Shoot! This one's tough, because I don't always jot down in my planner if I go, and I didn't think to start a hash-mark tally until now. So, from what I could count from my dayplanner, I've been eight times. I think it's more - I was going pretty much weekly from September through November, with some interruption from all the traveling I did in that time - but it's not like it'd be bad to go more than 30, so I'll start counting the next 22. Starting in January, I'm planning to do a session at each of the temples in Utah in 2012, of which there are 12 in operation - I'll try to get through as many of those as I can by my birthday. And for the record, I have come to love the Draper temple deeply, so check on that one!
• #6: Learn to ski - Four lessons booked at Alta, starting Jan. 21. I'm excited!

• #7: Drive Route 66 - See #2. When else will I have friends scattered literally all the way along the route? Chicago, St. Louis, Tulsa, Amarillo, Albuquerque, Sedona, and L.A., not to mention friends in Denver and Omaha for the drive from Utah to Chicago (I think I'd rather drive Lola than get a rental) - I'll only have to pay for a place to stay a handful of nights if I do it this year! So now the debate is timing. I'd wanted to go in the fall, so it'd be cooler, but I don't want to miss out on stuff that closes Labor Day, so... we'll see. Again, whether Boston happens and when will impact this trip's timing.

• #15: Read 30 books / #16: Read the Book of Mormon twice / #28: Make the most of my commute - At least five read so far, according to my Goodreads. Thank heavens audiobooks count! They're making my commute so enjoyable. I finished the Book of Mormon that way and got so much more out of it listening than I usually do reading. I'm a couple chapters into The Late Bloomer's Revolution and am LOVING it. I've got another five audiobooks from Audible to dive into after that one, too, including E.L. Doctorow's Ragtime, which I've wanted to read forever, David McCullough's 1776, and Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers.
• #21: Sing, sing, sing - I'm starting voice lessons in just a few days with my cousin Rob's friend Amanda, through Hale Center Theatre Orem. Pretty excited!
• #25: Give up the Diet Pepsi - This'll be a tough one, but I'm biting the bullet and giving it up with the advent of the new year tomorrow. I've got a detox drink a friend recommended (which is delish!) in lieu of the soda, and I've got PLENTY of ibuprofen on hand for the impending headaches. And, how perfect is this, but I've got one refill left on my soda punch card. Time to redeem that and be done.
• #27: Learn to poach an egg - DONE!!! Today I was feeling particularly culinary, so I not only poached an egg - I made Eggs Benedict, complete with from-scratch Hollandaise sauce and steamed asparagus. It was amazing! The egg wasn't nearly as hard as I'd expected, especially thanks to a handy-dandy video tutorial made just for me by my dear friend Emily.

The rest of them need some work, but I'll get there... eventually. At least I've made a good start, right?

2011: A Year in Review

Ringing in 2011 with the Davis clan in Provo - can't believe that was a year ago!

Hey, friends! Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to all of you! 2011 has been quite an incredible year. In many ways it's been "the best of times and the worst of times," filled with amazing adventures and the realization of long-held dreams as well as some heartbreaking disappointments. I've also been a sidelines observer to some amazing triumphs and hard times friends have experienced, and the resilience of the human spirit never ceases to amaze. I'm no doubt a better, stronger, and more authentic woman than I was when the year kicked off in January, and I can't wait to see what further growth 2012 will bring.

Anyways. On to the fun stuff. Here are some highlights from the past year:

• 16,250 miles traveled on 10 trips to/through 9 states and 1 Canadian province - and that doesn't include many trips along the Wasatch Front to Layton, Logan, and the like (which, on days like today, tack on 200 miles!). This year I journeyed to San Francisco, Capitol Reef, Glacier/Waterton/Banff/Calgary, Yellowstone/Island Park, Denver, Savannah/Atlanta, and Southern California times four (but at least to varying parts - L.A., Orange County, and San Diego). For the record, I miss Savannah and/or Banff on a near-daily basis. And I LOVE that I can say that I miss places like Savannah and Banff. Jet-setting has been a blast!



• 18 plays, 20 concerts, and 4 Sundance Film Festival flicks thoroughly enjoyed. There's such a vibrant scene of local performing arts talent around here, it's awesome!!! Those concerts range from local bands in block parties, clubs, and even their parents' homes to choirs like OCMCO or the Mormon Tabernacle in concert halls to the Pacific Symphony playing the 1812 Overture in the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater while visiting Orange County; the plays range from Broadway tours and professional companies to very, very amateur local productions. Professional or amateur, I've loved them all!



Rosie and I got to meet Kevin Clash, the man behind Elmo!


Photo snagged from Justin Hackworth


Photo snagged from Hue & Hum - see my shoulder in the tan jacket on the left?
• Oh, and let's not forget taking the stage for 1 amazing, technicolor production and 2 performances at Temple Square during the Christmas season with the Lehi Chorale. Wish I had bandwidth to do more! Can't wait to start voice lessons next week and dive into next summer's show in the spring.


• 21 dates with 12 amazing men, ranging in age from 25 to 43, with 1 more date (with possibly 1 more guy) slated for the weekend... but still 0 relationships to show for it (despite getting the label of "wifeypoo" from this summer's stage hubster). All this dating's exhausting! But I'd rather be dating than not, so... it's worth it. I've really enjoyed getting to know these guys, but I'm still definitely not used to interacting with guys I know strictly in the dating sense (as opposed to my former normal of going on dates with guys who were friends first). It's a learning process, that's for sure. Better late than never!
• 3 roommates and 2 wards, despite not moving an inch (which was LOVELY, considering I moved three times from Nov. 2009 to Sept. 2010!)
• 1 royal wedding viewed with 2 lovely friends at 3:30 a.m. via streaming internet - and yes, many happy tears were shed. Love Wills and Kate!


• 3 speeding tickets - I know, I know, slooooooow doooooooown...
• 5 temples visited, including many a trip to the temples in Newport Beach and Draper, lest this list seem all vapid and ridiculous. I wish I could've actually gone in and spent time at the Cardston Temple, but it didn't work with the travel schedule. Ah, well - maybe next time. I can't wait to add the Brigham City temple to the list next year, and the Fort Collins, Colorado, temple soon as well!

• 30 lbs. lost... but let's not talk about how many came back from 7 boxes of Candy Cane Joe-Joe's, mmmmmkay? ;) Hitting the gym again tomorrow... *sigh*

• 1 promotion at work and a 2-year work-iversary celebrated - hooray for finally finding a job into which I can settle and stay put! 
  
• 3 sections of the GRE passed with flying colors, and 1 Utah State University class toward my masters completed with an A! Just 10 more classes to go...

WHEW!!! What a year! 

Just flipping through my planner to recap makes me exhausted. It's been an intense year, but wow, it's been such a blast. Being too busy has been great in some ways because it's made me evaluate how I'm spending my energy, and there are certain things that just plain aren't worth it. If it means dropping some relationships, sadly, so be it - much like Elphaba sings in"Defying Gravity,"

I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try, I'll never know.

Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost - 

Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost! 

I'd sooner buy defying gravity.

Amen and amen! My theme and goal for 2012 is to truly defy gravity - to stop imposing silly limits on myself, being hemmed in and held back by insecurities lacking in any real basis other than falsehoods that got drilled into me over the years by people who should've complimented instead of criticized, myself included. Why I let such negativity seep in over the years, I'll never know - but now that I see it, I can make the future better, and that's what really matters, right?

Anyways... that's my adventure from this year. I can't wait to see the exciting things 2012 will bring!!! 

How about you, friends? Any fun journeys taken or lessons learned in 2011?