Happy People Are Successful People

This TEDxBloomington talk is completely and totally FASCINATING. Take the 12+ minutes to listen to it:


Did you know it's a proven fact that your brain is 31% more productive when it's happy?

And it's something you can learn. If you can learn to be positive in the present, then you're able to work even better. As your brain floods with dopamine, things fire better, and voila! Success.

So, here are five action items that, if done for a few minutes every day, will lead to a happier, more productive, more successful you:

• Practice gratitude--specifically, find three new things for which you are grateful
• Write in a journal
• Exercise
• Spend time meditating
• Perform random acts of kindness

I haven't quite mastered all of these, but I do know that as I've incorporated more of these into my daily life recently, the effect is amazing! I truly am so radiantly happy and feel like I can conquer the world when I choose to view things through a positive lens. It's not always easy. Today I got the rug pulled out from under me, so to speak, with the unanticipated consequence to what I thought was a good decision, and it's definitely crushing. But... I still trust in the well-pondered decision, regardless the outcome, and while I could--and, admittedly, have--stressed and second-guessed because of the unexpected results, I'm trying to instead focus on the learning process gained by the experience and to trust that good things will play out in the long run. 

How happy we are really, truly, completely is our own choice. It's a matter of the lens we choose to view life through, and a happy, positive one always leads to a better outcome!

How to Talk to Girls (and Other Words of Wisdom)

This kid could teach some lessons to most of the single guys whose dating (and, hey, even just friendship) paths have crossed mine in recent years. Seriously. GENIUS!



So, speaking of dating... gotta share some game-changing experiences and insights of late.

To set up the context, I don't know the last time that my love life was a complete blank slate. Even when I made major state-to-state moves, there was almost always some lingering crush or long-distance relationship that I hoped would pan out down the road. Life's been such nonstop crazy since I moved in August that I have yet to start a new social life in town. But now that the dust is settling, I feel overwhelmingly that it's time for a new chapter of my life to begin.

And this is going to be the best chapter yet, friends! I'm so thrilled to see what's ahead, I can barely stand it!!! Giddy is an understatement.

But first, I had to clear up one lingering question mark: newfound interest in an amazing guy friend. Whether we'd be a match had yet to be determined, but guys of his caliber don't come along every day, so... I boldly sent him a more sophisticated take on "Do you like me? Check yes or no." He went for no, but good glory, friends, I've never been so thrilled for a rejection in all my life!!! After sending off the note, I seriously felt... ambivalent? I don't know how to explain it. Either outcome was a fabulous option, and both were better than this tepid wasteland of uncertainty. I felt strongly, though, that his answer was secondary to the fact that I'd dared greatly. I followed a distinct impression toward a path of action that scared the daylights out of me, and I lived to tell the tale--no regrets! I get to just plain enjoy this awesome friendship without any of that weirdness what creeps in with "what are we?" confusion.

Now I get to dive into the Provo/Orem social scene completely and totally unfettered by any outstanding emotional entanglements--and, better yet, I get to put into action all of the lessons learned from my crash course in dating along with all the insights, healing, and joy found in the new heart I've built since the old one shattered last spring. I've changed so much in the last year, it's startling. Was the process brutal? Yes--but now I get to enjoy the payoff of the blood, sweat, and tears: WISDOM. Dude. There is no putting a price tag on that gem!!! It truly is priceless.

And let's not forget the other payoff: CONFIDENCE. Seriously, how can you ever gain it except to take that risk, challenge your status quo, and succeed?! Nothing is a bigger factor in being attractive, either, than confidence--knowing that you're a good person doing good things in the world, making the most of the raw material at your fingertips. I've had this flurry of lightbulb moments in the last month, and one of the brightest moments was finally believing, no holds barred, that I am worthy of love and belonging, which is the key to true joy and connection in life. It sounds silly to revel in the knowledge that you're awesome, but anyone who knows my story well knows it's been a 30-year battle to get here. I had some ridiculously hard battles to fight literally from the cradle, but the beauty is that I've done it. I'm not a victim. I am a victor, and I have created a phenomenal life filled with more joy than I ever knew was possible. Life is truly good, friends. So humbled and blessed.

And so excited to put into practice all of these game-changing insights, including these newly gelled winners:

• Don't reject yourself before the guy/girl can. Know the saying "whether you think you can or can't, you're right"? Same idea. Too often we discount our own value and figure the other person wouldn't be interested anyway, so why bother? And so we go for the safety of the friend zone before giving any potential a chance to play out. I totally did this with the aforementioned friend when we first met. After nearly a year of friendship, there's enough foundation to know it's nothing more, but right when meeting someone, there's no way to know! So instead of defaulting to the assumption that it's a friendship--or doing the flipside of falling head over heels for someone you don't even know--just be open. Don't be too quick to affix labels. That first bit of knowing someone is fact-finding. Just enjoy it for what it is, because you never get to return to that blank slate with that person again!
• Worrying and overthinking are surefire roads to disaster. Trust me. If either were Olympic sports, I'd have a boatload of gold medals. Overthinking is a defense mechanism, seeking to make certainty out of something that is inherently uncertain. The more you replay the tape and overanalyze, the more confusing it gets. Worrying is a total energy-waster, too. It might feel like you're actively working on something, but you're not. Switch off the brain, trust your intuition, and just enjoy watching how things unfold. Your energy is better expended in improving what you bring to the table as a partner, since that's just about the only thing you can control in a relationship.
• Trust that your awesomeness will attract the right person. It's that simple. Think of the word "attraction" beyond its dating definition. It's something whose inherent appeal draws the right thing, like a magnet attracting metal. Attraction in dating should be that simple, organic, and effortless. The magnet doesn't do some sort of dog-and-pony show to entice the metal. It doesn't try to morph itself into a different substance that will click with some other target. Granted, magnets don't have brains or emotions to do any of that anyway... but you get the point. All of us (well, except for sociopaths) have some degree of insecurity, especially in this arena. It's natural. But make the effort to overpower that negative impulse with positivity! You can't control other people's actions, interest, reactions, etc. Don't chase after someone who doesn't feel a draw toward you, especially when that could disconnect you from someone who actually does feel drawn into your orbit. All you can do is to play your own cards well and then rest assured that the best thing for you will shake out in whatever form and timeframe. Everyone--EVERYONE--deserves to be at the receiving end of head-over-heels, crazy-stupid love. Seriously, why on earth would you settle for anything less than that?! As Oscar Wilde brilliantly put it, "How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly NORMAL human being?" It's not just the material of Hollywood fairytales. I've seen countless case studies in that kind of love among my nearest and dearest who married well. So sit back and enjoy the journey to that kind of happy ending!
• Have fun! Seriously. Life is a mixed bag, and we can't control circumstances--but we have a heck of a lot more control over our joy level than we often accept. Choose to see the silver linings. Choose to assume the best of people and of situations. Choose to believe that you're awesome--and if you think it, why on earth would anyone disagree? Choose to own your story and to let others own theirs. Mistakes and missteps shape our stories as much as the well-made decisions do. Don't stress. Just roll with it. Life is that we might have joy, and that joy comes from within. Whether it fills your heart or not is up to you--and that kind of radiance is way more attractive than a dour, downcast countenance!

So, here's to a new, clean page in my dating saga. I'm beyond thrilled to break from the past patterns and see how this next chapter will unfold!

Lost and Found

Looking back at 2012, one theme sticks out: loss.

In the course of the past year, I lost hope for relationships with key family members (including straight-up estrangements for most of the year), lost a chance at love (although, if we're being honest, I dodged a bullet with that one), lost my health for several months, my team lost the election (grrrr!!!), and, a few weeks ago, I lost my grandmother, who was my family, best friend, and primary example in life. Oh, and just today I got the news that my grandmother's children are selling her cabin in Island Park—my lifelong haven and refuge—so that's another devastating loss for 2012. Even happy things, like moving to my delightful condo, involved loss—losing the happiest home situation I've ever had, living with my best friend in a place filled with joy and warmth.

So to you, 2012, I have two words: Peace out!

Now, onto the beautiful blank state of 2013 (which I'm kicking off with a one-night stay at the Hotel Del Coronado—hello, bucket-list item!!!)

I've decided that this new year is going to be MY year. As devastating as loss can be, it brings a certain degree of liberation. The voids left by losses can be opportunities to create better, brighter, beautiful possibilities—and I'm going to make finding them the focus of this new year.

Specifically:

• Finding Health and Wealth—Two of my biggest Achilles' heels in life seem to be fitness and finances. Honestly, both stem from a shared root issue: a lack of self-discipline and delayed gratification. This year I plan to attack both with a vengeance!
• Finding Love—And by love, I broaden that scope beyond romance, because love is so much bigger than that. My life is filled with love, and yet too often I either discount available love because it's not the source I crave (i.e. friends instead of family), or I get frustrated with love offered because it's not exactly what I want from that particular individual. I need to work on accepting what love people offer—no more, no less—while trusting in God's goodness to provide what I do need, even when it comes from unexpected places. (And if an unexpected place does happen to be that tall, dark, handsome "Mormon prince" I've been awaiting... well... fabulous!)
• Finding Meaningful Ways to Serve—Rebuilding my broken heart necessitated an inward focus for much of 2012, but I finally feel like I can breathe again! The dust is settling, and with that, I really want to get outside of myself. The two consistent services I did in 2012 were family history and temple work, which are incredibly fulfilling and fabulous, so I want to get back to those. But above and beyond that, I want to serve those within my sphere in whatever way possible. I have so much love to give and need to find great outlets for it.
• Finding My Voice—I've had an idea for a book bouncing around in my brain for ages now, but I still needed to gain some experience in order to pull it off. I think the time has arrived to put pen to paper and up my Writer (with a capital W) street cred by writing my book.
• Finding Peace and Comfort in the Atonement—Christ's Atonement is magnificent and marvelous, but as much as I appreciate it, I still don't fully tap into its strength and power, especially as a source of infinite love, peace, and comfort. I struggle to trust what I can't see, and that's a flaw that really needs to fall away this year.
• Finding Serenity in Uncertainty—Whew, trust is a BIG struggle for me, quite possibly my biggest. I have such a hard time believing things will work out, even when I have so many case studies of when they did. So instead I expend sooooo much energy overthinking and overanalyzing in an attempt to make certainty out of something inherently uncertain. Well, that has GOT to stop, because I seriously become my own worst enemy in those instances! Here's to letting go and learning to TRUST wholeheartedly, no fear, no regrets.
• Finding the Hows—It was a glorious moment a few weeks ago to realize that I've done it! I have, in many ways, become the woman I always wanted to be. It's such a wonderful feeling. Life is so much like hiking, and as the dust's started to settle on 2012, I've been enjoying the breather and the vista, appreciating how far I've come. Now it's time to get up and get back to climbing, looking for the specific, material ways to take that "becoming who I want to be" to the next level. If you're not progressing, you're regressing, and I want to keep moving forward into beautiful, wonderful things.

Here's to the most marvelous, wonderful, fabulous year yet, friends!!! Hope this next year brings you so much joy and love, too.

Weakness in Strength

You know the old adage, "When I am weak, then am I strong"?

Well... I've learned this week that the opposite is true:

When I think I'm so strong I don't need others... then am I weak.

In general, I don't rank pride atop my list of struggles or weaknesses. I think I'm a fairly humble, meek, teachable person...

... until I need help. It doesn't matter what the help is, really, either. Help with painting my condo or moving or even hosting a party. Someone to take care of me when I'm so rundown and exhausted, I accidentally starve myself for a week and go into diabetic shock. (Yep, that happened.) A hug and shoulder on which to cry while mourning my grandmother's death. Asking for the help I need is almost impossible. Somehow I think I should be able to do everything on my own, and if not, I'm failing.

That, my friends, is its own form of pride. And the last year - especially the last week - has compelled me to humility on that front.

I just like to tread lightly, I tell myself. Other people are busy enough. I don't want to make demands on their time and emotions. We're not close enough of friends that I can crumble in front of them. No one likes an emotional mess, right?

And, worst of all, I don't know how to be anything but strong. Even when I'm not, and when being strong is the last thing in the world I want to be.

So I'll admit it. Losing my grandmother is absolutely devastating. And while I genuinely felt so much support and comfort that first day, I also was at a total loss of how to react, and almost a week later, I'm still totally lost. There's no instruction manual for losing your sole earthly source of unconditional strength and support. I've been emotionally self-sufficient since the bottom fell out on my family when I was 13 and didn't have anyone to lean on - except for my grandmothers. Over the years I've built a phenomenal support system of friends, but my grandmothers had been there my whole life, and I felt like I could claim and expect their support. When Gram died a decade ago, I just rolled that closeness and emotional connection over to Grandma Doris. Without her, I feel so lost. Who do I have now? Add to that an additional 10 years with Grandma Doris in which we made that transition to an adult friendship filled with so many fun moments and important common bonds like temple attendance, and... wow. I still can't quite let myself "go there" and feel the shock because I worry I won't be able to pull out of the grief, especially with the full plate in front of me from now until after the funeral. And there's no one who I feel like I can ask to hold my hand through that journey, either, even as I'm getting more offers for help than I know what to do with. My family is soooooo "suck it up and deal" that I can't recognize when I need to stop going it alone - a not-so-good trait I inherited from Grandma. It is incredibly difficult for me to let go and let others take care of me, even when that's what I want and need.

I keep thinking about when I climbed Mt. Washburn this summer, something I proudly did alone. A few groups of fellow hikers invited me to join them along the trail, and while I did chat with them briefly, I always changed my pace to get back to doing my own thing. It was something I'd been wanting to conquer for decades, and I just felt like I needed to do it solo. But was I truly without help? Nope. California girl that I am forgot to bring a jacket, and mountains get cold, so Grandma sent me off with her windbreaker. And I'd forgotten my sunglasses at the office before heading to Yellowstone for the weekend, but my friend had forgotten his shades in my car a couple weeks earlier, so it was his sunglasses shielding my eyes. And that was actually a total blessing, because his were far better geared for athletic feats than my cheapy wayfarers. Most importantly, at the summit I discovered that the hikers before and after me all saw bears along the trail. Plural. I didn't see a single one, although I did notice their tracks on my way back down. Later I learned that Mt. Washburn is the one hike in Yellowstone notorious for bears... and I sure didn't have bear spray. But I had a Heavenly Father watching my back, even as I stubbornly tried to climb alone.

Well... lesson learned. Even though she's gone, Grandma is the voice in my head, and her love fills my heart. She can't give me her windbreaker when I forget my own anymore, but I can draw from her love forever. And there will always be friends there to lend their proverbial sunglasses to help me if I'm willing to take them up on it. The sunglasses wouldn't have helped unless I put them on my face, and my friends can't help me unless I let them in and take them up on their offerings of support. And again, most importantly, I have a loving Heavenly Father to protect me from dangers both seen and unseen. He wouldn't leave me without the resources needed to succeed and thrive in life. Here's to the next stage of life's climb: learning to lean on the love in my life and climb with the amazing company that surrounds me.

A Word on My Single Status

Friends, I feel like every time I say anything remotely related to dating or along the veins of saying that I'd like to be married, I need to give a disclaimer.

So I'm going to give this disclaimer once. Please listen and take note - and I'm sure your other single friends would concur.

Ready?

When your response to anyone's commentary on their own singleness is something along the lines of a platitude or patronizing remark about how "It'll happen at the right time..." or "Just have faith..." or "Aren't you so glad you can traipse around New York City while I'm at home potty-training an unruly toddler?!"

Please... and I say this with the most love in my heart possible...

Save your breath.

There.

I said it.

After 12 1/2 years of being in the marriage-obsessed LDS singles scene, believe you me, I've heard it all. I understand and appreciate that the comments and compliments are meant to lighten my load, but honestly, they don't.

Because I know undoubtedly that God is preparing an amazing, righteous, wonderful man for me. I know that he will be worth every bad date endured, every tear shed, every hope dashed painfully to pieces. The caliber of men I've dated in the last couple of years, coupled with the phenomenal guy friends in my life, assure me that there are still plenty of keepers out there. I don't opt into the "all the good ones are taken" philosophy. Mine's out there, and he'll come when he and I are both ready for it. Period. End of story. And I wouldn't have him come along a moment sooner.

Because if I'd wanted just to be married by now, I would be. I've had offers, guys. And I mean that pretty seriously, even if the relationships didn't have labels affixed. There's one in particular who would marry me this minute, and boy, I would be the most cherished, lucky lady in the world... except for that whole temple marriage thing. I can't budge there. Some things you just plain don't settle on.

Because when I say I could really use a husband right now to hold my hand as I face the passing of my grandmother, I don't mean it as an invitation for platitudes. You mean well. I get it. I appreciate it. But I'm not complaining. I'm just acknowledging reality. There is a difference. I want someone who will hold me as I cry. I need that now more than I ever have in my 30 years. There's not a person on whom I can call for that right now (well, in the same state as me, at least), and that stings. I'm tired of being strong and feeling like I have to do it all myself. I want someone who is mine forever and always, from whom I can claim protection, companionship, comfort, support, etc. and who I can, in return, love with all of my heart, who I can nurture and cherish, with whom I can just plain enjoy how fun and wonderful life can be. Even awful situations like a midnight ER run can be an adventure with the right company, as my best friend and I learned last weekend. Yes, I have amazing friends who are here for me. And I don't discount that. But they have lives - busy lives and families of their own. And due to how I was raised, my default assumption is that I'm bothering people if I ask anything of them. I've had a lifetime of self-sufficiency. I want someone to whom my life materially matters, and vice versa.

Because life is supposed to be a team sport. Remember that whole Adam-Eve thing about it not being good for man to be alone? It's right there at the start of the Bible for a reason - it's the most essential, basic part of this earth-life experience.

Because I am really, truly, blissfully happy with my life right now. It is amazing. I'm done waiting to let myself fully enjoy and embrace my happiness with life as it is right now. No more asterisks. No more "Everything's great... except I just need a good man." So please refrain from discounting my happiness and putting conditions on it for me, okay? My post about how blissful and perfect my Thanksgiving was this year elicited a comment about how "all it was missing was a good man, and that will come!" Gag. Me. I know she meant well, but... she really didn't need to remind me what I'm missing and then top it with trite words of "comfort." I'm not postponing my happiness. Please don't do it for me, either.

Because it'll happen when it's right, and really, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I am not worried about it. Do you have any concept of the energy I've expended in the last decade-plus, worrying about dating and crushes and trying to read between lines and decipher what's going on in the minds of the objects of my affection?! Can you imagine the amazing things I could have accomplished by channeling that into something productive?! Yeah. I don't want to regret wasted time and energy anymore, either. And after the last year, I'm out of extra emotional energy for the wasting anyway.

And, most of all, because I'm not going to pretend the lack's not there anymore than I'll let myself be defined by it. It is what it is, just as much as I can't control my height (but I can improve my posture) or my grey hair (but I can dye it). I'll make the absolute most out of my current single status, but acknowledging reality is neither a whining complaint nor a cry for complimentary platitudes. I know why I haven't gotten married yet - I've needed this time to grow and learn. I am an amazing woman now, far better than I was a year ago, and I am sooooo glad I didn't meet Mr. Right a moment sooner.

Please join me in embracing the awesomeness of what's there and letting go of what we can't control. And thank you, as always, for your love and good intentions. I appreciate it.

Growing Up

"I could really use a manual for adulthood right about now!" I thought exasperatedly, unsure of what I "should" be doing. What do you do when the call to say final goodbyes to Grandma comes while you're en route to a dress rehearsal for tomorrow's big Christmas concert?

Well, if you're me, you go to rehearsal and then pull the all-night bedside vigil. So here I sit, kids, listening to cheesy Christmas music while Grandma sleeps, unaware I'm in the room. My fingers are always so cold in the winter, I don't dare even touch her, lest she wake.

But I sit. I wait. I think and wonder what lies ahead. How exactly are you supposed to handle losing the person you love most in the whole wide world? The one constant in your 30 years, the one sure source of unconditional love (tough and no-nonsense as she is)? My grandmother has become one of my best friends, and the reality that she won't be here much longer is something my mind and heart can't quite grasp.

She'll never get to hear how Thursday's date goes. I'll never play Scrabble or Yahtzee with her again, or eat waffles slathered in peanut butter and syrup with her while sitting at the cabin's dining room table, watching the early morning fishermen on Henry's Lake. We'll never attend a temple session together again, each nudging the other awake. But the never-evers are almost worse to consider. She'll miss my wedding. My children will never get to meet her, nor will my future husband. Would she think he's good enough for me? I'll never get to ask. What on earth will I do without her as an oracle of sage wisdom and advice on everything from family to career to dating to cooking to health? We have such different personalities, and yet, I am my grandmother's granddaughter.

She moves her head. I perk up, hoping she might wake so I can say hi, but she keeps snoring, and I keep waiting. And wondering. It's a helpless feeling, having absolutely no clue what to do but to sit. But sometimes, just sitting and being still are all you can do.

Through Heaven's Eyes

"If a man lose ev'rything he owns, has he truly lost his worth? Or is it the beginning of a new and brighter birth?"


Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could see our lives through Heaven's eyes? That's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, and when the song from The Prince of Egypt popped up on my iTunes, I felt like I really should share it. I've been filled with introspection lately, both of growth within the past year and in reevaluating conclusions drawn about earlier situations in my life, and it's caused me to appreciate so deeply the path my entire 30 years have taken, heartbreaks especially included. I love looking back and seeing how much God's hand has been in the details of my life, even though I've been at a loss to make sense of what was going on in the moment, whether it was moving back to California for high school (which, at the time, seemed like an absolute death sentence!!!) or the series of events that led me to move back to Utah three years ago, something I'd SWORN I'd never do.

As Marilyn Monroe once wisely said, "Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together." That pretty much sums up the last year of my life. The most vital characteristics and virtues we need in life are shaped only through fiery trials, and while they're awful in the moment, the growth that comes out of it makes all the blood, sweat, and tears worthwhile. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 So, enjoy. I know that while we only see what's ahead of us, God truly is involved in the details of our lives, and we have to TRUST Him with everything in us that things can and will work out when the timing is right. What He has in store for us is so, so, so much greater than anything we could possibly imagine - and living life from a place of abundance rather than scarcity is a simply glorious way to be!

Through Heaven's Eyes

 A single thread in a tapestry
Through its color brightly shine
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design

And the stone that sits on the very top
Of the mountain's mighty face
Does it think it's more important
Than the stones that form the base?

So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life

Look at your life through heaven's eyes
Lai-la-lai...

A lake of gold in the desert sand
Is less than a cool fresh spring
And to one lost sheep, a shepherd boy
Is greater than the richest king
If a man lose ev'rything he owns
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?

So how do you measure the worth of a man
In wealth or strength or size?
In how much he gained or how much he gave?
The answer will come
The answer will come to him who tries
To look at his life through heaven's eyes

And that's why we share all we have with you
Though there's little to be found
When all you've got is nothing
There's a lot to go around

No life can escape being blown about
By the winds of change and chance
And though you never know all the steps
You must learn to join the dance
You must learn to join the dance
Lai-la-lai...

So how do you judge what a man is worth
By what he builds or buys?
You can never see with your eyes on earth
Look through heaven's eyes
Look at your life
Look at your life
Look at your life through heaven's eyes

Grasping for Gratitude

Get it on Etsy here

Confession: Coming into November, the plethora of daily thankful posts on Facebook made me cringe. And roll my eyes.

Thankful? I thought, filled with grump and vinegar. Are you kidding me?! This has been the WORST year of my life. Heartbreaking family fallings-out, a disappointing relationship, health problems, watching a dear one's health speedily decline, and, on top of it all, moving into the Orem condo rental version of The Money Pit.

Needless to say, 2012 is a year I'll be happy to see come to an end.

But, honestly, I repent of that formerly shortsighted attitude. I have an amazing life, filled with wonderful blessings for which I am indeed grateful. And, admittedly, it seems like the best growth comes through the worst trials, and I will be closing out 2012 a far better woman than when I began it.

So, without further adieu, let me count my blessings:

• The gospel of Jesus Christ--I don't know where I would be without it! So grateful for the knowledge that Christ lives, that He died to save me from sins and sorrows, and that God is involved in the details of our lives. I'm also immensely grateful for the impressions and promptings that empower me to serve others or that give me a heads up which spares me from heartache down the road.
• Phenomenal friends--Seriously, I have the BEST friends in the world!!! It's funny; I honestly didn't have good friends until middle school, but I think all of those years spent without them has helped me make and keep wonderful friends because I never take them for granted. It's such a blessing to have so many of my nearest and dearest friends within an hour's drive, too--friends from high school, college, Orange County, and new ones from the last few years. It's even more fun seeing them all mix and mingle!
• Perspective--This year has led to a LOT of deep thinking, processing, and pondering. I love how we can see things more clearly with some distance, and I hope that I can parlay that perspective into better, wiser decisions and more selfless, aware actions in the future.
• Discovering new talents and hobbies--The good news? I learned how to make Grandma's delicious candies. The bad news? Ummm... I know how to make the candies that I got once a year as a treat... and now I can make them whenever. This could be DANGEROUS, folks!
• Music--Pretty sure there are few things I love more deeply than music, whether it's listening to the Utah Symphony play Rhapsody in Blue at Abravanel Hall, singing gorgeously arranged Christmas music with the Mapleton Chorale, discovering a new band in Provo's surprisingly awesome local music scene (from whence sprang Neon Trees and Imagine Dragons, I'll have you know!), or catching an impromptu jam session at sunset in Washington Square. Music has the most amazing ability to express and translate emotions and energy where words fall flat. I will be forever grateful that I was raised in a home where music was at the heart, and I hope I can share that passion as long as I live!
• Art in all its forms--Art is amazing!!! I love how people can capture the essence and beauty of life, translated into whatever medium they choose--film, canvas, stage, written page, and even culinary arts. Spending time in New York City last month was such a treat because we spent so much time steeped in the finest art America has to offer, from the Metropolitan Museum of Art's American Wing (which, yes, made my eyes get misty, I was so touched and overwhelmed to stand in such greatness!!!) and the MoMA to three Broadway shows, each so different from the others. It makes my heart sing!
• The ability to indulge my wanderlust--Speaking of NYC... I'm so grateful I've had the opportunity to travel so much in the last few years. It's been incredible!!! I average a trip for just about every month I've lived in Utah. Excessive? Perhaps. But I also know that as soon as I marry, it'll stop--my life and time will be for my family, and I wouldn't want to wander from home too far or often. But as long as I'm footloose and fancy free, I'll keep bouncing around from coast to coast: Seattle (x2), San Francisco, Denver (x4), Savannah and Atlanta, Southern California (x10+?), Island Park (too many times to count!), the Tetons, Capitol Reef, Glacier, Banff, Calgary, New York City, Washington D.C. (x2), Little Rock, Memphis and Nashville, North Carolina, Mount Vernon, Williamsburg--I've covered some serious distance in the last few years!!!
• My darling condo--Yes, even though it's been a headache to bring up to par, leading to some heated text-versations with my landlord... I absolutely adore my place!!! And not just because it's all my style or spacious for my things, but because it is my home. It feels beyond wonderful to have a place I can call that!
• My job--It has been the greatest blessing in my life these past few years!!! Words fall short to express just how grateful I am for it, especially considering how tenuous my career was in California. Property insurance software certainly wasn't what I envisioned as my life's work, but it's interesting, and I adore the people, the paycheck, and the values and focus of my company. Here's to more wonderful years ahead!
• My grandmother--Funny how knowing her time on this earth is waning makes me appreciate and value every moment with her all the more. Grandma Doris has been the familial foundation in my life, the constant source of unconditional love (albeit tough love at times) and the best example of selfless service and kindness I've ever seen. She'd give you the shirt off her back--my shoe collection can attest to that (we're the same size, and she's given me shoes when I've forgotten to bring more than flipflops in the rain many a time!). She's a truly amazing woman, and if I live to be a fraction of the woman she is, I will consider my life a success.
• Roots and wings in Utah Valley--I never, ever, ever wanted to end up here. And yet? I love it. I really, truly, honestly do... much as it pains me to admit that. :P Silly California girl pride! Provo has never been anything but good for my soul, from my life-changing 8th grade year at Farrer Middle School to four and a half glorious years as a BYU student to the last three years as a professional. It's funny how the lives overlap--visiting a current friend who lives around the corner from my 1996 home (or, heck, going to my friend Melody's a few weeks ago, only to realize she lives in my old house from summer 2004!!!), or going to classic movie screenings at the BYU library and walking down the stairs on which I sat and had my first post-college job interview, a phone call for a job at The Orange County Register while I was studying for my last set of finals. It may not be as glamorous as reporting about Laguna Beach or doing PR for Toshiba, but it fits well, and I am so, so, so happy here, it's a lil' bit ridiculous. Even with the snow.

Above all, I am deeply and profoundly grateful for my life, and that it didn't turn out as I wanted it to. The plan I had for myself wasn't nearly as amazing as the one God had in store for me. These last 12 1/2 years of adulthood have been filled with so many unanticipated adventures, both happy and heartbreaking, but I wouldn't trade any. Each provided experience that has shaped me into who I am today, and I can't wait to see what's in store in the years to come!

The Writings of the Author as a Young Woman

Actual home of my Jensen great-great-grandparents in Brigham City. It's supposed to be the house in the book, but... let's just say I took liberties with when it was built.

When I was 13, I lived in Utah during its centennial. One of our class projects for my fabulous English/history class was to write a story about Utah history (preferably about our own ancestors). While unpacking boxes in my office tonight, I found my book and thought it'd be fun to transcribe the text. Kind of a fun stroll down memory lane. The fact that the book is dedicated to my grandma, who is one of my favorite folks in the world and who won't be here much longer, makes it all the more tender. 

The story's not perfect by any means -- the ending is pretty rushed, the likely result of perpetual Christa procrastination, and the development needs work -- but it's not half bad! Makes me wonder what I could've accomplished if I'd pursued writing more. "But Christa," you say, "you are a writer. Professionally. For a decade now, hon." To which I say... sure... but... as a trade. Not for creativity's sake. We've discussed this before. There's a difference. Still... time to finally write that book, methinks.

To let you in on a little running gag... my grandmother is descended from two lines of Jensens. So the guy that Emma's family keeps trying to push at her is actually another one of my ancestors, too, just on the other side. 

Also, fun fact: researching this book was the first time I ever went on the interwebs!!! I distinctly remember the librarian taking me to a small computer lab and showing me this newfangled World Wide Web circa 1996. In fact, I still remember how the webpage about the Brigham City Co-op looked!

And now, without further adieu... in unedited, 13-year-old Christa prose...

Emma

by Christa Jeanne [Last Name]

I dedicate this book to my wonderful grandmother, Doris Elaine Jensen [Last Name], who helped me so much with ideas and took me on a historical tour for illustrations. Thanks for the fun day!

*   *   *

"Emma! Eh-maah!" The exasperated cry rang throughout the newly built brick house. "Emma Lovisa Jensen, come here right now!"

The wedding bells that were ringing in Emma's mind quickly faded as her daydream stopped soddenly. "Coming, Mother," she replied. An embroidery needle pricked her index finger as she hastily set the white handkerchief down. "Ow!" Emma cried out in pain as she hurried to get a bandage of some sort. She wrapped a strip of tan linen around the bleeding fingertip. "Yes, mama?"

"Emma," Valana Jensen asked her daughter, "would you please go to the general store and buy a pound of sugar?" As soon as Em's mouth opened in protest, Lana hurried on. "We're having company for tea. Elder Snow and Sister Snow will be here, so I was planning to fix kringle, but there is no more sugar. Ask that Isaac Jensen to carry them home for you. He is so nice," she barely finished. Emma rolled her eyes. Lana just handed her daughter a dollar bill. "Oh, Em, could you pick up a newspaper? Your father wants to see who the new President is. Good ol' U.S. Grant was running." Sighing, she entered the kitchen. The smell of sweet cake dough and chopped nuts filled the air. "Emma just isn't interested in getting married like Belana, is she, Abby?" she asked the golden retriever. Abby just wagged her golden-gray tail sympathetically.

*   *   *

Emma sighed as she bought the pound of sugar. Why didn't Mother think that she couldn't find someone to marry. Besides, she was only sixteen and Brigham City was full of guys. Anyway, everyone knew that Isaac liked Lenora Hansen. Just because Belana was getting married didn't mean that Emma was ready to get married. She paid for the sugar and left the store. Oh, well. Emma began humming the wedding march as she exited. If only she could find the right guy --

"Ugh!" Emma pushed her reddish-brown hair out of her face and looked up from the pavement. The sugar was safe and sound in its bag. Next tot he bad was one hand. Emma followed the arm that was connected to the hand.

Another hand was extended to her. She took the hand and rose. Rising, Emma, followed the hand to an arm and then to a face. A handsome face. 

"I'm sorry," the person said apologetically. "My name is Brigham. Brigham Andersen."

"Hello. I am Emma Jensen," she said softly. Her heart fluttered.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Jensen," Brigham said politely. He picked up the bag of sugar and walked, following Emma's lead. She walked up the street, blushing. Her blue eyes met his. She was so busy watching Brigham instead of the street that she walked straight into Aunt Mary Maria, affectionately known as Aunt Ryer.

"Hello, I mean, good morning, Aunt Mary Maria," Emma said timidly.

"You needn't be so formal, Emma. We are not at a formal affair, are we?" Aunt Ryer said crisply. "Should not you be hurrying along. Elder and Sister Snow are joining us for tea. So is Brother M.C. Jensen. I hear that he has a fine son, Isaac." Emma laughed, in spite of herself. Aunt Ryer left as they approached Emma's house. Brigham stepped inside at Emma's invitation. His curly brown hair was tangled from the breeze outside.

"May I call on you tomorrow?" he asked.

"Umm, uh, sure," Emma dreamily whispered. His brown eyes twinkled as he left. She went back inside and ran to her room to change for tea. As Emma raced up the stairs, she nearly tripped over Abby. She just looked up at Emma. Emma smiled, scratched behind Abby's ear, and went to Belana's room. Belana was sitting on her bed, monogramming her trousseau. Her brown curls fell down her back. "Bel," asked Emma, "can I borrow your midnight blue satin?"

"Mm-hmm," Belana answered dreamily. Emma was amazed. Bel never let anyone touch that dress. Emma just grabbed the dress and hurried before Bel could change her mind. After she changed, she pulled up her hair and sighed. Brigham was so sweet, but did he like her? Maybe. If only they could go to some sort of a--

"An ice cream social!" exclaimed Elder Snow. Lorenzo Snow was a short man with wire-framed glasses that always slipped down his nose. "That's a magnificent idea, Brother Jensen. What do you think, M.C.?" he asked. One wiry white hair stuck straight up from his head. When they saw Emma, the men were very secretive about the social. Hmmm, thought Emma. A social! That's just the thing. But how to get him to ask? That was the question. Emma hurried to help her mother in the kitchen. The traditional Danish kringle was finished. The house smelled of cinnamon and spice. Emma cut the kringle and dished it up. As she served it to her brothers and sisters, she laughed. Her brothers were dressed in their Sunday clothes, which they all despised. The eldest brother, Thomas, who was twelve, had his unruly black hair slicked back. Little Andrew, who was only two, had his messy blond hair parted down the middle. He beamed angelically. Little Hiram Jr. was wearing shoes that were two sizes  too big, but no one would notice. It was hilarious!

After tea, six of the nine children ran outside to play with Aunt Ryer in hot pursuit. The men went into the study to discuss plans for "a secret." Mother, Belana, and Susanna, the fourteen-year-old, went into the kitchen to wash the dishes. Emma went outside to the porch and sat on the porchswing that Father had built with Thomas the summer before. The sunset lit up the sky and set clouds on fire. Emma just sat there and smiled. It was wonderful. It reminded her of Brigham.

*   *   *

Emma took her hair out from the curlers that Belana had put in her hair. She was just barely finished when Abby ran into the room and tugged at Emma's dress. A wave of fear washed over her. "What's wrong, girl?" she gently asked. Abby dragged her downstairs to the kitchen. Mother was just lying there, lifeless. Emma screamed a blood-curdling scream. "Belana! Aunt Ryer! Susie! Somebody, HELP!!"

Emma ran down the street, hair flying, as she ran to Doc Marten's house and pounded on the door. When the doctor answered, she grabbed his arm and ran back home. She led Doc to her mother's body. Little Andrew was crying with Lena, the four-year-old. Doc just sat there, trying to figure out what had happened.

Doc Marten said that she had had a stroke. That now Mama's left side would be partially paralyzed. She could walk, with a cane. Doc said that we were lucky she wasn't badly hurt. Lucky, huh. "I don't think we're all that lucky," grumbled William, the six-year-old.

"Me too," whined Hannah, the eight-year-old. Emma just sighed. Now what, she wondered. Mama was okay, but she couldn't go to the social now. Not with mother in the bad shape she was in. Belana had gone to the social with George. How shallow. What a lack of emotion! Brigham would be here any --

Knock, knock! Now Brig was here. What should she tell him? She opened the door. There was Brigham, holding a dozen daisies. "Well, Cinderella, shall we go to the ball?" he asked. She looked down and blushed. Her feet were bare and she was wearing an old gray wool dress.

"Um, Brigham, I can't go." He looked crestfallen. The daisies hung limply from his hand. My mother had a stroke and so I really need to stay with her." Emma lightly put a hand on his arm. "Maybe we can go to see the joining of the rails. It's in two weeks. I'm sorry."

Brigham looked up and forced a disappointed smile. "That's okay," he said as he handed Emma the flowers. "I'm sorry too."

*   *   *

"Wow," Hiram Jr. cried excitedly as the golden spike was tapped into the laurelwood tie. Brigham and Emma just smiled at each other. Now Mother knew that Emma wanted to get married. Father hugged Mother as she hobbled forward on her cane. Emma smiled. Things can turn out well, with a little sugar.

About the Author

Christa Jeanne [Last Name] was born on 30 August 1982, in La Crescenta, California. She grew up in Glendale and La Crescenta, both in California. At age 13, she moved. She currently lives in Provo, Utah, with her father, step-mother, 15-year-old brother, and three cats: Anita, Maria, and Angus. Christa is a bookworm and an avid photographer. She loves cats, dogs, and the Beatles. She hopes to write another book soon.

Code Monkey

Guess who's learning how to do coding in her class this semester????

True story.

Gonna have some fun around here...

Defining Moments

Earlier today, I read this article about how a simple choice to head down a floor made the difference between being a victim or survivor to the World Trade Center tragedy. A quote in the piece is particularly chilling:

"Seemingly insignificant decisions a person made that day determined whether they lived or died. It's still something that's a bit hard to fully come to terms with."

This made me think of my own life. What split-second decisions have made a huge, life-shifting impact? Certainly nothing's been life or death, but there have been majorly disruptive moments, and it's funny to see the ripple effect these words and actions can have. Misjudging the distance between my moving van and the carport by a matter of inches cost me $300+ to repair, for instance - and the damage hit in a second. Boggles the mind.

Back in the spring, the wonderful guy I was dating felt the need to take a step back. His reasons were legitimate and, really, had little/nothing to do with me - but, being inexperienced and insecure, I let my tongue get away from me. In one sentence, I swiftly destroyed the immense potential that was there. In the moment, I didn't realize how huge a deal it was. It wasn't until I saw friends' reactions when I told them what had happened to the relationship - "You... actually said that to him?!" - that the reality of my mistake sunk in. It's haunted me daily ever since - this Sondheim piece aptly sums it up (and the plot of the show from which it originates actually examines the whole idea of defining moments, too):



You know what I love, though? My story isn't over yet. It's still in the process of being written. I don't know how it will end, ultimately, and regardless the outcome, things do work out, even if we fumble and misstep in the moment. I've seen so many split-second mistakes ultimately result in happily ever after. Not without tears and heartbreak and time, of course - but, in the end, things work out. They always, always do.

Sometimes the missteps are a matter of life or death. A moment's misjudgment behind the wheel killed a close friend and her father several years ago, drastically affecting many, many lives in an instant. I watched from a close observation point as her fiance and family grieved and dealt with the aftermath - but, eventually, they were able to move on. Her mother is happily remarried; her fiance is happily married to an amazing, dear friend of mine, and they have beautiful babies. Life goes on, and the broken pieces fall into place.

Earlier this year I had the blessing of attending a close friend's wedding, and it hit me during the ceremony that I was there because of a broken toe. Don't believe me?

Well, in 8th grade, while living in Utah with my dad, I broke my toe by tripping over home base and falling while playing kickball in my drama class. (Birkenstocks are not an ideal choice of kickball footwear, FYI.) Because of the injury, I left my bike at school - and when we came to pick it up that night, the back tire had been stolen. My dad was not a happy camper, to say the least, and he felt an appropriate punishment for my thoughtlessness was having to miss out on the 8th grade promotion dance. I, in turn, felt this was a gross injustice. After all, it wasn't like I got rid of the tire maliciously. Long story short, a HUGE fight ensued that ended with 13-year-old me shouting "Fine, I want to go live with Mom!" My dad handed me the phone with a warning that if I called her, that was that: one-way ticket back to California, end of story. My mother was one to make threats she didn't back up, and my father wanted to teach me that words carry weight. (Apparently I still need to learn that lesson... but... yeah.)

Although that choice had heart-wrenching consequences, it also led me to the women who are among my closest friends in the world today. Those friendships sustained me through high school, college, and into the present - particularly with those who live in Utah along with me, including the aforementioned bride. And, really, I wouldn't trade the strength or wisdom acquired through the hardship at home for the world. That experience has made me who I am today.

The "what if" moments in life may be haunting - they certainly give gravity to every moment in life - and at the same time, they're not the be-all and end-all. They act as the imperfect cracks that let God's grace shine through. He can bring light and joy into the messes we cause. Sometimes, as the song notes, there really is "hell to pay," but that price can be worth the wisdom and humility earned. We just have to maintain the perspective that, as Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught, "The cavity which suffering carves into our souls will one day also be the receptacle of joy." Oh, how sweet that joy will be when we embrace it and let go of the struggle faced in the split-second missteps.

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

Nothing summarizes my year of working toward hitting 30 better than these famed words by Charles Dickens:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Sure, he was referring to the French Revolution and grandiose things that changed the world. I'm just talking about 12 months of my life - but, hey, still applies. My 29th year was, in so many ways, completely devastating and heartbreaking - letting go of longtime hopes on the family front, battling the reemergence of longtime health problems, falling hard for someone and then being left puzzled by something lovely unraveled. Oh, and all of those came to a head at the same time. Overwhelming is an understatement! I literally cried every day for about six weeks during the worst of it. Basically everything between December and May is a hazy blur. I feel like I lost a season of my life.

But at the same time, all of that heartbreak came with immense illumination. I could never have become the stronger, more confident, more compassionate, more patient version of myself without wading through those experiences. More on that in #4.

And so, without further adieu, here's a recap of where I stand on each of my "30 by 30" goals:

1. Become a "True Aggie."
   
   
   DONE!!! Thank you, Patrick, darling. Taxes AND True Aggiedom all in one weekend? He's pretty amazing like that. :) We've been friends (and sometimes more) for almost a dozen years now, and I absolutely adore the guy. So glad we managed to make this happen before he moved out of state!
   
   
2. Visit five new states. Sadly, I failed on this one. I did add Georgia to the list, but that was all. Plenty of travels - Southern California, Seattle, Denver, Tetons, Yellowstone - but not much new territory covered.
   
   
3. Go on 30 dates.
   
   
   DONE!!! It was an amazing journey, too. More on that here. I've been on quite a few dates since then, too, and I love it! Dating is such a fun way to expand horizons and get to know people on a different level than in "the friend zone," even if you only go on a date or two with a person. Admittedly, it's taken me a long time to shake off the disappointment (and continuing confusion) of one of the guys, but I'm looking forward to diving into my new life in Orem, getting back out there, and making the most of my last year in the YSA world. (For you non-LDS folks, we get kicked out of singles congregations at 31. The pressure is on!)
   
   
4. Become my authentic self. DONE!!! This was, hands down, the biggest challenge on the list. It meant opening up a Pandora's box and working through the disappointments and heartbreak I've swept under the rug for a lifetime. But I stepped up to the challenge, and it's been the most rewarding - albeit heartbreaking - thing I've ever done. I've done well by myself where this is concerned. Am I perfect? No. But I'm doing my absolute best to be true to myself, and that's enough.
   
   Furthermore, I've learned that letting go, while disappointing, is sometimes all you can do. It's so, so, so vital for sanity's sake to recognize what you can and can't control, and to learn to be comfortable with the unknown. I'm still working on it, but I'm definitely better at it now than I was a year ago. And nothing is forever! Relationships - familial, friends, romantic - evolve and change. Goodness knows I've had enough people cycle in and out of my life at various times. So stepping away from a loved one for now doesn't mean they won't circle back later. The upside is that when they do circle back, it's because they realize your value. Chasing after them will never accomplish that. We all deserve to be loved and cherished by those we love and cherish. Reciprocity is sooooo important in all areas of life. Sometimes we'll give more than we take, but it should balance out in the aggregate.
   
   
5. Attend the temple at least 30 times.  DONE!!! I also started working my way through all the temples in Utah, and I've only got three left there (St. George, Monticello, and Oquirrh Mountain - although I have been to St. George and Oquirrh Mountain before, just not in this go-around).
   
   
6. Learn to ski. DONE!!! Well, attempted, at least. And I hated every minute of my miserable day on the slopes. But, hey, I did give it a try, at least.
   
   
7. Drive Route 66. Boo! Didn't happen. Honestly, I'm glad, because I've needed to have flexibility with my PTO this year. But I should be able to make this happen in the spring. I'm itching to hit the open road for a few weeks and explore!!!
   
   
8. Go on a cruise with my best friends. Nope. But at least Haas and I got to visit Tabitha in Georgia, which was lovely, and I now live 5-10 minutes from Rebecca (we both moved to Orem the same week!). I absolutely love these three women (only two pictured below - we need a more current quartet shot!). They are my foundation, and I am so ridiculously blessed to have them in my life! Hopefully we can get away for girls' weekends annually when their kids get a little older...
   
   
   
   
9. Be debt-free. Working on it - should be by 31.
   
   
10. Sew what? No, my sewing machine just kept gathering dust. But now that I have a craft room and a sewing table, this one should get in motion. After all, I've got a home to decorate now! Planning to make my own curtains and pillows for the living room.
    
    
11. Get at least one really, really good kiss.
    
    
    
    You'd think, right? 30+ dates with 20-something guys, and I should've managed at least ONE?! But I don't kiss quickly or outside the context of a relationship, True Aggie-ness excepted (and we were so down to business about it!). I did have good chemistry with one of the guys, but we didn't get past holding hands (awwwww... presh). So. Let's throw this on the list again.
    
    
12. Hike Mt. Washburn. Health problems sidelined me through much of the last year, and by the time my strength was back, I was too swamped to make time for these hikes. However, I will be accomplishing this one on my upcoming Idaho trip. [UPDATE: DONE!!! As my blistered feet can attest. Totally worth it, though. Veni, vidi, vici, folks. And guess who bought a National Parks pass?! Soooo excited!!!]
    
    
13. Hike the Y. See #12 - planning to go with Stacy soon, to make up for our failed attempt at graduation ages ago.
    
    
14. Hike Timp. See #12. My company goes every fall, so I figured I'd join in there, but it's not happening this year! So I'll have to get some friends to try this before it gets too cold.
    
    
15. Read 30 books. Hmmmm... close, but not quite. According to Goodreads, I read 20 books since last August. I might have missed reporting one or two in there, but still, I didn't quite hit 30. Darn!
    
    
16. Finish the Book of Mormon twice. Halfway there? I finished it once and am working on another go-around.
    
    
17. Get starstruck. Well... I downloaded a star app and did a good amount of stargazing this year, including enjoying the Perseid meteor shower in the middle of the night in the Tetons (one of the most exquisite celestial experiences of my life!). But I didn't study up on this like I'd wanted.
    
    
18. Lose 30 pounds. Boo, health problems! I didn't lose 30 more, but I did manage to maintain last summer's weight loss for the most part. I discovered the awesomeness of the paleo diet and really love how I feel when I'm skipping glutens and sugar - but it's hard to do that when you're crunched for time! Hoping to get back to that when things settle down in a few weeks.
    
    
19. Make time to WRITE. Nope. Heartbreak zaps all of my desire and sparkle to write. So beyond finishing a personal narrative from last summer, this didn't happen (although I did journal a bunch during the Mr.24-29 episode). And I'm still in repair, but hopefully I can make this a priority for my 30s in general. I love writing!!!
    
    
20. Just dance. Not as much as I'd like. I did discover yoga this year, so yay for that! I do best in a structured class environment, so I'm hoping to do zumba at the Orem Rec Center a bunch and get back in the swing of attending Ballet Blast, though. Feels sooooo good!
    
    
21. Sing, sing, sing.
    
    
    
    DONE!!! Ah! Finally! Another success. This one had a few success iterations, too - singing with Lehi Chorale last Christmas, taking voice lessons (if only for a little while), getting into the audition-only Mapleton Chorale for this year (we're a couple weeks into rehearsals, and I LOVE it!!!). Feels amazing to have choral singing back in my life again weekly. I quite love it.
    
    
22. Put my clothes away in the closet, not on the floor. DONE!!! Well... at least I was... and then I got close to moving and stopped caring, haha. But my new bedroom has so much space! I have a double closet that takes up the entire length of my room, complete with built-in shelves and whatnot. No excuse to not be on top of this.
    
    
23. Reinstate "Christa Dates." DONE!!! I go through busy-busy waves and need to get better/consistent with this, but one of the lessons learned with the health problems is to listen to my poor body and learn to slooooooow dooooooooown sometimes. So I've learned to make plans by myself, whether it be going to a movie, taking a canyon drive, or browsing the outlets in Park City. Extroverted as I am, that alone time is golden.
    
    
24. Stop snoozing. Bahahahaha... no. Such a hard habit to break! Still working on it...
    
    
25. Give up the Diet Pepsi once and for all. DONE!!! And then my life got insane this month with moving and traveling... and I got back on the bottle. Curses!!! I'll have to go through the withdrawal process all over again in a week, when I give it up again after Labor Day. Not a pretty sight, but I did feel better not needing the fix to wake up my brain.
    
    
26. Write in my journal weekly. Not so much - which is funny, because usually writing is sooooo therapeutic for me to process stuff. But I couldn't stand the thought of dealing with stuff in real time and then reliving it on paper. So... now that I'm back to good, I should get on top of this again.
    
    
27. Learn to poach an egg.
    
    
    DONE!!! My darling friend Emily was sweet enough to film a tutorial for me, and I did follow it step by step in order to make some amazing Eggs Benedict from scratch. So fun!!!
    
    
28. Make the most of my commute. DONE!!! I could've done this even more, but I did up my audiobooks and Church talk listening on the drive. It makes such a difference. Some of my favorites: the audio of Jacqueline Kennedy's interviews a few months after JFK's assassination, Tina Fey's Bossypants, and many a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell.
    
    
29. Run a 5K. I did two 5Ks this year - Color Me Rad back in April, and then the Freedom Run in July - but health problems wiped me out from running and training as I'd hoped. Actually, it was when walking the color run left me flat on my back in bed for two days that I realized something was seriously wrong, healthwise. And now I'm fine! Really need to make this happen for the 30th year.
    
    
30. Channel my inner Annie Oakley. Nope, and I don't even have a good excuse other than a busy schedule and other priorities. Hopefully I can go shooting with my cousin this fall.

It's in the Stars

So... confession: I totally buy into astrology where it describes personality traits, largely because I fit my own so ridiculously perfectly. It's intriguing, and I always enjoy reading up on descriptions for friends, family, and - let's be honest - romantic prospects. It's all in the stars, I know.

Don't believe me? Here's what an August 30th baby's supposed to be, according to TLC - think it fits the bill?

Virgos born on August 30 have an overwhelming urge to express their individual identities. They have a great love of learning, travel, and the written word. They are known for their discriminating good taste and good looks and always appear well dressed in public. Although August 30 people seem calm, they're actually high-strung and excitable.

Friends and Lovers

People born on this date are sincere friends. They're extremely fun-loving and enjoy a vibrant social life. They are natural romantics who often fall in love with love. The tumult that characterizes their relationships is usually of a positive nature.

Children and Family

August 30 natives are often the beneficiaries of a fortunate upbringing. They are dearly loved by family. As parents, they are good at encouraging their little ones to express themselves as creatures who exist apart from their parents. This liberal approach brings children and parents together.

Health

People born on August 30 are not overly concerned with health and exercise. They have a great interest in food and make excellent cooks and nutritionists but are not averse to eating junk food. Though Virgo natives tend to be slim, August 30 people have a tendency to put on weight. They may favor competitive sports.

Career and Finances

People born on this date have a broad view of their world. They like to express their expansive personality through work. Because they think big, they have a tendency to spend big. Fortunately, they have a talent for financial management.

Dreams and Goals

August 30 natives have a positive attitude about life; setbacks and delays don't worry them. They are self-confident and can envision their success before it happens. They want to accomplish great things but also want to live well and in a worldly manner.

 Yup. Me to a tee!

PS: Ohmigosh, I'm 30!!! How did that happen?!? I really need to do a "30 by 30" recap, but with moving, celebrating, singing in choir, being busy at work, traveling, etc., it might be a little late. Ah, well... par for course in my world. 

Draper Debrief

I know, I know... when you hear "Draper," you think this - am I right?

When I think Draper, however, I think this:

Tonight is the last night I will for sure be sleeping in my darling lil' room on Hawthorne Hill Lane, and the reality that I will, in fact, be moving in less than 48 hours is setting in. It feels so surreal! Considering how thrilled I've been about the move, I didn't at all anticipate getting sentimental.

But it's me. Duh. Of COURSE I'm going to get all nostalgic and schmaltzy about it, because, hey, that's how I roll.

And so, without further adieu, here's a roundup of favorite Draper moments and things that I will most assuredly miss:

•  Panoramic views of the Salt Lake Valley, especially at night, when the valley - and its many temples - twinkled.
• Living so, so close to the Draper Temple - and enjoying how it came to feel like home. This is the temple in which I did so much work for my own family, and that alone will make it special in my heart forever.

• Being roommates with Christina, my best friend and No. 1 partner-in-crime for the better part of the last eight years. Late-night chats, planning our Christmas parties as only two communications professionals could (think objectives, strategies, branding, identity - yup. We're geeks.), discussing careers, politics, dating, and just about anything and everything under the sun. She's been a wonderful sounding board, especially because we're so different, she's able to open my eyes to points I wouldn't have seen otherwise. I'll miss her no-nonsense counsel and wise perspective, not to mention her just-plain-awesomeness. Oh, and her cookies. Have I mentioned her cookies? Yup. Total selling point.

• My ward, shockingly enough, and my stake. I didn't really connect with it too deeply, but that said, I really do like the people there. I may not have made a lot of lasting friendships from it, but I did get to meet some pretty awesome people, and I looked forward to seeing people each week with whom I may not cross paths again down the road. 
• Cooking in my kitchen! It is, hands down, the most spacious kitchen I've ever had, and it was in this kitchen that I went from being a good cook to becoming a true gourmand, stretching both my repertoire and technique. That space is so chock full of fun moments, from figuring out how to poach an egg or roll a stuffed pork tenderloin to doing A/B testing on everything from mini-French silk pies to oatmeal cookies, to making batch after batch of cookies for people I love. 
• Seeing the friends I did make on a weekly basis. A few people in that ward truly changed my life and touched my heart, reaching out to me in my hardest moments this year. To them, I will be forever grateful, and while I know we will stay in touch, I'll miss seeing their smiling faces so conveniently and frequently.

• Being a hop, skip, and jump away from downtown Salt Lake City, a place I dearly, dearly love.
• Meandering through the old neighborhoods to admire the gorgeous historic homes and appreciating the lovely architecture as well as the lives of the people who built them forever ago
• Gazing at the stars from Suncrest, pondering the beauty of the heavens.
• Calling my darling yellow townhouse home. It's been a good place, and I will forever cherish the memories associated with it - including the difficult ones, for they brought about so much growth and wisdom that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Thanks for the memories, Draper. Oh, well, it was swell while it lasted...

Moving Musings

Welp, friends, I'm solidly midway through Project: Create a Home. Saturday was spent painting until 1:30 a.m., and today's lunchtime was spent at Kwal Paints, getting the final colors that will go up tonight and Wednesday. (And as for what all the colors will be... you'll see in a big reveal. I'm part thrilled, part terrified that I'll hate it. At least walls can be repainted, right?)

This move is different from any I've had before, because, as previously mentioned, the space will be all MY OWN. The total independence is thrilling, but it's also daunting. No one else's opinion materially matters! Kinda crazy - more on that later. As for the move, I am definitely ready for it to be DONE. Looking forward to yet another vacay come Labor Day weekend.

Here are some random things I've realized while working on what is my fourth move in three years - and hopefully my final move until I either get married or purchase my old-maid pad (doesn't have nearly the same ring as "bachelor pad," does it?):

• My books are like my children. Seriously. Packing them last night, I wanted to hug each and every one. I adore books. Blame it on a childhood spending more time with The Baby-Sitters Club than my own peers, but I have a serious addiction/obsession with books, and that'll probably never go away. So that second bedroom'll be the craft room / office / library.
• It's astounding how many things I didn't know that I should know. Case in point: if your gas is shut off, there's a whole thing about switching some yellow tag and turning the appliances on. It was like the Questar woman was jabbering at me in a foreign language. Haven't a clue what that's all about - but apparently I need to learn if I'm to have hot water and a working stove. Amazing how much I keep having moments like this. It's like I'm finally moving into "real" adulthood.
  
• Colors are tricky. I grew up in the land of white walls, so... all this color stuff is new to me. I'm loving it, but... it's baffling. Like, what do you mean a blue can be warm? Choosing paint colors was the most stressful choice I've had to make in a while. (And yes, how blessed am I that paint color is my biggest concern? At least I can do something about it, unlike basically every other stressor on my plate these days...)
• Learn why something's awesome before using it. I spent a little more and bought Frog Tape instead of blue painter's tape because the employee at Home Depot recommended it. However, she failed to tell me that it's so great because, when wet, the tape's adhesive turns into a gel that fills in all the cracks, completely sealing your wall. (See the video here.) I found that out at the paint store today, after painting two entire rooms! It's my bad for not doing a little more research, and it may have worked its magic anyway - but still. Good reminder.
  
• A coat of paint can work wonders. In my office, one wall has built-in shelving, but the paint on it was poorly done and flaking. So, at the urging of my painting helpers, I freshened them up with a coat of white paint that was already in the hall closet (for touching up the trim). Doesn't it look amazing now?!

(Pardon the low-quality pics) I still need to do the actual shelves, but it's a start.

• Men really do see fewer colors than women. At least that's what the guy at the paint store told me. I thought that was just a joke, but apparently it's true. I mean, it can be learned - as evidenced by a bunch of male graphic designers with whom I work who've been my color consultants - but still. Thought that was interesting.

•  Life is sweeter when it's shared. As much as I enjoy my independence, this experience has made me keenly and painfully aware yet again of how awesome marriage would be when it's done well. It's overwhelming to do this alone! And not only that, but the whole experience would be so much more fun with someone else, making decisions together, delighting in the successes, laughing about the failures. So, on the bright side, it's reaffirmed how much I really do need to dive back into the dating scene post-move. I've avoided opening up to dating since the serious disappointment that came with Mr. 24-29 in the spring (BOY, that sucked! And now I get to see him weekly... not sure yet if that's good or bad), but you can't enjoy the good without risking the bad. I think I'm about ready to risk again. Wary as I am of getting burned again, the payoff will be worth it in the end - for the right person, at least. And you have to kiss some frogs along the path to Prince Charming, right?